Are table manners important anymore?

Yes?
No?

Long long ago I remember learning that those cunning Romans had different ways of starting a question, depending on whether a No or a Yes was expected. Somehow this thread brought that back to me
nōnne introduced a question expecting a “yes” answer
num introduced a question expecting a “no” answer.

So is this a nonne or a num ?
As soon as I read OP I also thought “This one will run and run”

I would hate to think that OP was expecting a num. Does OP care/bother?

Having just had GC's here for a few days, yes, (nonne) table manners do matter and that includes helping to lay and clear the table, taking a portion from serving dishes and pouring water from a jug.
We practised all of these daily when our Chn were at home and now with GC and I hope it will stand them in good stead.
(when it's just us we are more relaxed!)
When my DS went to University he thanked me for insisting that he spoke 'properly' at home - we always insisted on good, clear speech - as it helped him to fit in.

lixy speechless. Can't imagine what university he attended that insisted on 'good, clear speech'.

Germanshepherdsmum

I would hate to think that OP was expecting a num. Does OP care/bother?

I’m a bit concerned OP is goading us!

I agree.

Do we care? Does it matter? It is quite an interesting discussion.

Re driving. My driving instructor asked me when pedestrians have right of way. I replied’ When they have stepped on to a pedestrian crossing’.
He said, At all times! Do you intend to knock them down and kill them!’
I have never forgotten that wisdom, whatever the law says.

Re table manners- different countries have different customs. It is important to be polite, considerate and to fit in with your hosts. I am appalled by the behaviour of some children and blame their parents. I am glad my daughter has brought her children to be polite. They still ask to leave the table. The details may vary, but they will be good company in every sense at any table.

I cannot understand why people no longer teach their children how to use their cutlery. So many young people have no idea what to do with a knife and fork, they spear food and eat it like a lollipop, or worse still, pick everything up in their hands - fine for babies, but disgusting to watch in anyone else!

I think nice manners, especially table manners, are still important andi hope they always will be, but I seriously doubt it!!! I went out to Sunday lunch recently, to a very nice “ upmarket” local restaurant attached to a lovely country pub. I was appalled by the behaviour of the very large family group on a table next to ours. There was a total of five children, ranging from a babe in arms to approx 7/8 years in age. They had crayons and colouring books on the table and toys, alongside their plates of food. The food was largely ignored as they played, screaming and shouting very excitedly as if they were in the playground, frequently leaving their seats and running around the other tables and chairs,playing tag and Heaven knows what other games, rolling on the floor, crawling under tables, really appalling behaviour whilst their parents blissfully drank their numerous bottles of wine and completely ignored them, , even when one toddle sat with his bum on the edge of the table almost in his dinner, with their feet on the chair!!! I learned afterwards that they are regular users of the restaurant, related to the owners, so I won’t be going there again!

grandMattie

I was brought up very very strictly re. table manners, but was very confused as the French table manners are often the opposite of the British ones. Elbows on the table for example.
My children were brought up no eating with their mouths open, speaking with their mouths full, etc., but not very strict.
What I can’t abide is the fork in a closed fist, knives in the left hand for a right handed person, and worst of all, keeping arms on the table and lowering the head to the “trough”. Ugh!

I agree, I can’t stand eating with mouth open and shovelling food into mouth and holding your knife like a pen is a no no for me. Call me old fashioned but frankly my fears I don’t give a damn.

Dears not fears

I think table manners reflect the upbringing of an individual, once taught remain forever. It also means you can take your children out for a meal without embarrassment.

We've brought our children up to have table manners, even the public schoolboy, and to have basic good manners. They don't talk with their mouths full nor do they chew with their mouth open. However, my daughter has always had problems using a knife as her fingers dislocate so despite many years of me trying to get her to hold her knife properly, to cut her meat not tear it, I had to admit defeat. She actually hates eating in front of anybody who isn't family because she is fully aware of other people's expectations. I don't judge these days about how people hold their knives and forks but I do about whether they are spitting food at me or showing me their tonsils as they eat!

Table Manners are important. It was drummed into us at home and in school, by the Headmistress in particular. No eating with mouth open, no talking with food in the mouth. Handling cutlery correctly, and my pet hate, not signalling that you have finished the meal by placing the cutlery pointing at 12.00 and 6.00 on the plate.

My mother was very strict about table manners and so am I with my grandchildren as are my daughter and son - in - law.
I am a great believer in “Manners Maketh the Man. This goes for thank you notes and holding doors open. Years ago I stayed in an hotel and after dinner a group of ladies gathered round talking including me, when an elderly lady joined us we all stood up as she entered, old fashioned? what is wrong with that?

Nanna8 just wondering if you are American hope you don’t mind me asking but I’ve noticed the majority of Americans just use a fork

Most definitely manners are imperative. I do teach my family good manners.
If I’m having a meal out, I'm aware of others manners. If good manners slip a little then it’s acceptable. If poor manners slip, then we’re on the slopes to living like animals. ‘Manners maketh…..’
Queuing in shops or public transport, ladies first, Grace before and after meals, men walking on the road side of the pavement, men paying for meals, not interrupting when others are speaking, saying excuse me or pardon me, the ability to use cutlery, P’s and Q’s, eating in the street, drinking in the street. Standing for the elderly, respecting others views. not gossiping. Oh the list is endless.
Thank you for reading!

My children and grandchildren were taught table manners at home. They all use knives and forks correctly and chopsticks or hands as the occasion warrants. My grandsons eat out regularly and take puzzle books with them, but these are put away when the meal arrives.

My daughter went out for a meal with new colleagues the other week and said one of them remarked on how well she used her cutlery! We thought that was a strange thing to say as my daughter is 34!

For our family it’s always been the sitting round the table and talking, whilst you’re eating.
We’ve had some of our best discussions and sorted out many problems over dinner 😊

I taught my children table manners They know what cutlery to use in more upmarket restaurants when necessary. Unfortunately, I only use a fork and as my husband died when they were young they copied me!
I only have one arm so I am afraid you don't like it don't look! But I never really realised until a friend of a son asked what his mother thought of eating with just a fork apparently he told them nothing she does too lol 😆 then I realized a bit too late for home life most of the time now

I think that there has been a great decline in table manners because families often don’t eat together any more. I once took a bunch of sixth formers away and I was appalled at their manners: eating with their fingers, grabbing food off other people’s plates and lounging along the seating - all in restaurants!

Talking of manners elsewhere, I’ve always found chopsticks very difficult with rice, so was interested to see a party of Chinese tourists (in Indonesia) holding the bowls very close to their mouths and simply passing the food in.

I’m not saying that it’s usual - my Singaporean Chinese SiL certainly doesn’t do it! - but it was interesting to see and I certainly began to understand why ‘sticky rice’ is popular!

mclaysmith

Both my husband’s parents, and mine, were very particular about table manners. “Mabel, Mabel, elbows off the table”, etc. Does anyone care anymore?
Do you bother teaching the GCs good manners when their parents aren’t there?

As children, we were all taught good manners, at the table and in general, by our parents and at school.
In turn we have taught our own children good manners and they have taught their children just the same.
There is never any need for us to teach our GC as they already know how to behave at the table. and how to behave in public. Surely, it is all part of life skills?

I was brought up in quite a strict manner, but in recent years my son’s girlfriend was Portuguese, a lovely girl. On one family occasion she suddenly asked why we all said please and thank you constantly around the meal table, ie. ‘pass the peas please, thanks’. She said in her family it would be ‘can you pass the peas?’ Stupid example, but you know what I mean.
It really made me think, we are all products of our upbringing.

Yes table manners are important. It makes eating in a group a pleasant experience.
Sitting upright and bringing food to mouth not bending low and shovelling or eating or talking with a full mouth. Washing hands and putting eating implements together at the end of the meal. Maybe thanking the chef too!
Costs nothing and makes the quality of life a lot better.