madeleine45
I would suggest a couple of things. Tell your husband that you need him to stay by you until YOU are ready to be on your own. If you can trust him to stay with you in the beginning, you may feel a bit more relaxed and then be able to mix with other people. Then , do you know one or two other people who are going to be there? Perhaps you could arrange to meet just away from the venue up the road somewhere and then travel together the last bit so that you are going in as a small group of 4 or 5 which would give you that little group to begin with. Alternatively you might feel better if you and your husband decide to arrange another appointment or place to be later, so that you might tell a white lie and say you were booked up for this other thing before you knew of this party. That you have come here first but will not be able to stay until the end. Dont state a time, so that if you actually find you are enjoying it you can stay a bit longer and if it is overwhelming you can leave as early as you need to. The important thing is "locus of control" so that you feel that you are deciding what and where you are doing, not being forced into a situation where you feel forced into doing all the things you do not want to do.. I think that your husbands attitude is making things worse as you do not feel he is going to be supportive and put your needs before his own desires. If you live close by to the venue, you could also think of going together and then when you need to go home , you could decide that you have a migraine and need to go home and lie down and be quiet. You are sorry you cannot stay any longer, and you could get your husband to take you home and he could go back if you agreed to that. Once this is over I think you need to have a talk with your husband , perhaps getting a relative or close friend to be part of the conversation , so that he then understands how you feel and how his attitude is making things worse. Personally I think he is being selfish, or has no empathy, and is incapable of understanding other peoples feelings, or respond to them. If it was me, I would later find a situation where I felt very comfortable and he didnt and organise it so that he had to stay there and cope with it. Then when you got home you could ask him how he liked the occasion and when he started to moan about how boring or edgy he felt then you tell him that is exactly how you feel in the party situation . If you can get him to be able to relate the two things you might make some progress. If not , I would be arranging to go with friends that I felt comfortable with to things that I enjoyed and politely decline going with him to the type of thing that did not appeal to me. Loving someone should mean that you care for their needs and feelings not forcing them into doing what you like and forcing it. Give and take and if that does not work then agreeing that you have very different ideas of what you enjoy and start making friends with others who enjoy the things you like. Share the things that you can both enjoy and have your own pleasures to enjoy.You should be equal partners and work out a way to live which suits you both. Not be pushed into just suiting one person. If his attitude was constantly expecting you to fit in with him and just do what he likes, I would not only think of going out with other friends , but if it continued I would be quite likely to choose to leave him and find a happier life on my own.!! As far as we know we only have one life, so why should you waste your life spending it in situations that constantly make you feel unhappy I do not say you should not go to some occasions and it would be good to try and find a halfway place. So for example if your husband wants you to go for a meal and a dance in the evening , with a few people, and you know that the music will be loud etc. you could suggest that you would be happy to meet these people in a cafe or restaurant for lunch. So you are meeting and mixing but in a quieter environment. That way you are clearly showing your intention to meet and mix but choosing how and where , so that you can keep control. Hope one or two of these ideas are helpful. Wish you good luck with it all
That was a waste of time. If you read the post you would see that the event was on Saturday night and the OP went and enjoyed herself.
