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Feeling let down

(66 Posts)
Icandoit Fri 11-Aug-23 08:24:42

Feeling let down, my DH is in hospital today for quite an obtrusive procedure. It is a day bed I know however it is quite traumatising for him. Our DD although knows about the procedure today has not been in contact with DH or myself to say 'good luck' or anything. I feel very let down with this in that she has totally forgotten (one again). She is a busy mum and has a very demanding job however family in my opinion is always at the top of the list.

Oopsadaisy1 Fri 11-Aug-23 08:31:23

I always remind my DDs if something that I think is important is coming up, i just send a text the day before as I know they forget things as well.
So it’s just easier to remind them.
I hope your DHs op goes well.

dogsmother Fri 11-Aug-23 08:33:01

Good luck from me 💐
It’s a tough realisation health, I had one rude awakening a few years ago so I really can relate.

Hetty58 Fri 11-Aug-23 08:35:21

Icandoit, as it's only 8.30 am, I'm sure she's busily rushing around with the kids and getting to school/work - so my first thought was 'Give her a chance!'

If she doesn't get in touch, it might be because she doesn't want to disturb you or she'll wait until it's over. I doubt that she's forgotten, I really do.

All the best for today and hoping it goes well and is over quickly.

Aveline Fri 11-Aug-23 08:39:33

Hoping all goes well today and that your daughter reassures you. Maybe she'll be in touch tonight to see how it went?

Dickens Fri 11-Aug-23 08:43:43

I can only echo what others have said.

I'm sure it's not because she doesn't care - you said yourself she's a busy mum, and it's still early in the day, that part of the day when mums are usually involved with breakfast and getting kids to school, etc.

Sometimes parents have a lot to think about, maybe send her a text later - it may genuinely have slipped her mind. But that doesn't mean she doesn't care. You, on the other hand, have made it your whole focus, understandably.

And I hope all goes well for your DH. The procedure will soon be over and done with.

Smileless2012 Fri 11-Aug-23 08:50:55

Sending good wishes for your DH today Icandoit.

If you don't hear from your D, send a text when his procedure is over, letting her know how it went. She may have forgotten or got her dates mixed up. You say in your op "once again" so maybe in the future a simple reminder the day before would be a good idea, so you don't feel let down and she doesn't feel guilty for forgetting.

Bella23 Fri 11-Aug-23 08:57:34

As others have said text her and tell her all went well. They all forget, her focus will be her job and children, your main focus is your DH. I hope all goes well.

M0nica Fri 11-Aug-23 08:58:03

Some times, no matter how much family is top of your list , other things force their way to the front.

It is only 8.30. The fact that she is not in contact when you want her, doesn't mean she is not thinking of you.

keepingquiet Fri 11-Aug-23 09:08:19

I agree- she has a busy life. I know it doesn't take long to send a text but she's probably
a) forgotten, because even our closest friends and family forget stuff when they are busy
b) is really, really busy sorting out her work and kids and intends to message when she's time
c) doesn't feel so concerned as it is a routine procedure and assumes you will be in touch when it's over

I would add that it is your own understandable anxiety making you feel this way. Maybe you have a close friend you can chat to who is less time pressured?
I know we have expectations of our children as adults that sometimes falls short of what they can deliver.

I am sure she will be in touch soon. Take care and hope DH is ok.

Redhead56 Fri 11-Aug-23 09:10:00

Your dh will be well looked after to calm his nerves I am sure he will be fine. Many young people these days do seem to be ever so busy I know our two are with work and families. They probably prioritise what they are doing each day with time tables etc.
I would send a text just as a reminder so she can text her dad to wish him well.

BlueBelle Fri 11-Aug-23 09:18:57

When was the last time you spoke about it to your daughter if it was yesterday then she is being thoughtless, however if it was a few days or a week ago and she’s busy with children and a demanding job as you imply then I think your being over the top in expectations Why didn’t you last night nudge her and say dads going for his day op tomorrow he’s really a bit scared I know he’d appreciates text or call from you

BigBertha1 Fri 11-Aug-23 09:23:39

Icandoit I'm sorry you are feeling like that as others have said when the kids are busy time flies by and they miss a few things that they didn't ought to but they don't mean anything by it. I hope you husband does well today and he is back home with you soon. best wishes. flowers

luluaugust Fri 11-Aug-23 09:25:21

I would probably send a text saying something like - just to let you know we have arrived at the hospital, dad is very nervous could you send him a quick text. Yes, everybody seems to lead a frantic life these days and school holidays are a nightmare and far too long.

NotSpaghetti Fri 11-Aug-23 09:26:25

Can you simply text her now to say "please can you send dad a cheery message - his operation is today and he's a bit anxious."
That's what I'd do.
I hope all goes well and you (both) soon feel better.

crazyH Fri 11-Aug-23 09:33:32

Young mums are busy mums. She also probably didn’t want to stress you out while you are getting yourselves ready for the hospital . She will contact you later to see how her Dad is. Good luck for today flowers

pascal30 Fri 11-Aug-23 10:06:41

Having expectations is never helpful.. she will most likely be thinking of her dad and you...

Germanshepherdsmum Fri 11-Aug-23 10:23:12

I think you are expecting too much of your daughter. She’s clearly extremely busy.

Theexwife Fri 11-Aug-23 11:19:18

She has obviously forgotten, understandably it is an important day for you and your husband but it would not be so important to your busy daughter. You should have phoned or texted with a reminder if you wanted her to say something.

My neighbour is often miffed with me because I haven't remembered her numerous doctor's appointments or weekends she has booked away. Most people are not really that interested in other peoples lives.

Icandoit Fri 11-Aug-23 12:44:18

DH home now and is sleeping peacefully. You're right I think I panicked this morning, it's not a daily occurrence so was a little bit anxious about it all. He's home now so that's the main thing, results in a few weeks. I shall let DD know early evening when she is finished with work and kids. Thanks to all, your advice was welcomed.

BlueBelle Fri 11-Aug-23 12:59:03

Glad it all went well Icandoit onwards and upwards

Norah Fri 11-Aug-23 13:57:04


DH home now and is sleeping peacefully. You're right I think I panicked this morning, it's not a daily occurrence so was a little bit anxious about it all. He's home now so that's the main thing, results in a few weeks. I shall let DD know early evening when she is finished with work and kids. Thanks to all, your advice was welcomed.


You've good news for your daughter - simple email: "Your father did well, is home resting" should be enough to 'let her know', no drama.

Hithere Fri 11-Aug-23 14:20:39

Glad to hear the update

Blossoming Fri 11-Aug-23 14:53:17

Glad to hear he’s home and you’re feeling better x

Theexwife Fri 11-Aug-23 15:18:20

Pleased it went well, you can relax now.