I find it difficult to cope with people who talk too much

We went on the Northern Belle train trip recently. We shared a table with two women (guessing late 50s - early 60s) from the minute they got on they talked non stop. First one of them was reading out all her text messages to her friend (phones had to be switched off). They then went through kids, marriage, death, funerals, jobs, clothes, ailments, hospital appointments, gyms, keeping fit etc for 5 hours!! I don’t think they even looked out of the window once.

As soon as we got off my husband said “OMG couldn’t they yap!! They could beat you and X (my best friend) any day.”

Ww - you put me to shame. All day I’ve been trying to avoid my neighbour M, by closing the curtains. She is 84, quite agile, but visits daily, constantly talks about the men who she meets in the pub. She has no family as such - well, she has, but until her husband passed away, the two of them lived in a world of their own, not keeping touch with nieces etc. So now, she has no regular visitors. She tells me she wants a man. That really grates…..she is otherwise harmless. But I feel I can’t bear to hear any of her man talk. Perhaps I’m jealous 😂

Grammaretto, I don't quite know why you singled me out, this is about people who talk too much on usually the same subject , which you have heard many times, they could always ask how you are sometimes.😬

We have an isolated neighbour here. She's outlived her friends and family and walks her two little dogs several times every day. She's not a poor little soul, though, far from it, she's just adapted to live a different life. She'll chat away about the dogs, weather, gardens - and that's fine. She asks about our families and remembers what we said, too.

I find groups a bit difficult, unless it's a group working on something purposeful together (like volunteering or the allotments). I can only manage mundane chit chat and listening with interest. I don't expect much more.

Any serious (deep, meaningful) chats I can do one-to-one. As I think 'differently' (autism) I often have opinions that clash with others. I need time to explain them and the logic behind them.

I like to discuss things, usually in an effort to understand other people - often a mystery to me. I'll never just agree with them to keep the peace or be sociable, though, - not these days. I say what I think - not always appreciated.

I did have a nasty experience when at lunch with a group of ex colleagues. A woman I'd never really got on with had the misfortune of sitting next to me. She promptly turned sideways on her chair (back towards me) to chat with my friend on her other side.

Being on the end, I was totally blocked from any contact to my right - so chatted to people opposite. Meanwhile, my anger at her awful manners was rising.

Eventually, I tapped her on the back and asked (rather loudly) if I'd offended her in some way. No, I hadn't. Well, in that case, would she mind sitting properly on her chair so that I could talk to everyone as well?

Hetty that's happened to me, someone blocking me from interacting with the group, however I never said anything. I am often with that lady and avoid sitting next to her. You did what I should have.

Recently , I've had an overdose of people phoning me up and telling me about their problems for over an hour at a time .

When I begin to speak - they have to go because they are so busy !

I had it yesterday from my son's father in law .
I'd sent him a text about a meet up , but he was too lazy to read it and laughed .

About to go into the garden before the rain - I was exasperated .

I think as we get older in many cases our world gets smaller. I am not a shrinking violet and I probably repeat myself like most people, but contacts who dominate the conversation and brag do get to me.

These are often people who talk very loudly as though they want the whole room to hear.

Sorry Allsorts it was just a question. I thought you find the subject matter boring and wondered if you could steer the rampant talker on to something different or interesting for a change.
I don't expect people to ask after me apart from the cursory how are you?

As someone who has ADHD and has a hard time regulating how much I talk, we're sorry. I often think back to conversations after and feel much anxious embarrassment and worry that I may have dominated the conversation. I always promise myself I'll stay quieter next time and always fail. It's a compulsion/impulse that can be difficult to control, even for those who try.

I know loads of people like this. I just let them talk, it doesn’t bother me at all. I’m not one for talking about myself anyway. I’m interested in people so I just let them chat away.

Mama2020

As someone who has ADHD and has a hard time regulating how much I talk, we're sorry. I often think back to conversations after and feel much anxious embarrassment and worry that I may have dominated the conversation. I always promise myself I'll stay quieter next time and always fail. It's a compulsion/impulse that can be difficult to control, even for those who try.

Nothing to be sorry about! Chat away! Some people are just insensitive to other people’s needs!

If someone wants to talk to me I will listen I think why not unless I am pushed for time.
I was having a very difficult time years ago and I spoke to friends and people I didn't know. They were willing to listen and showed me compassion. I think it saved my sanity tbh.

Mama2020 Me too, I wrote about the problems of ADHD and talking up thread. nice to have someone else with the same problem corroborate that ADHD and non-stop talking go together.

Your description sounds so familiar. i want to stop but can't.

Oh dear, I am that person, who talks too much! I am sure many realise that from my long posts.

My children have a colour code. When they say Red meeting, it means I should get straight to the point and cut out the wittering! .

Guilty as charged my brother says I have verbal diarrhoea. But I live on my own as I was widowed when I was 45 my children left home 2 years after he died. I could go days without talking to anyone. So when out talked to anyone and everyone. Still do. Yes I do repeat myself simple reason because I have HPX and it effects my memory. I can say something and few minutes later say the same thing but I don't remember saying it.

But I have found a lot of people I talk what someone to talk to as well. A lot has happened in my 65 years and some of my experiences have helped others.

Well remember when lockdown was lifted went to my GP's could only go in one at a time and I got talking to an old man. Both he and his wife had Covid she was younger but died . He couldn't understand he was worse but she died so I told him about my husband. He then went in to the surgery ,then I went in when I came out he was waiting for me. So we talked more I missed several buses but I couldn't walk away from him . He thanked me and said he felt better talking to someone who understood.

So please don't judge people who want talk a lot . I am not lonely living on my own but I am lonely for my husband. He is the love of my life and will be until the day I die .

Also I write a lot on GN I call them my rambles so have diarrhoea of my typing finger. 🤣

Whiff you contribute on here and often give advice and support keep it up it helps so many people.

I think loneliness and not meeting enough people to talk to is a contributing factor. Not always, of course. There is a happy medium and in some ways I prefer the verbal diarrhoea types to the silent ones who are monosyllabic. The silent ones can be hard work and in some ways the ones who yack on and on might be trying to fill a void! All sorts of different scenarios. The ones who talk about themselves non stop for none of the above reasons - well they are annoying but I usually feel kind of sorry for them.

Redhead thank you for your kind words. The Brain Charity have asked me if I would give a talk as the 2 people I deal with say I have a positive outlook on my disability. I laughed and said who would want to hear me . But after mentioning it to others on GN am thinking about it . Talking to people doesn't phase me but what if no one came😱. Will talk to them about it and see when they would want me to do it. Seems my verbal diarrhoea may come in handy😂

nanna8

I think loneliness and not meeting enough people to talk to is a contributing factor. Not always, of course. There is a happy medium and in some ways I prefer the verbal diarrhoea types to the silent ones who are monosyllabic. The silent ones can be hard work and in some ways the ones who yack on and on might be trying to fill a void! All sorts of different scenarios. The ones who talk about themselves non stop for none of the above reasons - well they are annoying but I usually feel kind of sorry for them.

I think you have got it nanna8 .
Now on my own I often wonder if I talk too much in company (clue, if you wonder the answer is probably “yes” ) but you know what? It takes all sorts- so live and let live!

One thing Ive noticed is that in a mixed group men often get away with droning on with impugnity. However if a woman insists upon having her say she is pushy!

This happened to me once as a postgrad. We had a male who droned on and on to lots of eye rolling in the group. At least twice he intervened when another woman was talking. I would cut in and say something like "Excuse me but Louise is speaking and Id like to hear what she has to say."

At the end of the session the facilitator accused me of being bossy. I was so angry that I pointed out that one (male) member of the group had more or less monopolised the conversation to the point of drowning out quieter members. Another woman put up her hand and backed me up. I told the facilitator that if he did not apologize and withdraw the comment I would bring up a formal complaint of discrimination against him. The facilitater quickly apologised, not doubt thinking what a bitch I was. Discrimination claims in a uni can lose you the job!

Some people have interesting things to say but others are just serial yackers.

biglouis

One thing Ive noticed is that in a mixed group men often get away with droning on with impugnity. However if a woman insists upon having her say she is pushy!

This happened to me once as a postgrad. We had a male who droned on and on to lots of eye rolling in the group. At least twice he intervened when another woman was talking. I would cut in and say something like "Excuse me but Louise is speaking and Id like to hear what she has to say."

At the end of the session the facilitator accused me of being bossy. I was so angry that I pointed out that one (male) member of the group had more or less monopolised the conversation to the point of drowning out quieter members. Another woman put up her hand and backed me up. I told the facilitator that if he did not apologize and withdraw the comment I would bring up a formal complaint of discrimination against him. The facilitater quickly apologised, not doubt thinking what a bitch I was. Discrimination claims in a uni can lose you the job!

Biglouis you seem to be permanently offended. Take a day off. You will feel a lot better for it. 😀

I talk a lot through nervousness so you'd better avoid my company. I am not very good with silence as it feels very awkward to me. I have been known to apologise for this fault but find it very difficult to stop.

Whitewavemark2

I’m coming at it from a different angle.

I (now that he is very old) walk the dog in the local park every morning, and as a result have got to know lots of people.

One particular lady walks her dogs there at least twice a day, and I have learned that she is entirely alone in the world. She sees no one except her sister in law on Boxing Day every year for lunch. That is it.

She is poor soul the most boring person, repeating the same thing day after day after day, but I can’t possibly try to avoid her knowing what I do about her life. She is also quite poor.

So in a very weird way I welcome her chat, although I do find it a bit mind blowing, the people she sees in the park are all she has, and folk are aware if it snd always make a point to walk with her or stand and pass the time of day, even though they have heard it word for word a thousand times.

That's a kind thing to do. Poor lady

Biglouis you seem to be permanently offended.

I think it's more that biglouis doesn't put up with any nonsense from anyone, and in this instance was only saying what the facilitator should have said anyway.