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Feeling Ancient

(76 Posts)
CaroleLM16 Sat 10-Jun-23 17:59:37

My husband is five years younger than me and I always thought we looked about the same age because he’s a little bit weathered (but very handsome as people keep telling) and I’m slim and thought I looked a bit younger than my age. He has just been speaking to a new neighbour who said ‘your wife looks a bit older than you, if you don’t mind me saying. Is she still working?’ I’m really upset now as I feel ancient. I was an exercise instructor before the pandemic which I did alongside a professional job and I was going to look for a venue to do classes (we’ve recently moved) but after that remark I have decided not to bother. My DH thinks I’m overreacting because I am a few years older than him and they thought he was in his early fifties (he’s 57) so I should be glad that they think I’m only in my fifties (I’m 62) but I suddenly feel very old! I also think the neighbour (who’s about 40) is really cheeky making such a personal remark. I’ll get over it because it doesn’t really matter, my DH adores me and there isn’t anything wrong with women looking their age but I can’t stop sulking (very juvenile ironically). Would it bother you?

haighsue Mon 12-Jun-23 12:12:36

There are far too many people happy to pass on unkind and ignorant remarks made by others. It’s easy to say take no notice but it can be hurtful - so tell your husband! He won’t do it again, I bet,

ExDancer Mon 12-Jun-23 12:38:33

Get out there and start your new classes. I stupidly gave up teaching (kiddies ballet) during covid and haven't resumed because of similar remarks from so-called friends. "it was time you stopped gallivanting around" and such opinions.
Apart from benefitting pupils of any age, you will find your own fitness declining once you stop 'galivanting'.
I was a fool.

Ali08 Mon 12-Jun-23 12:49:45

Oh good lord, it could be that this new neighbour was trying to be friendly and simply said something he didn't realise was going to upset anyone!
So what if he thinks you're older?
Not everything is meant to be hurtful!!

Ali08 Mon 12-Jun-23 12:50:09

What did your husband say in response??

HeavenLeigh Mon 12-Jun-23 12:56:53

Just realised some of us are thinking the neighbour that remarked was a man, others are thinking it was a woman! So was the neighbour male or female CaroleM16

nexus63 Mon 12-Jun-23 13:22:10

people used to think my late husband was my dad, he was the same age as my mum, he was 18 years older than me, best one, i was in labour and the nurse said your dad is here, her face when i said ..no that is the babies dad..lol don't let it bother you, after all age is just a number.

AreWeThereYet Mon 12-Jun-23 13:27:45

Some years ago I remember my mother telling us that a shop assistant thought my father was her son, as in 'will your son pack or do you want some assistance?' She was a bit miffed but laughed about it when she told us all. I think my parents were both about 68 at the time. She chose to believe that my father looked younger than his years (which he did) rather than she looked much older than hers.

Supergranuation Mon 12-Jun-23 13:59:59

A few years ago, actually quite a long time ago, someone came to the door selling something, can't remember what. Anyway, he came back again the next day and my husband answered the door. The man said to him ' I saw your Mum yesterday' !! We often laugh about it, yes, even me!!!!

cc Mon 12-Jun-23 15:04:19

Your new neighbour sounds like a real b*tch! What a nasty and unnecessary thing to say, so sorry,

Sleepygran Mon 12-Jun-23 15:17:37

Some people have no filter, if they think it, they say it.
I had a mother like that!

Stella14 Mon 12-Jun-23 15:19:15

Oh for heaven’s sake. Get a grip woman. It’s nothing 🤷‍♀️

Grammaretto Mon 12-Jun-23 15:27:09

I was 38 when my DD was born. I remember when she was about 9 taking her swimming and another child asking me if she could play with my granddaughter. I was a bit miffed but shouldn't have cared.

FannyCornforth Mon 12-Jun-23 15:43:46

HeavenLeigh

Just realised some of us are thinking the neighbour that remarked was a man, others are thinking it was a woman! So was the neighbour male or female CaroleM16

She’s already said - it was a man

FannyCornforth Mon 12-Jun-23 15:44:46

CaroleLM16

The neighbour is a man.

Heresmile

missdeke Mon 12-Jun-23 16:26:29

Hetty58

Why would he tell you that they said it? Cruel!

Maybe after all the years they have been married he was maybe pleased not to be thought of as older than his wife. I doubt he thought he was being cruel. Husbands can be a bit can be a bit thoughtless at times.

Saggi Mon 12-Jun-23 17:07:36

At the last hospital app I accompanied my husband to …..a very young nurse said” you can bring your father through now”….he was in a wheelchair….. I’ve never felt so gratified , as he’s only 4 years older ! Mind you that was 5 years ago now! But after that he stopped attending hospital appointments and now has eventually had to go into care!
Now he’s looking younger than me as I still work at 72 to pay the care bills.
But yes….you are sulking a bit ….get back to the exercises and watch that flirty neighbour.

Taichinan Mon 12-Jun-23 17:22:52

What an absolutely astounding remark for anyone to make. She is definitely a person to steer clear of on so many counts! How on earth did they get into a conversation about ages anyway? Honestly!! I'm sure you will find that very few people like her. Just be yourself, confident in the knowledge your husband loves you, and follow your own plans. Remember, age is only a number. And I do know what I'm talking about as my husband was four years younger than me. I was rather proud of that 😉

Taichinan Mon 12-Jun-23 17:27:58

Oops. I should have read all the thread before putting in my twopennyworth above. I just automatically thought it was the remark of a predator and a woman. But I still think it was a strange comment!

Northernlass Mon 12-Jun-23 17:30:25

How about starting up your exercise class again and giving your neighbour a flyer>! Deliver it personally, smile and suggest it'll help to get himself fit....

Enjoy being the age you are and the things you're able to do. Have a look at Tricia Cusden's blogs on her Look Fabulous Forever website - oh, and get yourself one of these:

dandystar.com/collections/thats-not-my-age/products/wiser-sweatshirt

sally45 Mon 12-Jun-23 17:30:42

Hi, I have a partner of 73 and I`m 78. He doesn`t look his age and I must say it keeps me on my toes not to look any older than I am!. Saying this because I am aware of the age difference (nothing to do with him} and I can understand how you feel. However, everyone has hit the nail, very very rude neighbour and a rather insensitive husband. Do your class!

inishowen Mon 12-Jun-23 18:58:52

When we moved into this house we were both 48. A new neighbour took a parcel in for us and asked if we had grandchildren. I was taken aback and said my children weren't old enough to have children. I have never forgiven the old bat. She must be in her late fifties now and I wouldn't dream of suggesting she was old enough to have grandchildren.

Patsy70 Mon 12-Jun-23 19:51:18

Forget it! Just get on with your life and do all the positive things you’d planned. Stupid neighbour and a bit insensitive of your OH to mention it. That’s men sometimes (not always, for those who are about to berate me! 😂)

mabon1 Mon 12-Jun-23 20:31:55

Get over it

Redhead56 Tue 13-Jun-23 00:12:39

It's very rude and ignorant of your neighbour to make personal remarks. It's even more rude and insensitive to repeat them your DH lacks tact.
Move on from it though life is too short it's not worth dwelling on it.

VioletSky Tue 13-Jun-23 18:05:47

mabon1

Get over it

Reading this comment solved all my problems, cured cancer, ended world hunger, undid climate change and finally brought us a world at peace

Thank you