Is this rude or just me.

Bopeep14

I rung my son and asked what day it would be ok to drop the eggs off, he said today. So i assumed it was ok. I would never go to his house without letting him know.

I have no idea where my son and grandchild were ..... although his car was on the drive

🤔
I'd take it up with your son.
How old is your DGC?

Very weird. I hope the OP has had a Thank You by now from the grandchild, and an apology or explanation from the son. Or maybe there is a relevant history.

The amount of times I've been in the middle of an argument or something and said "Oh bloody hell, mother's here now! That's all I need!"

"Oh hello mum! Would you like a cup of tea"? (Through gritted teeth)

Hmmmm. Another awful DiL story?

Aveline

Hmmmm. Another awful DiL story?

I bet she ate the Easter eggs too 😯

Not just rude but mean and hurtful.
No excuse really.
But I do just wonder what reasons there might be.
Nevertheless, I'd be hurt.

Yes, it's very rude. Maybe phone your son and check that everything is ok? If you have that sort of relationship. I really wouldn't bother next year

When I say to someone can I drop something off I mean just that, I go to their door and drop it off
Me too Win

I wouldn't expect to be invited in - not if I'd said I would drop something off. I went out of my way to drop a gift off last week. My choice. I didn't want or expect to go in.

I think the OP should maybe have asked to "pop over to see you for an hour or so". I would definitely be more direct like this in future. That way you will know if it's actually convenient to visit.

When someone says they will drop something off they shouldn’t expect to be invited in. They may have thought you were en route to somewhere else and you were just doing what you said you were doing -“dropping some eggs off”. Why would you drive 30 miles to take chocolate for a child who has probably had loads already? If you wanted to be invited in you should say so. Maybe they had other arrangements that day. Phone your son up and have a chat.

To answer the question, I think it’s rude to be expected to be invited in when you’d just said you were dropping something off . Maybe you should have asked beforehand “ Can we pop in for a cuppa on Monday morning?” or “ Can we take you out for lunch?” , rather than “ Is it ok to drop off an Easter Egg?”. Expectations are then clearly laid out

BlueBelle

But it’s the sons problem MissA we don’t even know if the daughter in law knew about the visit The poster rang the son and he said yes to the visit but was missing when they arrived It was very rude but not necessarily the daughter in laws that was rude

Actually he didn’t say yes to the visit. He said she could drop something off and that is what she did. She expected that dropping off would also be a visit

sounds manipulative to me.

Same, @Grams and BlueBelle. When someone says they’re dropping something off, either I’m sending a teen to go grab it from the car or sometimes they leave it on our enclosed porch and text me later.

A visit is never expected.

Maybe, for most things/ people, but when it is a Gran with Easter eggs I still think it is rude for the son and grandchild not to come to the door to at least say hello and thank you.

I agree Cabbie especially when it's known the OP travelled 30 miles to get there.

But, Smileless was it known that the journey was made specifically to "drop the eggs off" - and even if it was, surely that was the OP's choice?

I wouldn't complain if I'd said I wanted to "drop something off".
It would be very rude if I'd arranged to visit.

The wording is critical here.
Its too easy to misunderstand.

On the face of it, this delivery of Easter eggs sounds straightforward and DS & DDiL thought you were on your way somewhere else.

Why would anyone drive 30 miles to deliver a chocolate egg?
Ofcourse it may have been a Fabergé egg.

More likely this whole expedition was the last straw in an awkward relationship with the family which has been building up.

If you want to maintain a healthy communication with them, I suggest you swallow your pride and forget all about this incident.

Im not a great one for visitors and have failed to answer the door or kept people outside when they were unexpected.

However if you have arranged to see someone then you have, in a sense, agreed to be hospitable. Its incredibly rude not to invite them in and offer them a drink. You dont have to serve them a meal of allow them to stay the entire day unless that was specifically included in the wording of the invitation.

My grandmother had the perfect recipe for getting guests to leave when she wanted them to. The clock chimed quarter hours. She would jump up and say:

"Goodness, is that the time? I must get on. Thank you for your visit, Ill see you out/get your coat."

No one ever argued or overstayed.

Nowadays on the rare occasions I visit anyone I always tell them when I arrive what time I intend to call a taxi and leave.

Grammaretto

You know it's rude. Why are you asking on here

People can post what they want on here, no need for snide remarks.

OP - yes incredibly rude of DIL and son. However, judging by some of the snippy comments on here, rudeness is totally acceptable by some.

As another poster said, leave them to it and stick to the AC and their partners who aren’t so dismissive with appalling manners.

does she not allow the children chocolate or something? as it seems really odd and rude, yes

Rudeness is not acceptable but we don’t have the full picture. I don’t think it’s rude if the OP did just say it was dropping something off, that implies a quick handover.
If she was expecting to visit why didn’t she make that clear to her son initially? She hasn’t returned so she’s already made her mind up

I'd ask my mum or mum in law if they were going to stay for at least a cup of tea.

Common sense would tell me a 60 mile round trip wouldn't be just knocking on the door and handing something over.

MissAdventure

I'd ask my mum or mum in law if they were going to stay for at least a cup of tea.

Common sense would tell me a 60 mile round trip wouldn't be just knocking on the door and handing something over.

Yes, this.

MissAdventure

I'd ask my mum or mum in law if they were going to stay for at least a cup of tea.

Common sense would tell me a 60 mile round trip wouldn't be just knocking on the door and handing something over.

And yes, this from me too.

If my mother in law had kindly popped round to drop something off for her grandchildren, whether she was expected or not, I wouldn’t have dreamt of leaving her standing on the doorstep like an unwelcome cold caller. And she lived at the other end of our street.

Round here, if you drop something off or call by with a message, you say” I’m not stopping”….but if someone stands on the doorstep with a gift, of course you invite them in, even if just for a few moments.