Is this rude or just me.

I don't think many of us have "low expectations" of our adult children or that ours "don't have manners" but as we are all busy, "dropping off" can, and occasionally does, mean exactly that.

We only know what Bopeep has said.
Yes, most people, most of the time invite people in - but most people don't say they are dropping something off if they want to visit. I think that's what some of us are saying.

Like some others on this forum I feel that better communication all round is key, then likely as not, this wouldn't have arisen.

It's family, not a business meeting.

It's as if everyone has suspended common sense in order to justify sheer rudeness. (To me, anyway)

I know Smileless. The amount of grandparent bashing that happens on Gransnet has truly amazed me. I’m not saying that grandparents are perfect, far from it, and parents are far from perfect too, but the sense of identity and belonging that comes from having an interested grandparent cannot be underestimated. I know this from my own experience as a grandchild. We’ve tried to be good and caring grandparents to our grandchildren, and supportive to our adult children. I think that’s what most parents try to do really. Sometimes it’s made impossible for them though, all to often by the adult child’s partner.

If I were your daughter in law I would have said, 'Have you got time for a coffee /cup of tea?' Normal good manners.
Do you usually have a good relationship with your son and his wife?

MissAdventure

It's family, not a business meeting.

It's as if everyone has suspended common sense in order to justify sheer rudeness. (To me, anyway)

This.

Dropping off without being invited in for a cuppa or to use the toilet, would be complete normal if a person had walked up the road or driven for five minutes. Driving for thirty miles and handing over the chocolate and not being offered so much as a cup of tea is not normal, however much some would like to justify it. It is rude and there’s no justification.
I’m just surprised by those who are doing their best to try to justify sheer bad manners.

I wonder, if the son, daughter in law, and children dropped something off, if granny and grandad would leave them sitting in the car?

I find this rude. Nor do I think that the dil should ge let off the hook just because she is the dil rather than the OP's son. She is the parent of the child for whom -presumably- the eggs had been bought. As such, she is as responsible as the father for showing common courtesy when recieving them.
Unless, that is, there were eggs for the child and the father, but nothing for her - that would make a big difference and I could understand the dil's attitude if that were the case.
I have certainly read of such inconsiderate gift-giving here on Gransnet in the past!

If I said I wanted to drop something off at my daughters who is about two miles away, I would probably literally drop it off. If I was dropping something off at my daughters three hours away, I would hope to be invited in , as others have said, for the loo if nothing else.
We tend not to stand on ceremony, they pop in when they feel like it, which is fine. I actually wouldn’t just pop in unannounced, but I don’t think they would mind if I did.

MissAdventure

I wonder, if the son, daughter in law, and children dropped something off, if granny and grandad would leave them sitting in the car?

This reminded me of an occasional years ago, we were taking our granddaughter on a long drive from her house to ours.
We were asked to “drop off” a car seat at her paternal grandparent’s house.
We had never met “his” parents and we had a very long drive. As we approached Dh said to just me get out, hand over the seat and we’d be off. I said we couldn’t do that, no matter how inconvenient for us they deserved a visit.
I had fun, DH found it excruciating as other grandad thought they had to talk about football, definitely not DH’s happy place.
There are social obligations that we all really know, the younger generation just don’t think they spot them!

Imagine another scenario. DIL drives 30 miles to MIL's house to drop something off having previously arranged to do so with FIL, is met at the door by MIL, thanked and not asked in.

I wonder what the responses would be to that .

Apply to them.

Smileless2012

Imagine another scenario. DIL drives 30 miles to MIL's house to drop something off having previously arranged to do so with FIL, is met at the door by MIL, thanked and not asked in.

I wonder what the responses would be to that .

On Mumsnet 😯

If you have a happy relationship with the rest if your children, I think you should just accept that the relationship with this son and wife doesn't work and just relax and shrug off the rude behaviour and probably not take round trips of 60 miles to drop off Easter eggs, when you can reasonable expect your son and family to be unwelcoming. let them make the running.

I have never seen the point of continuanly raising your head above a parepet, if every time you do so someone shoots at you.

I don't go on Mumsnet Callistemon but can imagine that scenario would produce some colourful responses with very few saying that the MIL wasn't being rude.

Very rude. My interpretation is they don’t like you! Sorry but I can’t see any other reason not to invite you in to see the child even if only for a few minutes…. But maybe they were busy, having said that if someone turned up unannounced at my door I’d be more upfront….either invite them in or say why they can’t stay…..

Smileless2012

I don't go on Mumsnet Callistemon but can imagine that scenario would produce some colourful responses with very few saying that the MIL wasn't being rude.

I've glanced at it once in a blue moon.
It's scary 🤣🤣🤣

I bet it is.

I realise it is upsetting to hear but if you are not invited in it is because they do not want to spend time with you.

Yes, ....or there is more to it than we know here, Theexwife

very rude i would have expected to be invited to have a cuppa at least and I would have got the child to thank you for their gifts

Extremely rude if they knew you were coming. Exception if they are ill especially with something contagious, no one wants invited in for a cuppa and dose of covid.

But seriously if you know your in laws are on the way, 30 miles is long enough to run round the hoover and shove some yoga pants on so you can open the door?

Blunt

The height of ignorance. I'd be having a quiet word with them both to ask why they did this as it was extremely hurtful. I'd behin with 'is everything OK'