to be fed up with casual ageism?

The bit I thought was ageist was saying 'I'll help if you get in a mess'. She didn't say that to the younger person who came in.

Totally wrong to assume that, because I'm older, I don't understand technology.

I must have been looking particularly rough.

I often think these assistants look bored, I’m sure their primary function is to watch for shoplifting.
I only use the self service in the small M&S local, it’s fine, until they update the software, so slow last time the assistant came over and was complaining about it.

NO IT ISNT that’s up to store security

In 5 yrs I have never looked out for thieving, customers are fickle, you see one struggling with packing, offer to help “ oh thank you so much”, the next one, a very short “NO I’m perfectly able”.
It’s all part of the job you shrug it off.

Anybody who wishes to assist me in a supermarket is very welcome. I cause chaos anyway at self checkouts as I am left handed and always start with the bag on the wrong side, then have to change it and the machine doesn't like it. This has nothing to do with age although I suppose if they had been around when I was young I would be better trained.

JackyB have a lovely trip.
How nice to come back for a while.

kittylester

The bit I thought was ageist was saying 'I'll help if you get in a mess'. She didn't say that to the younger person who came in.

Totally wrong to assume that, because I'm older, I don't understand technology.

I must have been looking particularly rough.

The machines are stupid so it's very easy to "get in a mess". I often do and it's nothing to do with my age or my ability to work machines. Thr machines go wrong a lot.

The last time I used one (two days ago), it wanted me to take the milk I'd just put in my bag out again even though it was on my bill. I did what it said and it charged me again. I called Friendly Bloke over and he said "Next time it tells you to take something out that it has charge you for, just ignore it."

He also showed me the "help" button which would mean I didn't have to go over to the cigarette counter where he works to tell him the bloody machine was playing up again.

I have needed his help multiple times. People like him who give help know that the machines are primitive (roll on AI. I say!) and give daft orders, etc, etc, etc.

It's not ageism.

When I presented my loyalty card in my supermarket and it pinged straight away the assistant said "well done!"
These things just amuse me. I am not offended at all.
I think in some supermarkets the assistants have some training to look out for dementia sufferers.

When I say a machine is stupid I mean it is badly set up/programmed.

We bought some beer in Asda last night and the assistant laughingly said 'Do I need to ask for ID?'. I just said 'Oh please do. It would make my day'. My DH said to me afterwards 'How b****y patronising'. I told him she was only trying to be nice. She said when she said it to a woman once, the woman said 'Grow up'.

I agree with many PP’s to just kindly say you can manage or accept help as a gift horse especially carrying bags or assisting with large items. If we don’t make use of these assistants they will be gone for good. They will lose their jobs and people that really need help won’t be able to get it IMO.

If they are helping at the self-service, why can't they be on the check-out? I hate doing it myself, and never get it right. There was one check-out when I was last in Morrisons, and a long queue. Lots of self-service not busy, so I'm obviously not alone in not liking to do it myself.

When trying to negotiate a car park machine some time ago, a helpful elderly gent said "You can give it a good kick - it's got no brain, you know" (strong Derbyshire accent). I always recall that now when dealing with recalcitrant machines!

My biggest shock was finding out that at 65 you are a geriatric. I take help if needed but think of myself as I always have, apart from a few wrinkles.

Yes. Strolled into TKMaxx recently, should I look at handbags first or shoes. While deciding which way to go round the shop, up comes an assistant asking if I was 'confused', as in 'are you confused dear?'

Bit her head off sorry to say, but there was nothing there next time!

I'm 93 next month and quite enjoy being "looked after". Wouldn't have a clue how to self-serve and have everything delivered from various stores. If anyone offered to help =in a clothing store I would ask for a seat and explain my needs. If I were browsing, I'd say so. Sorry, like having doors opened for me, and always say"+Thank you". I have had a PC since 1995 and LOVE the Internet!

I rang a washing machine manufacturer about getting my machine repaired. The "young" lady went through innumerable questions and then asked my age group which I was daft enough to admit to over 70. She then proceeded to talk down to me in a voice I wouldn't use to a child. I assume I am more intelligent and better educated than a call centre operative. Or is that assumption ageist and sexist?

I was behind an elderly couple (even older than me I would say, and a little frail) and they asked an assistant for help. She refused and just told them how to do it in the briefest of terms. One of the people was possibly German (he had an accent of some sort). He was quite shocked and I felt ashamed. I helped them myself as any decent person would. What are assistants there for if not to help customers. This was in Sainsburys last week.

This morning I went to pick up a 12 ltr can of paint from a local hardware store. The young chap carried it for me and placed it in my car. Must admit I hadn’t reckoned on the weight of 12 ltrs of paint! I was grateful.

OTOH yesterday on Sainsbury’s one of the managers on sorting out a miscoding on the meal deal, said, ‘ I’ll tell you what, my dear we’ll put it all through at the original price.’ Well, so you should, I thought, it’s your error. But the ‘my dear’ got me thinking. It did feel patronising, but what would he have called me? Madam sounds too formal, whilst duck or love wouldn’t be right either.

..in Sainsbury’s…🙄

For different reasons I have twice had fairly through cognitive assessments ove rthe past year.

One of the doctors dealing with my (medical) problems sounded almost aggrieved that, at 80, I had absolutely no cognitive problems whatsoever and over achieved in several of the tests.

There is so much fear in this country about getting older and appearing to need help. We hold independence in the highest of esteem, as thought getting older and needing help sometimes, is some sort of failure!

Unlike in other cultures we are not considered the wise elders of our community and are often labeled doddery, old, past it etc.
In other cultures older people are valued and it is taken for granted that they deserve respect and, yes, help when needed.

Personally I enjoy being asked if I would like some help. Not that I'm doddery or anything like it but rather that I have earned the right to be able to step back a bit and let younger people with more energy offer to help.

I have a lovely Indian family move in above me... they care about and respect older people and I am shown so much concern and love from them. She offers me help... some of it I take and others I gently say that I need to keep active. She also brings me down delicious meals. I don't let it make me feel old but rather that I matter and deserve this care.

Some days I am full of energy and others I'm a bit tired...all part of the ageing process.

There is a huge 'ageist' industry making billions of ££ brainwashing us, telling us we must look and act young. Face lifts,( painful and expensive) anti wrinkle creams( that don't do anything!) on and on...

The fact remains that these bodies are getting older, it's a natural part of life! I intend to grow old gracefully. Offers of help? Yes, please.

I really feel sorry for the people offering to help others including men who do not know where they stand with most women these days. Why is it is hard just to accept help and say thank you. Perhaps try it yourself and offer help to others to feel how nice that makes you fell yourselves. I just cannot get it sorry.

At M&S this morning there were “Greeters “on every door. and they wished you on your way as you left. Their tabards said Happy To Help . With the introduction of self serve and reduction of staff etc this might be the only human conversation many of us have all day. Personally at 77 I’m happy with any help offered anywhere, whether I need it or not I accept graciously.

This rang a bell with something I heard about Waitrose on a radio station recently, and on doing a Google search just now I found a BBC article on how shops are coping with an increase in shoplifting: 'Waitrose has also trialled "love-bombing" in some of its stores to deter would-be shoplifters - being extra attentive to customers, including by asking if help is needed at self-checkouts. Nicki Juniper, head of security for Waitrose, said: "While it's a sector-wide issue, we've found a very Waitrose way to tackle it.'"'

I agree. Accept help graciously and be polite if you don't need it. Young people are often more solicitous to help than one might imagine from the press and media.