Feeling let down

But weren't we all once busy as young parents?

I know that when my mum or dad went to the GP, or hospital or indeed in for a procedure, they were in the forefront of my mind, and I would phone beforehand, which was a comfort to both me and them.

I think there has been a shift in the thinking of the younger generation, and an acceptance by the older generation of this.
I personally feel sad about it though, it's literally 2 minutes from their day/ evening- not a big ask really?

Glad to hear icandoit that all has gone well for your husband.

So pleased to hear that your DH is home Icandoit and I hope all goes smoothly. A worrying time and quite hurtful when our children don’t send messages of encouragement. I’m inclined to agree with the sentiments of Sorchame. 💐

I had the opposite experience years ago with my parents: I rang one evening for a routine chat with my Mum, to be told by my Dad that she was in hospital for a procedure (can't remember what).
Neither of them had thought to tell me beforehand!
I was really taken aback and upset, but fortunately all was well.

Best wishes to your husband Icandoit 😊

Or maybe she’s selfish and thoughtless?

I share your hurt, can’t go into too much detail but middle D never calls lives in France is very ‘busy’ with work, socialising, in-laws. Her premise is call if you want to talk? It hurts.

It's August kids are not in school. It's possible ke they weren't even up yet at 8:30 in the holidays. Depending on how old they are.

You have posted very early in the day and as you expressed she is a busy mum with a demanding job, I think it's a little unrealistic to expect a message first thing. I'm sure she would message later to ask how things have gone.

I understand family being first priority but there is only DH and yourself. Her first priority now has to be her kids and her nuclear family. Once she has left to have a family of her own, unfortunately you then become extended family.

My DH's parents live round the corner and we have barely spoken to them and haven't seen them in a month. We've had a little one to deal with, bouts of illness, busy work schedules and, being pregnant again, I have pregnancy symptoms and appointments we have had to navigate.

It's no offence to anyone but their nuclear family now comes first and I understand why she wouldn't just get up out of bed and immediately message, messaging is a courtesy and she's doing what is necessary. Try not to take it to heart, she will be in contact.

I’m so sorry but I’m new to this site and don’t understand the abbreviations used. DH, DD etc?

Robbo12

I’m so sorry but I’m new to this site and don’t understand the abbreviations used. DH, DD etc?

At the top of the page, there is a list of abbreviations under the Acronyms page, I think they are a nuisance and make for difficult reading, I especially dislike the DH, DD etc as it stands for dear husband and dear daughter, the dear makes me cringe.

If you scroll down Robbo12 towards the bottom of the screen you can click on Acronyms and all will be explained!

I guess that it's the incredible pressure of modern life .

I'd be disappointed as well .

But I'm glad that it went smoothly .

Wishing your husband and you well .

I can sympathise, i hope she gets in touch. My daughter, a very cared for daughter i have given up a hope for. Her only concern is herself and the only good thing is i know that. If your daughter has been fine up to now im sure it has just slipped her mind.

Sorchame

But weren't we all once busy as young parents?

I know that when my mum or dad went to the GP, or hospital or indeed in for a procedure, they were in the forefront of my mind, and I would phone beforehand, which was a comfort to both me and them.

I think there has been a shift in the thinking of the younger generation, and an acceptance by the older generation of this.
I personally feel sad about it though, it's literally 2 minutes from their day/ evening- not a big ask really?

Glad to hear icandoit that all has gone well for your husband.

I agree with this. My SIL died 2 years ago aged 66 leaving her husband and two adult daughters who she has spent her whole life looking after emotionally and financially. As her illness worsened she finally admitted that they didn’t really put themselves out to help her and told her husband “you do realise if anything happens to us we are on our own don’t you?”
Even when she was in and out of hospital every week they were ringing up to ask if their Dad could collect kids from school or babysit. We have been quite shocked at how selfish they are.

They have barely supported their Dad at all and he says he can go weeks without them ringing him and it’s usually him who has to text them.

Like most of us, I have kids but I always took my parents to hospital appointments etc and arranged childcare with my husband or a childminder.

My son has fairly recently moved into his own home, and on the odd occasion we feel a bit out touch (rare, as he phones several times a week), I think back to when I had first moved out, working full time and trying to sort out my own affairs and change of life, and remember how full-on daily pressure was.
As for the time of posting, when I was a full time working mum, that time of day I would have been taking my son to school or childminder in holidays, then driving to work, finding a parking space, and then at 8.30am dealing with the queue of colleagues, phone calls and emails! So it's possible your daughter didn't at that point have the personal space and quiet to contact you and her Dad, rather than it bring a deliberate omission.
Hope your husband is over the procedure, and any test results are good, and you can enjoy a get together with your daughter and her family.

Do send a text. I have to remind my DD’s of everything, particularly regarding their father. He thinks they are wonderful and always spontaneous so I try not to ruin his illusions, but I think they are thoughtless and should try harder.

Hope it went well for him, I would have expected our daughter to have shown some concern, mine even did when their quite new to the family stepdad was poorly

My daughters the same ….great in a crisis …but hopeless at remembering family stuff!

I know we are always making excuses for our grown up dds that they are so busy with work and family life but honestly they should understand that family extends outside their own immediate family. Mine included in this. A call or text takes minutes but means a lot. Glad your dh is home recovering and in my opinion your feelings were valid.

Very glad to hear the procedure went well and he’s now home where he can rest and enjoy family visits.

Dealing with parental mortality can be a bit of a difficult shift when you’re a grown up, one of my sons was completely distraught after visiting me after an emergency hospital admission with a gall bladder abscess and seeing that I was very ill, possibly ill enough to die!

Try not to be too upset with your daughter, this is the way that family rifts start. IMO she simply forgot the date, it happens, however important the person in hospital is to you.

Sending you a much-deserved - it’s obviously been a very anxious time for you.

You could have simply dropped her a text to say 'don't forget that your Dad is having his procedure today", no one should be too distracted or busy to remember family.

However, I now see that you have updated the thread and I hope your OH is ok.

Hope everything has gone well and that your daughter has phoned.

DH going for a gastroscopy tomorrow, so I know exactly how you feel as the dread spectre of cancer is lurking ready to pounce on us both!

I dug a quarter of a garden bed yesterday while dismally considering widowhood - hope prematurely!

I feel your daughter should have remembered, neither our parents' generation nor ours let the demands of jobs and small children make us forget to ring our parents when they were worried and anxious, so why should the present generation of young parents get away with this kind of thoughtlessness?

The boot is on the other foot here, as neither of us have told our adult son, but will do so tomorrow whatever the result.

Congrats mamasperspective!

To add to what she said

This medical procedure was outpatient, so usually the risk is low and very routine
Could have that impacted your daughter's response?

You also said once again, so what is the other ocassion where she was not there for you as you expected her to be?

Glad he's home and resting.

I use my Samsung phone for Gransnet. There's no Acronym button top or bottom of my screen. I struggle with 'DS/DH' etc due to dyspraxia and find some of the abbreviations indecipherable.

After 63 years of marriage I have learned to pre-warn my family of everything, from birthdays to holiday dates and that includes hospital trips.

My screen doesn't show any acronyms either. I just had to guess what they stood for.
Personally I find it quicker to type 'husband' or 'daughter' or 'gson' and it avoids misunderstandings. I remember being very confused after I first joined, when the original poster (or OP) was talking about her son-in law (SIL) and her sister in law (also SIL).
They are very confusing.

Well said Sorechame.