I'm far too sensitive

zakouma66

As a child growing up in a frightening household, I developed antennae that could pick up every nuance. I also believed everything was my fault and it was up to me to put it right.

Your comment applies to me too. I could have written those exact words about my childhood and its affects on my life.

Petra, you sound like a very assured, matter of fact person. Not everyone is and that doesn't make them any less adult or more self pitying than you.

The ability to reflect on the fact that nobody is interested in what you have to say or that their being a 'bit snippy' might be down to your behaviour is something people with empathy would consider a reasonable way to behave.

Not everyone is retired and has plenty of free time so ideal and lovely as coffee and cake would be, many of our adult children wouldn’t be up for it off the cuff. Fitting stuff into busy lives isn’t impossible of course, just not automatic if something seems off on a particular day.

If anyone can relate or help me to stop worrying so much about how others are feeling

I find or think that often, that can be pure guess.
Or even not true at all.

A person I know, I once asked her what she thought others thought negatively about her.
She reeled off 5 things.
In reality, it was 5 different things, not the ones she was thinking of.

And she was not bothered by the 5 things they were really thinking.

MissInterpreted - whilst I can obviously understand the term "Empath" I think I've only heard it used in sci-fi movies to label a type of cyborg or robot type! One who can read the mind of others I think?

I do sympathise, Skylight18… I am a ‘worrier’ and can agonise about things totally unnecessarily. As MOnica has pointed out, it is very easy to misinterpret a message on first reading - I have done this many a time, and on re-reading the message, realised I had read things in a way which wasn’t intended…

Having perspective on situations and people is a skill I have to keep practising. Writing things down helps… then rip up the evidence! Take care.

M0nica

Dare I ask, are you really an empath - or are you someone who sees off tones and push offs in the most innocent remark?

I had an uncle who could see negative remarks and put downs in the most innocent of remarks. It made conversation very difficult.

I have also, myself, assumed someone was saying something upsetting to me,when, when I went back over the message later realised I had got it completely wrong.

I do wonder how far someone like the OP is an empath, and how much someone who suffers from lack of self-esteem and sees put downs and negative attitudes in what other people do or say, or messages, because that is what their lack of self esteem leads them to expect. Were they to assume that there is no reason why anyone should put them down, therefore any supposedly off message is the result of them choosing to interpete the message that way, life would be much better and yhey would discover thta they were not as empathetic as they think.

I understand your thoughts. I gave messages purely as an example. When a good friend or a member of family is upset or ill I will take this on board like my own problem and go out if my way to help and comfort them in whatever way I can. I've researched the traits of an empath and I tick every box. Interestingly when I'm speaking to people even strangers face to face I do pick up on how they are feeling very easily but in this type of situation I feel better as I can usually help as inevitably they will tell me the problem. It's more difficult with strangers as I pick up their feelings but often can't help but a lot of the time I find even strangers share their problems. I could go on but this is enough for this reply.

OldFrill

An empath would be concerned about the person sending the text, perhaps reading too much into what is written and over worrying about the sender's feelings, situation etc.
Wrongly taking offence and assuming imagined criticism is quite the opposite of empathy.
I agree with Petra.

I now wish I hadn't used messsges as an example as I can see in a lot of replies this has been misconstrued.

Curlywhirly

Bit harsh there petra - or is that me being oversensitive!

Or is it Petra showing a lack of empathy?

Some people are in the business of "being offended". They probably have too much time on their hands and should get a hobby.

I am retired from my job and for what it's worth it was within a caring profession. It suited me perfectly. I still work from home part time in a less demanding occupation. I think I'm trying to get across my original post is only a fraction of the problem and often the people messaging do have known issues which can cause me concern for the rest of the day over & above what is necessary.

biglouis

Some people are in the business of "being offended". They probably have too much time on their hands and should get a hobby.

I'm never offended, only concerned

Esmay

The downside of being an empath is the ability to pick up other people's moods very easily .
They can't always be sunny and positive .
I've been described as an empath - so I know how you feel .
It's not easy .
I try to avoid situations , which I know are going to upset me .
And when I sense negatively in family and friends I pray for them .

I often do the same 🙏

I have a sister like that, she often thinks people are off with her or worries about someone else’s problems way after they have been sorted, she made every subject, comment or problem about her and how she feels, rather than walking on eggshells with her we now have a separate Whattsapp group which doesn’t include her.

I think some of the replies are rather harsh.
The OP says
"If anyone can relate or help me to stop worrying so much about how others are feeling, especially family, I'd really appreciate it."

She is worrying that her family aren't OK. I sympathise as I do this if a message seems a bit different to usual.

But it usually turns out they were just busy trying to do 10 things at once - so that's what I tell myself is the case - but if you are a worrier it's not always easy

Not heard of ‘empath’ ….but I’m definitely one of them. D.I.l. dropped something off yesterday but hardly said a word. She was in and out. She is a busy young mum, but I concluded that she was upset with me for something

pandapatch

I think some of the replies are rather harsh.
The OP says
"If anyone can relate or help me to stop worrying so much about how others are feeling, especially family, I'd really appreciate it."

She is worrying that her family aren't OK. I sympathise as I do this if a message seems a bit different to usual.

But it usually turns out they were just busy trying to do 10 things at once - so that's what I tell myself is the case - but if you are a worrier it's not always easy

Thank you

crazyH

Not heard of ‘empath’ ….but I’m definitely one of them. D.I.l. dropped something off yesterday but hardly said a word. She was in and out. She is a busy young mum, but I concluded that she was upset with me for something

Google empath. I can assure you it comes with its issues and FWIW its never about how we are being affected. A true empath understands this.

I am on two Whatsapp group, one with my overseas siblings and another with my daughter.

The same thing happened to me. I wrote a number of long sentences and my daughter will reply with one very short sentence. My siblings rarely reply to my few postings except for my younger sister who often attached a heart emoji.

The best thing to do is not to read too much into social media messages.

As far as I know, an empath is a sensitive person who could pick up and absorb other people’s emotions (usually negative) which could affect that person the whole day.

Not sure whether I am an empath. Once at work, I asked my colleagues whether they thought there was something not quite right with our line manager. They all replied no but a few days later, he went off sick with stress.

SporeRB

I am on two Whatsapp group, one with my overseas siblings and another with my daughter.

The same thing happened to me. I wrote a number of long sentences and my daughter will reply with one very short sentence. My siblings rarely reply to my few postings except for my younger sister who often attached a heart emoji.

The best thing to do is not to read too much into social media messages.

As far as I know, an empath is a sensitive person who could pick up and absorb other people’s emotions (usually negative) which could affect that person the whole day.

Not sure whether I am an empath. Once at work, I asked my colleagues whether they thought there was something not quite right with our line manager. They all replied no but a few days later, he went off sick with stress.

Excellent post Spore, you've got it 😊

pandapatch

I think some of the replies are rather harsh.
The OP says
"If anyone can relate or help me to stop worrying so much about how others are feeling, especially family, I'd really appreciate it."

She is worrying that her family aren't OK. I sympathise as I do this if a message seems a bit different to usual.

But it usually turns out they were just busy trying to do 10 things at once - so that's what I tell myself is the case - but if you are a worrier it's not always easy

OP also said
"If I feel the tone is off or my reply has been dismissed with a throwaway comment or ignored it can leave me feeling really upset"

That's not caring about the other person.

Oldfrill, sorry but it most certainly is caring because I worry about how they are feeling that day, especially if the coment is hurtful. I always know if it just because they're busy in a rush etc simply becsuse I know the people well and whats normal and whats not.

I'm not keen on the word empath, any more than I am on the diagnosis of narcissist, about everyone who is selfish.

Being too sensitive, or anxious is nearer the mark, surely, for people who read imagined meanings into situations or conversations.