Gransnet forums

AIBU

Phone manners.

(43 Posts)
ClareAB Sat 06-Jan-24 18:19:44

Am I being unreasonable to be fed up with my husband picking his phone up in the middle of a conversation and starting to scroll/read messages/look 'something up?'
It really, really, grinds my gears.

4allweknow Sat 13-Jan-24 14:59:09

Would definitely annoy me. Next time DH was talking to me I'd start scrolling and ignoring. Give him a taste of his bad manners.

TheSilverLineVolunteer Sat 13-Jan-24 16:06:40

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Lizzie44 Sat 13-Jan-24 16:27:46

Unfortunately, phone addiction is rampant. It even invades my book group meetings. At some stage of the discussion someone will make a comment along the lines of "I think he wrote an earlier novel on this theme..." Straightaway, the phones are out searching for x's earlier novels, dates etc. Such behaviour breaks the thread of the discussion and drives me mad. I have tried suggesting that it would be better if we stuck to the discussion and left the phone searches until we get home if we want to pursue the query. But to no avail. I should add that I am a bit older than most of my book group members and it is an eye-opener to see how those a few years younger are seemingly addicted to their phones and devices.

Kathmaggie Sat 13-Jan-24 18:40:23

If someone did this to me I would probably react immediately by saying” excuse me, I’m talking to you. Do you realise how rude you are!”

pascal30 Sat 13-Jan-24 18:40:34

It make it seem like he isn't interested in what you are saying,
perhaps ask him.. or ask him to put his phone away when you want to have a proper conversation. Listening is a skill.. and what he is doing is effectively shutting you down

M0nica Sat 13-Jan-24 18:50:21

I was at a day class this week, academic subject, eminent academic tutor.

He said something and the man sitting next to me immediately checked on his phone and informed the tutor of them.

Throughout this run of classes people have done this systematically, sometimes when the tutor says he is not sure on a date, sometimes I assume they are just checking on him!

Bella23 Sat 13-Jan-24 19:26:24

With close family, phones are banned at the table or if we are sitting as a group, they know and no one does it.
We had visitors and they spent the weekend looking at their phones not looking after their children in the restaurants we went to. To top it all, they would research something discussed and tell everyone they were wrong. Also, football scores were constantly updated as if we were bothered.
My DH does the crosswords and word puzzles on his eye pad and if we are sitting watching the T.V. and he is not interested he asks if I mind if he uses it.
If either of us gets facetimed we go into the other room.

SueEH Sat 13-Jan-24 19:34:03

Unless it’s for good reason and relevant to our discussions I tell my adult children that first one to get their phone out pays the restaurant bill 😄

icanhandthemback Sat 13-Jan-24 19:50:05

Ooh, must remember that SueEH!

pamdixon Sat 13-Jan-24 20:39:44

Last Christmas I bought a 'phone jail' from Poundland (they might be available at other places) - couldn't resist it. It sat on the table for family Christmas lunch, and I told all my guests (my children and grandchildren) that their phones would be locked up in the phone jail if they tried to use them at the table and that I was the only people who had custody of the key..............

PestyOne Sat 13-Jan-24 21:44:34

Tell him how this makes you feel.

I went out for drinks with a cousin I hadn't seen for over a year and she sat in the bar typing conversations with her friends on her phone and ignored me for almost 15 minutes!
When she did take her face away from the screen, I told her that I was ready to go home and don't like sitting in silence!

She was angry at my statement and couldn't understand why I was upset at sitting in a bar, staring into space whilst she conversed with someone else who was obviously more important / interesting than I was!
We haven't seen each other since - no loss on my part!

Romola Sat 13-Jan-24 22:32:03

You are not being unreasonable. He is being disrespectful. Let him know that, and just tell him that in this respect, he is ill-mannered. Shame him!

biglouis Sun 14-Jan-24 14:08:27

Phones can be very useful when you are on your own in public. I have travelled alone and sat alone in public since my early twenties. However I was not always so comfortable doing so as I am now. There have been some interesting psychology and sociology studies of the tactics which "singles" used to adopt when sitting alone in a bar or restaurant filled with couples and groups. Many people then used to carry a newspaper or paperback because it gave them "something to do". Nowadays phones make the business so much easier for shy and introvert people to feel more comfortable in such places.

Gin Mon 15-Jan-24 17:56:08

It certainly is an addiction. The worst example that stays in my mind was at a dress rehearsal of a good amdram production when one of the lead actors pulled out her phone and answered it talking over another character speaking his part. I reprimanded her but she could not understand saying It might have been important!
They are useful sometimes though. My 14 year old grandson happily sends me texts but is uncommunicative when we are physically together, just grunts!

Serendipity22 Mon 15-Jan-24 19:56:57

It is rude, but unfortunately it seems its the new 'normal'. I was brought up to interact with others, when you are spoken to you look at the person who is talking, it is built into me to put my phone away when I am in the presence of others, like now, im am alone in the front room so am not being drawn into a conversation.

I think this is the future interactions, or lack of.

biglouis Mon 15-Jan-24 21:34:03

I once walked out of an interview where the interviwer took three (landline) calls during our conversation. I told the interviwer that I was sorry to see that he was so overwhelmed with work, that he did not have the courtesy to suspend all calls for our conversation. Also that I would not wish for an organization which was so disorganized. Boy was he surprised.

NotTooOld Mon 15-Jan-24 23:02:24

My 14 year old grandson happily sends me texts but is uncommunicative when we are physically together, just grunts!

Same here, Gin! Also applies to his younger sister. I send them cartoons or jokes from the internet and they both reply - sometimes with more than two words. See them live and they are monosyllabic. Phones can be good!