Splitting childcare between daughters

Tell them you can do one day a week for each of them( if that what you are prepared to do). They can sort out the days between them. You can’t play King Solomon here- if they can’t agree between them then you can say “ I’ll do Mondays for YD and Fridays for OD. That’s my availability. If you don’t like it you can pay a professional. “

Goodness, your daughters are acting as though they’re entitled! They don’t own you. Vegansrock has advice to a T.

Whatever childcare you want to do should be split equally

Decide how much you want to do, and then divide it by half

They aren't entitled to unpaid labour

Personally, I would tell them both to look for a child minder for their children. It is a dreadful situation to be stuck in the middle of their quarrel and whilst it is lovely to look after the GC do remember you have a life and none of us are getting any younger.

Follow vegans advice and let the DD's sort themselves out

Goodness, there are some entitled adult children about.

The older daughter doesn't dictate what child care you do; you have helped her out and now the younger daughter needs your help.
Do what you are prepared to do for her, and likewise for the older daughter should she get a job, but make sure you limit the time you are prepared to offer to both, and at the first hint of 'she's getting more than me' threaten to drop it.

Just to add it is not entirely unpaid labour - my older daughter pays me a small sum (nothing like the cost of a childminder or nursery but that was why she asked in the first place as they couldn't afford that} and the younger daughter pays a portion of my gym fee {David Lloyd so a reasonably high fee).

One day a week for each daughter. Is enough. If that's not received with gratitude then withdraw your generous offer.

Two days out of your week is plenty , because as children grow older so do you and while they are full of beans we get more tired. I needed the next day to recover. This is your time, to do what you choose without being tied to particular days.

Easier to increase day care later, but always harder to reduce.

X post 6Gran

One day a week each and if they can't decide which day they want you, take Vegansrock's advice and tell which day you'll allocate to each. Good luck.

Seems the most sensible suggestion from vegansrock and silverlining one day a week each that leaves you time for yourself as well.
They are being very thoughtless putting you in this position I think.

Whoaaaa.... well put vegansrock. This expectation infuriates me. My DD asked me if I could help and if I could, she would work round the day I stipulated. You certainly did right in saying don't put me in the middle.

If I understand correctly it’s all a bit up in the air anyway. The older daughter wont need childcare for a bit because she’s being made redundant and the younger one only wants a temporary day until a nursery place becomes available.
You might be able to fit on with both in the timescale.

However I have to say that you’re not obliged to do childcare unless you’re loving it, so maybe take this opportunity to review the arrangements?

I tell them to sort it out, not get in the middle.

Fortunately, our daughters only dropped their by and didn't feel entitled to scheduled care - fortunate because I have tasks and hate to be scheduled by others. Perhaps less scheduled time?

Decide what YOU want to do and which days. Tell them that is available shared between them. Tell them to sort it out how it will be shared.

Them paying makes no difference to their "entitlement" ...it is entirely up to you what you offer and it is NOT your problem pr job to sort out their squabbles over what you are willing to offer! If they cant just stick to what you have offered and wait!

Why cant your daughters behave like adults and address their own children care needs individually instead of making this much unnecessary drama?

Child, not children

Unless your daughter who is job hunting has child-care five days a week she will be severely limited in what jobs she will be offered, so she needs to sort that out as her first priority.

She is also being unkind as her brother-in-law's health is apparently the reason that her sister needs your help with child-care right now.

If they were my daughters I would help the girl who has an ill husband, right now, and tell the other to be her age. She has had years of child-care out of you, now it is her sister's turn, and she can like it or lump it.

Tell them this is upsetting you now so in future they will have to sort out their own daytime childcare as you need some time to yourself. Tell them you are happy to babysit when they want to go out with their partners and will be pleased to step in for an emergency too.

I see nothing wrong with that. I think some offspring rely on parents too much. When I went back to work my parents had not been retired long and I could see they were happy doing things together, days out, picnics etc and I thought they deserved that after bringing up their own kids. I therefore paid a childminder which was a big chunk of money but it kept my job open.

Sounds as if it isbypu older daughter who is kicking up a fuss. If she can't be happy to use what ever you can offer then she pay for full time nursery care
Ever considered have both grandchildren on the same day thus freeing up your time.

Goodness me! Very entitled me thinks, totally agree with Hithere! They sound so childish. I would say one day each and that’s your lot matey!

I was helping with GC for over two years long days. When my third GC was born I said to DS and Dil I couldn't be so available. I was wanting to see my new GC. Their response was rather selfish imo and rather annoyed me at the time.
I have not been asked to help with them since it was either their way or no way!
Occasionally I am asked to help with third GC but they live too far away for regular childcare. I do see our three GC on a regular basis I am glad to say and we do all get on well.
I think at times adult offspring take grandparents for granted and expect constant child care without question.
Our friends both couples constantly complain their time is not their own. They have childcare and out of school activities with timetables. I don't think I would want to put up with that and I know DH would not either.

vegansrock

Tell them you can do one day a week for each of them( if that what you are prepared to do). They can sort out the days between them. You can’t play King Solomon here- if they can’t agree between them then you can say “ I’ll do Mondays for YD and Fridays for OD. That’s my availability. If you don’t like it you can pay a professional. “

This!

It's their problem to sort out, not yours, 6Grann4

eazybee

Goodness, there are some entitled adult children about.

The older daughter doesn't dictate what child care you do; you have helped her out and now the younger daughter needs your help.
Do what you are prepared to do for her, and likewise for the older daughter should she get a job, but make sure you limit the time you are prepared to offer to both, and at the first hint of 'she's getting more than me' threaten to drop it.

Good advice from Eazybee

Hithere

Why cant your daughters behave like adults and address their own children care needs individually instead of making this much unnecessary drama?

I agree!