to be fed up with casual ageism?

I was offered a seat yesterday by a rather large young lady who looked liked she needed a sit down as much as I did. However, I thanked her and took the seat as I didn't want to appear ungrateful. I am always pleased when younger people offer to help and are pleasant. I know when I was 20 I thought 70 was ancient!

I’m used to being offered help I don’t necessarily need because I’m disabled. I just smile, accept and say thank you, it’s good that people are willing to help.

Last time I bought a laptop I was treated like an aged idiot by the young salesman. I then started asking him several technical questions which he blatantly couldn’t answer!
Don’t judge people by their age. I worked in computing for 20 years and could teach any salesman a thing or two 😂

At least she didn’t add ‘dear’ to her greeting. This drives me out of my mind. When a young person in a shop calls me ‘dear’ or ‘love’, I want to scream.
A while back, I tripped over my clogs in our garden and split my head open. Now my husband does an alarm sound -woooooo- when there is any uneven ground. This too drives me bonkers but I know he means well.

I am happy to accept/reject offers of help, but what I really dislike is someone either face to face or on the phone saying “oh bless you “ I know that they usually know how old I am,Drs or pharmacy but I don’t need a blessing for being my age. Sneezing is another matter and I’m guilty of doing it 😊

I had to spend some time in A & E this week. I had just told the nurse that although I am 77 I swim 3 times a week, do gardening, shopping, housework, look after my husband . Last year I decorated 3 rooms in our bungalow. After I had finished telling her she said " do you have carers?" I should have said "yes she held the pot of paint while I was up the step ladder".

I can’t walk far so shop late at night as I can park close to the doors. The checkouts are usually closed but staff congregate in the self service area to natter. I’m invariably offered help and to be truthful, only use the store so much as I can use their mobility scooters, have an addiction to their pate with bacon, plus need help. Can’t stand those aggravating machines. So much easier to let the staff get annoyed at them before offering to help me get bags to the car after I’ve left the scooter. !!

Unless the shop assistent's tone was very patronising, I would never myself have felt this was ageism, but purely good customer service.

I do object to hovering assistents when I have made it clear that I am only looking, but I suppose they hover to deter shop-lifting.

But then being Scottish by upbringing and Danish by marriage I am probably much more forthright than an English person would be and have no hesitiation in replying to a youngster assuming I needed help with an automatic check-out, "That's all right, son, I've been using these things since you were still at school." which could be seen as an ageist remark too.

I refuse to use those self checkouts. I’m not a member if staff and I don’t want to jeopardise the jobs if those who are.

I haven't quite experienced that, but any hint of ageism does annoy me. I'm 72, I have no (visible) grey hairs and I'm slim and swift-moving (notice I am avoiding the term 'sprightly'! ) I do not want to be surrounded by the attitude/expectation that I am going to struggle with anything because of my age. I do not tell anyone (even quite good friends) my age, if I can help it. Not because I am ashamed, but because a certain attitude can start to colour conversations etc. Does it matter? Yes, I think it does, for 'As you think, so you become' and only the most stout-minded of us are not subtly affected by the beliefs of those around us. Having said this I would always be gracious and polite to anyone who offered help. It's hard walking that line between being considerate and being patronising, and anyone who tries to be kind deserves the benefit of the doubt.

I do a part time admin job at weekends and a couple of the other women repeatedly ask me "are you ok?" in a passive aggressive way to signify if I need help they are qualified to give it! So annoying!! Im perfectly competent and worked there longer than them. They also interrupt me on the phone with comments they think I need to say without even being able to hear what the customer is saying. All because Im the oldest :-(

Help

Ageism is the last acceptable form of discrimination, and it is everywhere. From the (young, female) doctor who said "Aw bless!" to my articulate and mentally acute 92 year old mother, to the way in which "disabled"is used to apply only to younger people - it's apparently "normal" if you're over 65! Everyone internalises this idea of older people as confused, weak, stupid, of less worth to society (whatever they have contributed in the past) to an extent. It's hard to fight against, but it is worth it, if we want a society where everyone is valued as an individual, regardless of their chronological age. Sorry for the rant - maybe a bit off topic but it's something I feel strongly about.

I always find these threads interesting. People annoyed that these young people dare offer them help, all while on other threads talking down about younger people.

Bingo summerlove

If they are helping at the self-service, why can't they be on the check-out?

The Friendly Bloke who has helped me is on the cigarette counter, which is usually quite busy because people who only want to buy a couple of things use it too. So he has got a job aside from being friendly and helpful to people stumped by machine idiosyncracies.

My aunt isn’t very good on her legs and gets a bit confused so asked for help at the airport, she just expected help with directions etc.

She was surprised when an attendant with wheelchair arrived. “I’m not disabled”, - “Maybe not Ma’am but I’m here to take you all the way to your airplane and you must use the wheelchair”.

We should all show we need them, then perhaps their jobs as till operators will be reinstated and they will not be made redundant.

They also interrupt me on the phone

Tell them not to do that.

I'm sorry you have this experience. I'm 65 and work part time in an admin role for a local charity. I'm really lucky that all my colleagues, all younger than me, make me feel valued, and look to me for help and advice, rather than patronising me in this way. I think you need to speak to your colleagues about their behaviour, and ask them straight out if they have a problem with your work, so that any issues can be addressed.

I really don’t understand why people get so upset at being called dear, love, whatever or being blessed. Isn’t it better than someone being surly and looking as though you’re a nuisance? And if anyone were to offer me help with something I would respond gracefully. Being polite costs nothing.

Germanshepherdsmum

I really don’t understand why people get so upset at being called dear, love, whatever or being blessed. Isn’t it better than someone being surly and looking as though you’re a nuisance? And if anyone were to offer me help with something I would respond gracefully. Being polite costs nothing.

Ay up, Orrite thair me duck?

I have finally reached the station in life - where I can play the ageism card. I love it.

• I accept friendly offers of help IF I need it - Usually not.
• I plead for help when I need it - At 76, yes ‘mam, I earned it.
• I feign stupidity over technology - I’m 76, remember?
• I love it when men hold the door for me - thank you! 😍
• If someone smarts off at me - ”Listen, you pipsqueek, I have underwear older than you!”

I’m a whiz at self-scanners!
USA Gundy

Love it, gundy

Me duck’s fine with me Callistemon, or pet, or whatever friendly term anyone cares to use.