Are table manners important anymore?

I can't stand people who smell their food before eating it. I have seen this done on some of the cooking shows on TV and I have seen people do it in restaurants. A lot of common courtesy seems to have disappeared these days in my personal opinion. Please and thank you, waiting your turn, and the worst one of all cellphone usage. Taking pictures wherever, talking on cellphones loudly anywhere. Had one ring at a funeral and the person actually answered it during the service

"Are table manners important"?

Yes, in as much as they affect others at the table with you.

Drinking one's tea out of bone china with the pinkie extended, not so much!

The poster who related her experience in the restaurant where a family allowed their children to run riot - and presumably spoil everyone else's meal - makes me so angry because I've had to put up with the same thing, while I sat with my four year old son - who I'd kept out of restaurants until he was able to behave like a civilised child. The owner of the establishment deserves to lose trade if he allows children to behave like savages.

I think the "elbows on table" issue is fine if everyone has finished eating and is sitting making conversation over coffee, more wine, etc, late into the evening. Which is entirely different to leaning elbows on the table the better to shovel in the food with the other hand.

Why on earth would table manners not be important? Meals are community 'spaces' to be treated with respect. So you don't do anything that gives the wrong 'vibe' or may be offensive. An elbow may not matter, lolling over your plate does as it signals you are not involved and not bothered (especially about your digestion). At the table there should be courtesy 'Pass the ketchup please' and an awareness of other people having what they need. Definitely no phones, no eating with mouth open or any other anti-social behaviour. I gently remind my grandchildren of their manners if necessary - after all I am the grandparent! - and their parents agree (but do not always reinforce) There does not have to be a big 'thing' made of it, just a nudge, and approval when someone does something right.

@whiff
I agree that manners and courtesy are important. And sadly lacking these days. However, I think it’s more important to treat others how THEY would like to be treated.

We have had several examples through the thread of differing ways of eating according to country or culture or type of food, so I do think some of the particularities of British table manners might be a little out- dated in a multi-cultural society.

Personally I use just a fork to eat quite a few meals especially rice-based ones, though it would not be my habit to hold the bowl close to my face and shovel food in, as I have seen the staff in Chinese restaurants do. In some Asian cultures food is eaten without cutlery. In France children are taught to put their hands on the table as fists, when not actually eating.

But I think it is important that children are brought up to behave in public and in other people’s homes or at a formal dinner. If they are not taught at home, they will embarrass themselves later.( Mind you, we have seen appalling behaviour from public school students yet they must know what is expected at their formal dinners).

So my minimum would be, wait until everyone is served unless told otherwise, don’t eat with your mouth open, don’t talk with your mouthful, and try to conform with the cultural norms of the people you are eating with( as far as is reasonable). Be neat and tidy with cutlery. Don’t cough all over everyone, don’t complain, be polite. No mobile phones. Make conversation, include the children. Stay seated until everyone leaves the table or ask to be excused.

I can't stand children being allowed to run about in eating places. Just total lack of consideration from the adults responsible for them. Suppose it highlights what goes on at home. On table manners I've come to accept some people have no idea how to use a knife and fork, I don't like it but feel it's a losing battle. What I cannot stand is both elbows on the table, arms upright, head down and shuffling food in with a fork. Think this has come about with looking at mobile phone parked on the table. I asked to be moved to another table once when all I could see was a teenager eating like this. I felt like emptying his plate onto the floor.

I think all manners are important, I believe in “Manners maketh the man”. I am strict with DGC table manners as are their parents. This goes for thank you notes.

Manners are still important to me - maybe an age thing! I was brought up quite strictly with regard to table manners in particular, and am horrified at the way people are depicted eating on t.v. - whether fact or fiction. When I eat out I find it unpleasant observing some of the awful (modern)? table/ eating habits.

I think all manners are important, I am a great believer in “ Manners maketh the man”. I am very strict about table manners with my DGC as are their parents, this also goes for thank you notes as well.

People have always committed suicide sadly. There were two in my form school in the early seventies. Very strict girls grammar, gloves and hats, no eating/shopping in uniform etc. one girl pre O level and one just after they’d finished. I think that we hear more about it now because of advances in technology, but it’s always been there.

Have you posted on the wrong thread?

Table manners are not outdated. There is nothing worse than seeing human beings behaving badly and having no consideration for others present at the table. These simple courtesies set our values in many other areas beyond table etiquette.

I think manners of all types are pretty important. For example, please/thank you/offering to help clear up/eating with your mouth closed/no phones at the dinner table/waiting til others finish before dashing away from the table. Our mealtimes though (other than above) are fairly relaxed, lots of chatting, using just a fork if wanting, only eating what you enjoy, and a chance to catch up with each other.

Spot on, Happypie. Our children were taught table manners from the word go - and also taught never to remark on anyone else's manners. They have taught their children too, and my DS did comment once he was grateful for having been shown the right way to use cutlery etc. as he had never felt awkward in any situation because he didn't know which item to use. Basically it's all about consideration for others, as watching someone with a mouth like a cement mixer, talking through food, and waving cutlery about is not the best.

Table manners vitally important. What is this propensity for holding a table knife like a pen? Seen everywhere on television - even by people who should know better. How on earth can anyone cut a steak like that? Why aren't they being taught properly before going on air? Someone told me that it appeared "posh/refined"!!!! I despair. It is offensive.

I think all manners matter including table manners, they're a courtesy to other people. AS others said I also dislike the way some people hold their fork in the fist of their right hand, always looks like they're shovelling in their food.

Good table manners were part of my upbringing - "please pass the . . . . ", no talking with food in your mouth, no waving your cutlery about, no eating off your knife, no shovelling food with your fork, etc
I find it repulsive to see partially chewed food when someone is speaking, waving a knife around to make a point, stretching across the table instead of asking someone to pass whatever . . . . but I am 73 years old

I think manners are important and a life-long asset. It is simply being civilised and considerate. Manners are taught to a child by example. Sadly today many people don't eat together as a family which is where children learn social skills naturally.The same as playing card and board games together develops social and language skills. A child given a phone or Ipad to play with in a restaurant makes me so sad.

I fail to see why holding a knife like a pen is offensive. Irritating, maybe inappropriate, but it is not vulgar or rude.

On trains in Europe, in days past, I have seen many people eat
( from a knife ) a piece of cheese or bread or fruit they have just cut. I was taken aback, but it was just part of the culture for travellers at that time.

At table, is it still the right thing to use a knife and fork in the traditional way to eat a risotto or stir fry?
Is it always wrong to eat in the street, even sitting on the prom at the seaside with some chips?

I am all for good manners, at table and everywhere, but am inclined to be less judgemental these days - apart from kids messing about and running round in pubs and restaurants. That is dangerous.

What I can’t abide is ....... knives in the left hand for a right handed person,

I'm curious GM, this to me seems inoffensive probably because I am guilty of it!
My mother was left handed and I copied her as we ate when I was a child. It has stuck with me to this day when I am eating.

Table manners are not a set of rules set by teachers and parents 50 years ago. Table manners are simply eating in a clean courteous way that does not cause offence or disgust to other people.

How you hold your knife, what item of cutlery you use for any particular food, how you use it, what you do with your table napkin, etc etc have little or nothing to do with it. Do not eat open mouthed so people can see part masticated food, do not spit half chewn food onto your plate, do not put your hands in your food, even less in communal bowls. make sure your children behave themselves, or do not eat out until they can. That is what table manners are - simply thinking of other people and being courteous

A friend of mine was interviewing for an office junior a while back. There were two for interview - a young man and young woman. Both had similar qualifications. The secretary had been asked to "break the ice" with the candidates while they waited. The young woman was offhand and insisted upon going out for a smoke, thus making herself late back. The young man sat and chatted to the secretary. He got the job.

The boss said he would not hire anyone who was rude to his staff as it was a small company and everybody needed to get on.

Aren't table manners just like any manners, being considerate of others? So no eating with your mouth open, no speaking with food in your mouth. Holding your knife in an unorthodox way? If that's the way that works for the individual does it really matter? Please and thank you are essential tools of politeness. Not causing others to feel uncomfortable must surely be the prime aim of any "manners".

In general no phones or iPads at the table but for some they are an essential part of being able to eat out with family in a restaurant. My grandson has autism with its attendant sensory problems, learning difficulties and adhd. He is perfectly behaved in a restaurant and treats the waiting staff with a great deal more respect than many adults, but he copes better after a while to have his earphones on and play or watch something on a phone or iPad. Does he need to brand himself or wear a big sign to get a dispensation?

Children running around restaurants aren't just a noisy, rude distraction they are a danger to the waiting staff and other diners and do need to be controlled.

If you live in London you encounter such a diverse population of all races and ethnicities that variance in acceptable ways of eating etc becomes second nature. Most people don't intentionally cause offence to other diners.

We were told, "Always behave at table as if you were in polite company, then you can be entirely relaxed when you do find yourselves in polite company."
Our SiL has pretty horrible table manners, and this hasn't had a good effect on those of the GSS, unfortunately.

I think table manners are very important. I was taught as a child both at home and school how to eat properly and hold cutlery in the correct way. I look back at my primary school with a great deal of affection and feel very blessed to have been there. Lessons in the classroom were important, of course, and taught very well, but this carried over into school dinners. We sat in mixed age groups, eight at a table and there was always a member of staff at the table. There was no choice in what we ate and we were encouraged to try a little bit of everything. We had china plates and bowls with the Norfolk County Council crest on them and proper drinking glasses for our water. We always said grace before we ate (the ubiquitous “for what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful”) and a top junior child would serve the main part of the meal, while two third year juniors served the vegetables. They would clear the plates and then serve the pudding. The teacher would make sure we sat properly at the table and behaved ourselves. This was not the dark ages, it was the early seventies. At home, we had to sit up straight and use the cutlery properly. We were not allowed to get down from the table until we asked. I carried on this way with my own children and it stood me in good stead when my daughter was fifteen months old. We having Sunday dinner with some elderly relatives; people who l knew could be very critical. My daughter sat on a booster seat at the table with her own little plate of food and, using her spoon and fork, ate every scrap in a way that pleased everyone.