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AIBU

Feeling Ancient

(75 Posts)
CaroleLM16 Sat 10-Jun-23 17:59:37

My husband is five years younger than me and I always thought we looked about the same age because he’s a little bit weathered (but very handsome as people keep telling) and I’m slim and thought I looked a bit younger than my age. He has just been speaking to a new neighbour who said ‘your wife looks a bit older than you, if you don’t mind me saying. Is she still working?’ I’m really upset now as I feel ancient. I was an exercise instructor before the pandemic which I did alongside a professional job and I was going to look for a venue to do classes (we’ve recently moved) but after that remark I have decided not to bother. My DH thinks I’m overreacting because I am a few years older than him and they thought he was in his early fifties (he’s 57) so I should be glad that they think I’m only in my fifties (I’m 62) but I suddenly feel very old! I also think the neighbour (who’s about 40) is really cheeky making such a personal remark. I’ll get over it because it doesn’t really matter, my DH adores me and there isn’t anything wrong with women looking their age but I can’t stop sulking (very juvenile ironically). Would it bother you?

Hetty58 Sat 10-Jun-23 18:03:15

Why would he tell you that they said it? Cruel!

Kate1949 Sat 10-Jun-23 18:04:33

I was just about to say the same Hetty.

pascal30 Sat 10-Jun-23 18:04:44

Sounds like she was flirting and deliberately undermining you.. one to watch out for maybe?

Oreo Sat 10-Jun-23 18:05:04

Not bother me but annoy me 😲 what a cheeky neighbour.
Forget it and do what you want to workwise.

NanaDana Sat 10-Jun-23 18:06:35

Firstly, the neighbour was extremely rude to say that to your husband. Secondly, I would have expected your husband to tell him just that, and then to refrain from passing that comment on to you. Too much information. So in fact I'd be more disappointed and "bothered" by your husband's reaction than by anything that was said by a socially inept neighbour.

BlueBelle Sat 10-Jun-23 18:08:04

Oh don’t be silly giving up your classes because of a stupid remark but I d watch that neighbour sounds like flirting to me and he was flattered enough to tell you

Smileless2012 Sat 10-Jun-23 18:14:11

My thoughts too BlueBelle.

NanaDana Sat 10-Jun-23 18:18:15

BlueBelle

Oh don’t be silly giving up your classes because of a stupid remark but I d watch that neighbour sounds like flirting to me and he was flattered enough to tell you

Where did it say that the neighbour was a woman? I assumed it was a man, but it's a rude comment in either case.

Grandmafrench Sat 10-Jun-23 18:21:03

If that was the actual conversation, I’m astonished. How very rude and it’s a shame your DH didn’t shut him down by asking if he was doing a survey. I’d be cross with mine for even discussing such personal stuff with someone we barely knew! ! Don’t sulk, maybe it’s a good time to explain to the chap who loves you how that’s made you feel, and hopefully that won’t happen again. Meanwhile, don’t let some ignorant comment ruin your plans to start some classes. Enjoy yourself!

Juliet27 Sat 10-Jun-23 18:22:42

As Hetty58 said, it was unkind of your husband to tell you.

Calendargirl Sat 10-Jun-23 18:25:10

I also assumed (incorrectly maybe) that the neighbour was a man.

Either way, what a strange remark for a new neighbour to make. Hardly the way to get off to the best start.

I should be civil, but not go out of my way to get very close to them.

Germanshepherdsmum Sat 10-Jun-23 18:30:18

You assumed the neighbour was a man NanaDana. Nothing the OP has said has indicated the neighbour’s gender has it?

crazyH Sat 10-Jun-23 18:32:28

Age and money are 2 no-nos. You have a very rude neighbour 😡

Oreo Sat 10-Jun-23 18:33:28

Nope, maybe it was a ‘they’ 😬

CaroleLM16 Sat 10-Jun-23 18:40:25

He definitely wasn’t being cruel. He just didn’t think anything of it.

CaroleLM16 Sat 10-Jun-23 18:41:24

The neighbour is a man.

NanaDana Sat 10-Jun-23 18:49:02

Germanshepherdsmum

You assumed the neighbour was a man NanaDana. Nothing the OP has said has indicated the neighbour’s gender has it?

Exactly so, GSM.. as I've just said...it was an assumption based on the lack of any further information. And your point is?

Visgir1 Sat 10-Jun-23 18:51:59

Don't worry about it, just keep doing what your doing Nature is obviously kind to you.

Your DH didn't really think, when he told you, no excuse but they can be a bit dense at times. He was just telling you what the nosy neighbour said.

Germanshepherdsmum Sat 10-Jun-23 18:53:38

As you’ve said elsewhere ND,
don’t speculate.

M0nica Sat 10-Jun-23 18:54:57

If you have managed to get through life without ever hearing someone say something really rude and personal to your face, or through someone close, all I can say is that you have led a very sheltered life.

A remark like this is just about worth a short laugh, and then to be forgotten. To dwell on it is a waste of unnecessary thought.

NanaDana Sat 10-Jun-23 19:02:03

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LRavenscroft Sat 10-Jun-23 20:03:20

Lessons to be learnt: take a wide berth of said neighbour in the future. Who wants to chat with someone who makes personal comments? Secondly, I too went through a phase in my early sixties where I was on the cusp of getting older and felt not in and not out. However, now that I am over 65 I am comfortably enjoying wisdom, choices, and 'who cares' far more. Thirdly: lucky you having a younger very handsome husband,

Forlornhope Sat 10-Jun-23 20:19:12

The neighbour could have been ‘fishing’, trying to find out more about you without alerting your husband that he’s taken an interest. Whatever, he’s a neighbour to be kept at a polite distance.

MerylStreep Sat 10-Jun-23 20:21:00

I think someone’s having us on.