Would you be a little hurt…

@welbeck

I don’t dislike my DIL at all , I love her as much as my other dils which is why it hurts me so much.
She does not care about our family, she doesn’t even bother with her own much.
I was seriously ill in hospital for three weeks last year and was close to death.
She didn’t once send me a test to ask how I was, no visits, no mention of how I was doing. My son was very upset about it.
I have be over backwards to be a good MIL, we have wonderful relationships with our other DILs and sil.
I am not accepting responsibility here.

Ok but what do you want to change and how can that happen

MoaningTurtle

@Norah.
That is so far from the truth, we see very little of them lol.

Apologies,
I thought I recalled you as the poster who was needlessly upset Dil wanted to keep her medical information private.

MoaningTurtle

@easybee

His you considered I might have a DIL problem?
I have wonderful relationships with my other dils and my son in law, it’s just this particular DIL who doesn’t care about us.
Not all dils are angels and not all Mils are demons you know!

I have wonderful relationships with my other dils

🤔 On another thread you said you had to tread on eggshells around all of them and felt like a doormat.

I’m afraid one’s past posts are there for all to see. No point denying what you said.

If you can't take any responsibility it is no good giving you advice. I think it us a case you are not liking what you hearing as written by quite a few posters.

Callistemon21.

Well yes you do have to tread on eggshells around DILs these days.
I have learned how to be a Mil now and I have great relationships with my other DILs.

All of my friends with daughter in laws have had to jostle around to fit back into the right place with their sons. (Which is second!)
Some have realised straight away, others have learned the hard way

That’s right MissAdventure 👏🏻👏🏻
I only have DD’s, but all my friends with sons say the same thing.Even if they try hard and have a good relationship with dils it’s always a bit disappointing.My best friend, a lovely person, isn’t ever allowed to be at grands birthday parties.
Not saying all dils are like that but many are.

I remember my friends Christmas at her sons.
She said she was hurried in, a paper hat plonked on her head, and her dinner put in front of her.
The minute that was finished, a bit of pudding was thrust at her, before her coat was handed to her, and she was on her way home.

🥳😖

How awful. No presents?

Yes, I think she got a present, but it just wasn't the christmas she had envisaged, with her son.
That was the main thing she wanted, which she got.

So... she has learned to lower her expectations somewhat.

MissAdventure

I remember my friends Christmas at her sons.
She said she was hurried in, a paper hat plonked on her head, and her dinner put in front of her.
The minute that was finished, a bit of pudding was thrust at her, before her coat was handed to her, and she was on her way home.

😯

This sounds a bit familiar

Such a shame MissA. It must have made her feel somewhat unwanted.

Yes, it did.
She was very reliant on her son though, for no particular reason, so I think she needed to be weaned off, gently.
At one time she was very, very feisty, but she has learned when to rein it in now, and they all get on like a house on fire, and as a result, see a lot more of each other because they realise that they're all good people.

Glad it turned out ok in the end. 😊

It did, and they are a really, really nice little family now.

Thanks for all the replies, especially those who seem to understand.
It is very difficult to know how to behave sometimes with DILs and maybe Son in laws but my husband and I try very hard to be welcoming and not to tread on toes but it’s not always appreciated.

Yesterday my son and daughter-in-law popped in and mentioned they’re going on holiday abroad at half-term with my daughter-in-law’s family.

Our response? We offered to look after their dog.

Fitting in holidays with family members can be difficult for many reasons. We usually have at least one holiday with our children each year, but it’s about enjoyment and convenience. If it doesn’t work for us or them then we would simply adapt. We like each other’s company, respect each other’s boundaries - and truly value the good relationships we have.

I hope this doesn’t cause ongoing problems between you and that you find other ways of spending time with your grandchildren.

MissAdventure

I remember my friends Christmas at her sons.
She said she was hurried in, a paper hat plonked on her head, and her dinner put in front of her.
The minute that was finished, a bit of pudding was thrust at her, before her coat was handed to her, and she was on her way home.

How sad 😔. I treasure my Christmases with my parents and my children (not always all together) and VV. I can't imagine doing that to my parents - they'd be distraught.

It is hard and hurtful and I understand how you feel. However from my experience best to say nothing and accept. My daughter and I were very close til she met her husband 19 years ago. His mother is very controlling and likes her family around her all the time My SIL has always had little interest in us and makes little effort to include me and my husband in anything and plans everything with his family! I used to speak out to my daughter about why we had to always take second place and couldn’t understand why my daughter no longer wanted to spend time with her own family but I gave up as the years went by as I became the bad guy who upset everyone apparently if I raised it. There was no problem I was being sensitive. It has become the unspoken elephant in the room!! My husband and I are kept at arms length and by stepping back I thought my daughter and grandchildren would eventually miss us in their life but no we get left out even more. It was recently my granddaughters 18 birthday and we were not invited to the actual 18th gathering but told we could go the week before or week after to deliver our gifts. Apparently it was our granddaughters decision that was what she wanted. I feel dreadfully hurt that we are always on the sidelines. My younger daughter and her family are hurt by this too as she receives the same treatment. Honestly it is best to just accept what you get given and smile to keep the contact going. It doesn’t stop the hurt but keeps the peace!! I tried so hard for so long and feel so sad.

@Grannyivy.
I’m so sad to hear this, big hugs from me. Xx

Yes I would be hurt by this. Have you asked your son, MoaningTurtle, as to the reasons behind his wife's decision?

At least if you know the honest reason why, you can discuss it and come to terms with it, even if you don't holiday with them this year.