Disco at a function spoiling the evening- AIBU?

Wise advice , will opt out of any future evening do' s !! As for pulling the plug yggdrasil - had' nt crossed my mind unfortunately !!!!

Not unreasonable at all. I was at a wedding recently and the music was far too loud. It wasn't even a huge room ,so really didn't need to be as loud as it was. I ended up leaving early because I just couldn't stand it anymore.

Shelflife

Sent to a wedding recently, the evening dico was unbelievably loud!!!
Even the bride and groom were unhappy about it , DJ was asked repeatedly to turn the noise down - it was a request that he ignored all evening!!! We had to retire to our room to escape the noise - and we were not the only ones. The evening was ruined, no chance of chatting to friends/ relatives we had seen for a long time. By the time we retired to our room I was exhausted by struggling to hold a conversation - absolute nightmare!!!! Will think twice about putting ourselves in that situation again.

Shelflife I absolutely understand how it made you feel, it can be exhausting and distressing to shout over loud music for a whole evening. It’s also bad for your health, raising blood pressure, causing tinnitus etc. Discos for o.dear people should come with a health warning! 😡

Absolutely normal, all the parties I go to are the same with everyone who can leaving the room to chat, 2 this month everyone was in the garden, disco was playing to himself

A silent disco can be the answer to this type of problem. We went to a wedding that had one and it was a huge success. Everyone that wanted to dance had headphones and there was a choice of three different streams of music so not only could you choose the type of music you wanted to dance to, you could also control the volume you wanted it at.
Those that wanted to sit and chat could do so with no problem. The headphones also had coloured lights on them. It was quite amusing watching people dancing in apparent silence. Also you could also grab some headphones if you were just sitting and wanted a bit of background music to listen to.

The key question is was the party girl up and dancing, if she was and she enjoyed it, that’s what matters?
If she didn’t dance, then the people who organised the party had misjudged what she would like.

henetha

Seems inappropriate for a 70 year old. Just a bit of gentle background music is fine, but a noisy disco is not.

Blimey - that's a bit of a joyless statement! Why NOT a disco? Lots of people our age still like to dance the night away!

Paperbackwriter

henetha

Seems inappropriate for a 70 year old. Just a bit of gentle background music is fine, but a noisy disco is not.

Blimey - that's a bit of a joyless statement! Why NOT a disco? Lots of people our age still like to dance the night away!

Indeed, many of my older friends do! And not all young people enjoy a disco - I never have.
Am also interested in how many 'dos' a lot of you go to!

Margomar we have endured events like this, and even in some restaurants the 'background' music has been too loud, with the result that everyone is shouting, and it becomes unbearable. How sad that the arrogant DJ spoiled your chance to catch up with friends and family

Sadly I find that most music is played way too loudly these days. It leaves my ears ringing. I keep asking myself "Is it really necessary?"

We were at a similar “do” recently (a 65th birthday as it happens). We were sat well away from the speakers but still the app on my phone was registering over 105 decibels for some significant periods. That’s well into the area of “potential damage to hearing”. We left early.

Hithere

I don't think dj was arrogant, he/she was following instructions from the host/hostess

You were just a guest and this party style was not your cup of tea - understandable

I agree Hithere. It’s not the DJ who is being arrogant. He’s doing his job as paid for by the host. Guests who accept the invitation should support the host in making the party a success. To do otherwise is very inconsiderate.
Witzend, I feel very sorry for the bride and groom you let down by leaving. No doubt, they were too polite to let you know how disappointed and rejected they felt at being let down. Six people and an empty table can make a difference to the party atmosphere.
But please don’t feel picked on. There are a number of others on here that have let down the hosts by not joining in and moaning about the type of event (disco) even though this was no doubt on the invitation .
Consider the hosts feelings as they have thought enough of you to include you on the guest list and have gone to a lot of expense, time and energy in organising a party, often for another loved one, in the hope that everyone has a good time. If you know you won’t enjoy it, either turn down the invite or accept, join in and enjoy - even if you have to pretend to.

They did not go to a disco. They went to a “social sports club”… in other words (in the US, known as) a sports bar.

Anytime you go to a club/bar associated with SPORTS it’s going to be loud, and when they have a DJ, very loud - so that you can feel the beat coming up through the floor into your knees.

Trying to negotiate with a DJ is almost useless. You have to deal with management instead (that hired the DJ) because it’s a sports club and that is their business model.

You are not being unreasonable. Maybe the daughter didn’t think this all the way through in selecting a popular place over a more quiet venue when it comes to seniors. After all the “honoree” is 70!
USA Gundy

maddyone

I think many DJs are arrogant. Despite requests to turn down the volume they rarely do.

That’s my experience too!

It seems that DJs like to feel in control of everything and with a deafening racket going on, people can't interact properly. Why do they always play awful cliched music. There is so much fabulous music available but we get YMCA and other rubbish.

DJs are not arrogant - they cannot make everybody happy

If they lower the volume for you, somebody will ask DJ to increase it

It is the guest who is arrogant

Just at a wedding this weekend, grandparents in late 80s up dancing 🕺💃 until late to the loud music. It was a wonderful do! I’m quite certain none of the guests would have changed a thing. Those that wanted to chat went outside for a bit.

Pearl30, there would have been no ‘empty seats’. As I said in my pp, we had let the B and G know well in advance that 6 of us would be leaving before the dinner and dancing, so they could pass correct numbers to the caterers, and not pay a lot of money for meals that were going to be wasted.

We had stayed for the church ceremony and for the afternoon tea, all of which lasted several hours, so I can’t think the 30-something B&G were remotely disappointed - especially given the three cash gifts they also received. I don’t know about the others, but dh and I put £100 in the card.

I recently went to an 80th birthday party in our local hall, the birthday boy isn't an old fogie at all, he like myself play with many others in a Scottish accordion and fiddle group ( about 20+ people)
His family had organised a band ( mixed music) I'd been told they were loud! Understatement!!! NEVER been anywhere with such loud music, and I love a good dance too, but it was so loud it distorted the sound of the musicians and spoilt what would otherwise have been a good sound. We suffered 45 minutes and left, much to my other half's delight. My ears felt like they were bleeding!!! 😭 I was really looking forward to a good evening out. Why they believe louder is better I have absolutely no idea.

My teenage Granddaughter was looking for a local gym to join, 9 gyms later she has given up as they all have deafening music.

We have a family wedding coming up next Spring. One of the main deciding factors between the two favourite venues was that the one we're going to has a separate room for the disco!
So people who want to stay in the room the reception tables are, and chat, can do so 😊

Hithere

DJs are not arrogant - they cannot make everybody happy

If they lower the volume for you, somebody will ask DJ to increase it

It is the guest who is arrogant

No, the DJs are very arrogant in my very long years of experience. As a result, we always ensure that there is a quiet space for people to chat.

Totally agree. Been subjected to loud Disco music at weddings and parties. Impossible have a conversation as you can't hear over the noise!!!

I had a similar experience at an Italian restaurant - when catching up with work colleagues. It was just impossible to hear the conversation and I didn't want to shout. As soon as the meal was finished, we paid and left - ending up sitting outside to have a chat - quite ridiculous.

This is nothing new. At D's wedding 30 years ago ,the DJ- organised by the venue. was playing music so loudly, head phones on, head down so he didn't see anything and didn't realise we had all left and gone into the bar so we could chat. Who's party was it?