To say eldest GD needs to grow up?

Cinderella all over again 😀

Let’s hope Prince Charming will appear and give the younger one something to be jealous of,

If, for whatever reason, your eldest GD is feeling invisible perhaps you could find ways of assuring her that she is loved and valued? Maybe taking her out for a meal at the weekend so she doesn’t have to cook would be a thoughtful gesture.

I don’t treat all my children the same because they have very different needs and personalities, but I do do try to be responsive and show each of them that they’re equally loved. I suggest that’s what your eldest granddaughter needs right now.

Still reckon this is a spoof.

It's pathetic to say it's a spoof. I only wanted some advice on how to deal with this but everyone has taken it too far and been ever so cruel. I wish I had not posted.

grannyactivist

If, for whatever reason, your eldest GD is feeling invisible perhaps you could find ways of assuring her that she is loved and valued? Maybe taking her out for a meal at the weekend so she doesn’t have to cook would be a thoughtful gesture.

I don’t treat all my children the same because they have very different needs and personalities, but I do do try to be responsive and show each of them that they’re equally loved. I suggest that’s what your eldest granddaughter needs right now.

Brilliant!

Do you really need advice on how to treat both granddaughters equally and how to be kind to the less advantaged one? You ask if you are being unreasonable to say the elder needs to grow up and go out of her way to find a partner to provide her with what the younger one has. I have no idea what you have in mind but is that what a loving grandmother would say? I don’t think so.

yorkshirequeen you are ‘in your eyes’ getting ‘cruel answers’ because what you have written is so unbelievable how any grandmother can say the things you have said about your two granddaughters is actually quite unbelievable and if you can’t see that I m amazed !!
It’s your attitude to your elder grandaughter that is cruel not the answers on here and I m sorry if you don’t understand that

Ladyleftfieldlover

Still reckon this is a spoof.

I agree.. who says 'ever so cruel'

So, your eldest GD has chronic health issues, out of choice does all the cooking, works and pays her way, in so doing subsidises her younger sister who makes no financial contribution, and in your opinion need to grow up?!

Can you not see, from your own description of your granddaughters, which of the two should grow up? And how insensitive to suggest that the answer lies in your eldest GD going out and finding a partner. I hope you haven’t actually said this to her?

No wonder she is distancing herself from the family who are using her sister’s situation to as good as tell her she’s a failure.

I do find it hard to believe this can be true.

The OP seems to have disappeared, having told some of us we're very horrid.

Has she flounced?

pascal30

Ladyleftfieldlover

Still reckon this is a spoof.

I agree.. who says 'ever so cruel'

pascal

"who says ever so cruel" did make me laugh.

Still not sure how you, as a one step removed grandparent, feel so invested in all this? Have you not thought of saying nothing? If not, why?

flappergirl

pascal30

Ladyleftfieldlover

Still reckon this is a spoof.

I agree.. who says 'ever so cruel'

pascal

"who says ever so cruel" did make me laugh.

And this:

Aibu to say she needs to grow up and if she can, really go out of her way to find a partner so she can have the same?

Which way would she have to go? Left, right, keep right on to the end of the road?

Does growing up mean finding a partner? 🤔

I think this is a wind up no one could really think
Ike this

BlueBelle

I think this is a wind up no one could really think
Ike this

Ooh, you're really horrid!

The reality is if she doesn't find a partner, she will be in the family home forever. If this is what she wants, to move out then that's what will need to happen. It's not harsh, it's a fact. At her age many of her peers are married with kids so it's not like she has someone who is in the same situation who would buy with her. Practically, Unless she meets a partner, her chances of homeownership are very slim.
Do I think she needs a partner to fit in with society and fit the norm. No. But she does if she wants to progress in life and she isn't going to be earning big money in her life so will need someone to help.

Also, I now rarely see my eldest granddaughter and I can see the tension it is bringing to the family home when I visit which is at least three times a week. She barely comes out of the room and does not socialise with us all as a family. It feels very awkward and leaves everyone feeling like they are doing something wrong.

It feels very awkward and leaves everyone feeling like they are doing something wrong

Has it ever occurred to any of you that you might be?

Well, younger GD is sorted, so perhaps the parents can leave the family home to the hardworking, older GD with chronic health issues?
That might be an idea.

Shame she can't move out,s she deserves better than you in her life.

What is her job? How much does she earn? You’ve told us what the younger one earns/brings home.

I have no idea to be honest. I only know the youngest GD pay as we have all been discussing it in relation to the move. I doubt it will be much at all. Definitely nowhere near in the region of buying a property or rent. Not me being mean which everyone has cast me as. Just a fact.

She works with special needs kids and also nannies. Both through agencies which provide flexible working.

I agree with everything you say Callistomom the eldest daughter sounds very reasonable, helps in the house and pays her way.
Having a partner is not the only way she can move out,if she is in a job with a low income and she decided to rent she can get help with this via UC. I find she can only progress if she has a partner, offensive,out of touch abd to be honest very ignorant.