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AIBU

DH habits

(105 Posts)
NanaTuesday Tue 02-Apr-24 09:27:02

My DH like others of yours I imagine , has annoying habits .
But ,
his biggest is that he “ never” gets up early in the mornings !
It doesn’t matter if it is a weekday, holiday, workday …it’s always the same .
I wake up early most mornings , I’ll make us both a drink & I may bring mine back to bed or I’ll stay up .When I say early , it could be anytime between 6:00 - 7:am of course I wouldn’t make him a drink at that time but I will get up put washing on etc & maybe bring my own drink upstairs .
Obvs in the dark days of winter it’s nice to stay a while cosied up,in bed TV news on & cuddles with the dogs . But not every day is winter & I am getting at the end of my wits now as he has recently retired ( age 68 ,he was working 3 days a week - more to keep him busy & out of bed at my suggestion 🤪)
With family coming over the last two days , yes it has been extremely busy & tiring , so a lie in is welcomed .
His mantra to me every morning after I have made coffee is “ I’ll just have 10 mins sleeep “and that is no matter what time asi may not of made Coffee until. 8 or later , for gods are you’ve just slept all night !,
He does it on holiday , the suns shining in whatever far flung place we’ve landed ( or it might be a rainy Cornwall or France for that matter ) it is just so annoying .
So for those of you who will say,
“ why does it bother you “ ?

My answer is “ IT DOES” he has been asleep all night, bar the odd bathroom trip .
When he was working he’d literally, get up 10 mins before he needed to leave the house ,shower & was gone .
If he was WFH , well that would be 2 mins !!!

That’s it rant over ,Tia for listening , I have more but will resist my urge & try and wake the grumpy one .

Poppyred Tue 02-Apr-24 09:43:53

Sorry, but I sympathise with him. You sound like an early bird and I find them very annoying!

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 02-Apr-24 09:49:29

Me too. One of the great joys of retirement is no longer having to get up in time to catch the train. If that’s all you’ve got to complain about, you’re lucky. If I were him I would be complaining about your early rising. I would find it intensely annoying.

Sago Tue 02-Apr-24 09:54:10

I love the days I can read and drink tea in bed, if my husband wants to be up and showered by 7 that’s fine and on mornings when I need to or want to be up and about that’s fine with me if he’s reading in bed.

Live and let live.

Jackiest Tue 02-Apr-24 09:54:29

Just leave him in bed and do whatever you want to do. Housework, shopping or meetup with friends for coffee. Maybe avoid hoovering the bedroom though.

Susan56 Tue 02-Apr-24 09:59:52

I am a lark and my husband is an owl.I wouldn’t like him telling me I had to stay up really late so am not going to tell him to get up early!

I quite enjoy the slow and quiet start to the day doing my own thing.

Louella12 Tue 02-Apr-24 10:03:44

I'm the owl and Mr Louella is a lark. I go to bed at 2 or 3. He goes at 11.

No problems here. As Susan56 says I'd not be happy either, to change my sleeping habits to suit him!

Primrose53 Tue 02-Apr-24 10:06:49

I agree. He deserves to get up when he chooses now. All my working life I got up first at 6.45 and made a cup of tea for everybody which i took to their rooms. Kids got ready and off to school, husband came down about 7.30-8.

When I retired I decided to get up when I wanted to. I now get MY tea in bed and it’s lovely!

Doodledog Tue 02-Apr-24 10:08:57

I’m agree with GSM. I love not having to get up early, and would resent someone chivvying me to get up ‘just because’. There is nothing special about early mornings. It is not morally superior to do things first thing. So long as your husband does what he needs to do while he is up, why does it matter when he does it?

I don’t think that office hours are good for a lot of people. Some of us are very in the morning and get much more alert and productive as the day goes on. In our day, working usually meant being present in the workplace when required. After a lifetime of fitting into that, why not do what comes naturally when we can?

Mogsmaw Tue 02-Apr-24 10:10:42

My mum’s mantra was “ I’m up your up”!
She was always having a go at my daughter, I told her “no one has moral superiority over you just because they got up earlier”

Mogsmaw Tue 02-Apr-24 10:12:52

I told my daughter.
My mum used to call about 9am on a Saturday without fail she’d say “oh good your up” I worked Friday night shift for over 10 years and finished at 8 am

NotSpaghetti Tue 02-Apr-24 10:13:17

I am another owl.
I think you are probably quite annoying! grin

My husband regularly brings me tea in bed and I always say "thank you" because it comes from a place of love.... but honestly, if he didn't I think I'd prefer it. I've suggested (strongly) several times that I'll have tea later but ge continues to say "it's no trouble".

I love him and he loves me. I'm lucky to have him. Please try to get over your annoyance. flowers

Nansnet Tue 02-Apr-24 10:17:49

I'm an owl, and I like to wake up naturally when my body is ready. DH is an owl too, but he's also a lark! He goes to bed very late, but he still wakes up very early, even at the weekends, or when on holiday! The annoying thing is that he can't understand why I can't wake up early too, full of the joys of spring! I've been like this since I was a teenager, so I'm not going to change now! I only hope that, when he retires, and he no longer has to get up early for work, his body clock will eventually change to be more in sync with mine!

pascal30 Tue 02-Apr-24 10:22:50

I really sympathise with your husband. He's spent his working life getting up early and now that he can luxuriate and reflect quietly in bed you are ruining it for him.. Let him do what he wants to do.. it's his choice..his life You are being very selfish

nandad Tue 02-Apr-24 10:27:31

I sympathise (sort of). My DH won’t get out of bed until after 9, sits and reads the news, does wordle, texts friends and then at 10.30 goes up for a wash and shave. Our morning doesn’t start until 11 at the earliest, even when we are going out or he’s going to the allotment. I go out early on 2 days to avoid this frustration and am considering other morning activities so that I don’t constantly feel that time is being wasted. Maybe think about doing the same NanaTuesday?

Oopsadaisy1 Tue 02-Apr-24 10:32:04

Yes YABU.

lemsip Tue 02-Apr-24 10:34:21

Jackiest

Just leave him in bed and do whatever you want to do. Housework, shopping or meetup with friends for coffee. Maybe avoid hoovering the bedroom though.

Well said. That's what I would do.

nadateturbe Tue 02-Apr-24 10:37:51

I so envy your DH. He sounds so relaxed.
I wish I could sleep like that LHA smile

Grandyma Tue 02-Apr-24 10:47:36

Although retired for several years, my DH is still in the habit of early to bed, early to rise. I am the opposite, a real night owl and late riser. My DH enjoys his early morning time to himself and likewise I love my time catching up on TV, reading etc after he’s gone to bed. It works perfectly for us.

Siope Tue 02-Apr-24 10:50:44

I’m definitely #teamhusband. I spent 60+ years adapting to a morning world, and it’s sheer joy not to have to do so any longer. I’ve no idea what my husband does for the two/three/four hours he’s awake before me, and no desire to find out.

annodomini Tue 02-Apr-24 10:54:15

I'm not a morning person. I tend to come to life around 11am unless I have to keep an appointment, although I do try to make them at a later hour! So my sympathy is with the OP's husband. I hope they can enjoy the rest of the day together.

Jaxjacky Tue 02-Apr-24 10:58:23

You’ve posted about your husband irritating you before NanaTuesday on holiday, so now he’s retired, he’s around more.
As others have suggested, take yourself out in the morning if it really irritates you so much.
Or just accept, after all this time, you’re different and let him get on with it.

Callistemon21 Tue 02-Apr-24 11:00:33

Poppyred

Sorry, but I sympathise with him. You sound like an early bird and I find them very annoying!

DH gets up early and brings me a cuppa at about 8.00 am. I might get up then or might not.

After years of getting up at 6.30am , putting together packed lunches, feeding and getting children off to school, getting ready for work on autopilot then dashing out of the door it's great to know that I don't have to do that daily.

I'm like Snoopy.

Callistemon21 Tue 02-Apr-24 11:02:06

Ps I'm bright and annoyingly breezy at 11pm!

Millie22 Tue 02-Apr-24 11:04:40

I'm feeling really sorry for your DH who just wants to relax.

After years of having to get up early it's so nice to have a gentle start to the day.