Dancing partners

Yesi too am not clear why OP and her husband would still need 'practice' after EIGHT YEARS- even competitive dancers are surely quite good after going eight years?Tbh, i would have thought if you cant dance well enough by then id give up trying- and clearly the teacher thinks your husband good enough to be teaching/helping someone else to dance.So i fail to see why you wished to go to a beginners class? Unless you both wanted to teach others?What you both need is not a class but a normal dance group whereby you dont pay for lessons, but a normal hobby group (or competition group if you compete ?)Or you can either volunteer to teach in your own capacity or explain to teacher that your hubby thought he'd be helping other new different dancers each week- and if thats not the case then why dont you just BOTH drop that class and just revert back to your original class? If he wont then it seems like your problem is with him, not the teacher.However theres also the thought that why is teacher trying to get him to dance with others in first place if she knows you are each others permanent partners?Or if its as a tutor/demonstrator then he should indeed be getting paid as such, not her getting extra instructors for free?(i presume teacher is a woman?) Whatever, i think you do need a frank discussion with your husband as to why he would drop you for others in first place- and for one other dancer in particular each class? Does he feel hes a much better dancer than you? In which case just get him to help you get extra practice at home for free.Then go to your old goup, or form your own dance group or go to a local 'intermediate' group🤔

*sorry just noticed you called teacher a 'he'.

I have always been a keen dancer. Started of Single and danced with other women's husbands plenty of times as well as learning how to dance as man.
Years later, my husband has learned to dance and we are dancing at various clubs.
I do sit out every 3rd dance or thereabouts and encourage my husband to dance with the single ladies as I know how awful you feel going to a dance and sitting waiting and maybe never get a chance to dance.
If I can't go dancing my husband does go on his own as there are always a number of single ladies.
I have never once worried about my husband getting too close to anyone. As a single lady dancer, let me tell you - I have never been interested in any of the kind men that stepped in to dance with me to help out. Never!
Sorry, you are married I assume for quite a while - trust your husband in the fact that he really just has a desire to help out, he is not interested in using this to look for an affair.
If you are worried about him becoming too close to someone he helps out once a week, I am sorry to say, but you seem to have other issues in your marriage.

If you can't trust him you can't be very secure in your marriage. Go along and help doing other things or dance the male part if you must as Bella 23 suggested. Surely you don't do everything together?

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, strange that your DH thinks this is OK. I should be inclined to tell DH that you're going to look for another male partner to dance with ever week and see what he thinks about that.

Sorry there’s more to this. I certainly would not be allowing this to happen. Tell your husband he’s your dance partner and tell the teacher your husbands not for hire. Stand your ground.

I know this sounds dreadfully superficial, but is this woman your husband is going to be dancing with, attractive?
I would veto it anyway - no messing. Defend your territory - and yes. for all you liberal-minded people out there, there is a level where relationships such as marriage are 'territory.' I believe in freedom within relationships and if my husband wants to go off and spend a week on his boat, he's a free spirit and can do so with my blessing. But dancing regularly with another woman - come on!

I think it’s unreasonable to suggest the poster is jealous or has a untrusting marriage she hasn’t mentioned not trusting her husband or not accepting him dancing with other women but she arranged it as a night out for ‘them both’ not to be the spare part standing watching
I would suggest doing something quite different together or at least at a different place it’s unacceptable to arrange a night out dancing with your husband/partner and be totally side lined the dance teacher and the husband sounds very thoughtless

Surely it's a case of the teacher snapping up the offer from a male to help out at the class. I attended dancing classes for years and I was not given the same partner evety week, teacher thinking it was good to rotate for different approaches to moves. You have been going for 8 years and unless you are going to complete why do you need more practice? Why not volunteer too.

Sorry to say but sounds like sneaky behaviour to me.

I would be very hurt if my hubby did this to me. I really don't know how you can accept him doing this to you. I am sorry.

No, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

I do think your husband should have discussed his intentions with you beforehand. It was extremely disrespectful and uncaring of him not to do so. Even if he didn’t consider he could predict how you might feel, he's presumably old enough to realise that men and women can perceive such situations differently and that there was scope for your feelings to be hurt.

BlueBelle

I think it’s unreasonable to suggest the poster is jealous or has a untrusting marriage she hasn’t mentioned not trusting her husband or not accepting him dancing with other women but she arranged it as a night out for ‘them both’ not to be the spare part standing watching
I would suggest doing something quite different together or at least at a different place it’s unacceptable to arrange a night out dancing with your husband/partner and be totally side lined the dance teacher and the husband sounds very thoughtless

I think it’s unreasonable to suggest the poster is jealous or has a untrusting marriage she hasn’t mentioned not trusting her husband or not accepting him dancing with other women but she arranged it as a night out for ‘them both’ not to be the spare part standing watching

I think you've said it concisely.

The suggestion from some posters about the state of her relationship with her husband is a tad crass IMO.

There is nothing defective in feeling a little put-out if your OH is, out of the blue and without your agreement, suddenly partnered up with another woman for the duration of the classes in this way. If the OP had been given a partner similarly - that might have put a different perspective on it, but she's effectively been made 'redundant' in the school, though I'm sure her husband didn't think about that when he dashed off to offer his services.

The teacher could have suggested they dance together as an example whilst at the same time asking if he would mind dancing with different women here and there. Both the husband and the teacher have been rather thoughtless.

Your instructor is being totally unreasonable but more to the point he is proposing a radical change to your relationship with your husband and that is downright interference. Hubby and I started dancing 20 years ago and he won’t even do a progressive dance because he accepts that you have a special and intuitive relationship with a dance partner. There is no way I would be approving of such an arrangement and I would immediately give the instructor a piece of my mind and find a new dance class for yourself and your husband. The instructor has probably sold his beginners classes to single ladies on the basis of being able to provide them with a male partner so actually he’s profiting financially from your emotional distress. He needs to be called out on this.

Is the teacher a man or woman? If a woman, maybe he’s more interested in Her than dancing with other women?
Just a thought from a cynical divorcee!

It sounds to me like your husband rather naively thought he was offering his services to help without thinking it through properly.

Clearly the dance teachers, your husbands and your expectations of this arrangement are all very different.

He might even be in a bit of a bind now and doesn't quite know how to get out of it.

You just have to talk it through with him, explain how you feel and see what he does.

I think worrying about bodies touching etc. is a bit extreme....unless you know something about your husband that we don't .............................

YANBU I wouldn’t be happy about it either, but then I’m highly suspicious and chronically insecure!

Tge teacher is at fault, but your husband should say something, why are you still learning after eight years. I would not be happy as it’s your night out and interest. Find another venue,

suelld the teacher is a man.

I think you should have spoken up when the teacher messaged you and asked if your husband still wanted to help him with the lesson.

"Sunday I get a text from our dance teacher asking if my husband was still willing to help out. He replied yes."

It's a bit late now but you did not think to ask what exactly was suggested? To me the question does not involve you at all - except as the go-between.
I think, if I'd been you I'd have wanted to discuss what was expected- especially given the request was clearly only to your husband.

NO NO NO. It’s not about trusting or not trusting. You cannot buck human nature. Sad but true. Dancing, as ever, is ultimately “vertical expression of horizontal desire” . Or leads to that. It’s inevitably intimate. Touching, breathing, warmth. And all the nobility and spirit of honourable good intentions go out of the window. Be warned. “ taking up a hobby “ on a rebound is absolute nonsense. That’s the way of the the world - unfortunate but true.

Those of you that think you are secure in your marriage are exactly the ones that get devastated when your husbands head is turned. Unless you are independant and don’t care, you are only secure until the day you’re not

I certainly would not tell my husband he couldn't do something JuicyLucy in the same way I would not expect him to dictate to me what I could and couldn’t do.
I would have thought that married couples could discuss any concerns they had.
Kate59 I'm glad I don't feel as you apparently do within your marriage. What happened to trust in a relationship.

Those who dance will know that there is always a shortage of male partners at classes and it is common to have men to help at class, though they usually rotate between learners.

I am surprised that OP thought a beginners class was a good place to practice. It isn't. Perhaps if she feels confident, she could attend too and help as a man.

Men are clueless. They often are thoughtless, and when they finally realize “Uh Ohh… how do I get out of this?” it may be too late. Of course, some are just plain conniving. Of course, some are wonderful, trusting princes.

Goldieoldie15 you are correct! These instances are invitations to get caught up in the moment. Men especially allow their egos to get stroked. That said - women too allow their egos to be massaged.

We have Fred Astaire dance studios here. I’ve never entered one, but it makes me wonder “what is the potential for… 🙄?”

Both parties/spouses have to be very secure emotionally to know where the red line is.
Good luck
USA Gundy

I wouldn't worry
My bil was a ballroom dancer in his 20s and 30s. His dance partner was just a friend. They entered several competitions. They both had and still have different life partners.