AIBU to start thinking about self defence in the home and when I am out and about?

Just be aware that when push comes to shove, you can have all the good intentions in the world about fighting back, defending yourself and so on, but you may well just freeze. I did a self-defence course and always thought that if anything happened, I would at least do something, but I was assaulted (on a crowded bus, of all places) by a man who groped me and I completely froze. I was surrounded by other passengers, but I literally could not move a muscle or even speak. To this day, when I think about it, I'm filled with horror - and I'm ashamed to my core that I didn't do something, didn't speak out, shout, scream, slap him or whatever.

Oh dear oh dear

We are required,here in the UK under the terms of our insurance to have locks on all our windows. This insurance will be invalidated if we are not in the room with the open window The house gets pretty hot but I adhere to that, just opening a suitable window in our bedroom at night

All external doors are kept locked with a 5-bar lock When we moved in, some 50 years ago, any neighbour could drop in on shouting hello,
This is a village of some 100 inhabitants but we are close enough to London to have many newcomers who find they are able to upsize by moving here
I would not go out at night
My daughters felt, and were, perfectly safe in doing evening work in Hong Kong It was pointed out there that the Chinese were Not interested in English girls as their main interests were with the triads

In west Africa, the main interest seemed to be in raiding linen cupboards ( as ours was by a greased naked Ghanaian) Our neighbour, a rugby international had taken a dive at an intruder and felt him slip through his arms

Door locks were not, then, available and our predecessor secured the entire bungalow using meat skewers which were slotted like bolts , through rings on the door frame

In Singapore, the flat owner, whom my husband was replacing for a week or two found a gun in a drawer, left everything as it had been with a perfectly written note in English..... saying that he had not appreciated that the resident was important enough to own a gun and offered his apologies at breaking into the property of such an important person
And so... country by country.

Here in the UK should my husband be in hospital, I have a burglar alarm and keep a chair wedged under the door handle at night and now I have completely forgottn what the theme of his thread might be...... Apologies

I think l would be to afraid to fight back to be honest. It's just me and the dog now, and Toby doesn't even bark, he is 16.
Obviously l keep everywhere locked, front door even in the day.
However, I had to have my extension roof replaced over the past 2 days. On the evening of the first day, only the new roof structure was up, leaving it open to the elements and anyone who wanted to use the ladders in climb into my kitchen.
That night l slept ,or tried to downstairs in the living room, guarding myself and Toby. I must admit l was scared, although l know it was unlikely that anyone would get in.
I also have to wander around our small estate quite late at night if Toby decides he needs the toilet. I do take my phone and a personal alarm. But again l live alone, lm 66 and l often think to myself who will l call if something happens to get to me quickly.

OldFrill

It's prudent to have the odd item around the place that could be useful if self defence if necessary.
Personally I've got a terrier.

I agree. Dogs usually wake up at the slightest sound and will bark. Usually enough to make an intruder move on.

When I was in my late teens my parents had a Yorkshire terrier. They always knew wen I was in late, having gone to bed earlier, because he heard my footsteps from tens of yards away and would bark.

I always have my doors and windows locked. And my walking stick has a heavy handle that could knock someone out . Plus I am not frightened to defence myself.
I felt helpless at High school being bullied everyday and no one is ever going to make me feel like that again . I am not frightened going out on my own but won't go into the city during the evening or night . I have to be aware of my surroundings at all times as I have a rare hereditary neurological condition that if startled my limbs stiffen and fall. Just one of the many symptoms I have .

It's common sense to protect yourself no matter how old you get.

widgeonin Nigeria they poked long poles through the windows and hooked up anything they could. I can’t remember if we had bars at the windows ( I was only 5) but we did in HK.
The burglars used to come in at night and creep about when we were asleep. They cut the bars in the dining room and bent them back. They never did us any harm but we never lived in a first floor flat again!

In the UK guns have to be kept in a locked cabinet. I have to say I don't think about it when hubby is home. However many years ago he was beaten unconscious and when #i came home from the hospital my daughter and I moved furniture in front of both the back and front door overnight. When my daughter started nursing at 18, if she was working afternoons -finishing around 10 pm then she'd phone me and I'd stay on the phone until she was back in the car.

A few years ago one city (Nottingham?) gave a course for ‘pensioners’ on how to use your walking stick for self defence.
I once went to a talk for women on self defence given by a police sergeant. She emphasised that running was the best way out of danger and said whatever shoes you wear, make sure that you can rub in them. I’m sure she said more but it was running that stuck in my mind.

‘run’ not ‘rub’!

Widgeon - I think it's unusual to have to close windows as you move from room to room.

Most policies want you to close the windows when you leave the house.
It might be worth checking yours.

🤞

About 10 years ago a masked man kicked my door in. He didnt get any further because I never used that entrance and there was furniture behind the door.

I had time to fetch a freezer knife from the kitchen (the jagged pointy kind) and slash several times at his hand which he had got between the door and the frame, trying to prise it ipen. There was a lot of blood and it went everywhere, He yelled and ran off. I didnt call the police because I thought I might get into trouble for hurting him - I probably damaged his hand pretty badly. I would like to hope that he was permanently injured and that might lead him to reconsider his useless life. However when I later looked at the cctv footage it could be seen that his mate was carrying a machete! I just called the emergency locksmith to fixx the door. Later I had it replaced by one of those sturdy composite ones that took two men to carry.

I didn't know (until today) that the UK was listed on a U.S. government site as one of the countries to use extreme caution when visiting due to personal safety issues. Also, France and Spain were on that list but not Portugal. Russia and Mexico were at the highest level of danger, as was Venezuela. Poland and Uzbekastein and Canada were on the safe list, as was Finland. I would think that if we had such a travel list, the U.S. would be listed with a safety warning.

I would not have a knife for safety but if I worried about safety, I would use a personal alarm (to wake the neighbors), a barking dog (to warn me in advance) and a cell phone (to call someone). I have also been told that it is a good idea to buy an old wallet, stuff it with cash and cancelled credit cards so that if you do find yourself in a bind, you can hand it over while keeping your real wallet.

The people we are planning to protect ourselves from are always boys and men. Why?

I looked up crime rates and saw that Bradford, Birmingham and Coventry were down there as risky places with high crime rates. At one stage we lived in Warwickshire and then it was very safe. It was a long,long time ago though. Most cities have certain places where you wouldn’t go alone after dark except places like Singapore where they have crime well and truly sorted.

There are areas in most cities and large towns that have high crime rates but living in a low crime rate area does not make you immune, you get a different “class” of criminal.

Good door and window security and an alarm is your best protection

Pretty sure i would either freeze or get mad and try to defend myself, pointless against a younger and stronger intruder who has the benefit of being prepared. I keep windows and doors locked, try to be street wise but you can only do so much, you have to try not to make anything easy for them.

biglouis

About 10 years ago a masked man kicked my door in. He didnt get any further because I never used that entrance and there was furniture behind the door.

I had time to fetch a freezer knife from the kitchen (the jagged pointy kind) and slash several times at his hand which he had got between the door and the frame, trying to prise it ipen. There was a lot of blood and it went everywhere, He yelled and ran off. I didnt call the police because I thought I might get into trouble for hurting him - I probably damaged his hand pretty badly. I would like to hope that he was permanently injured and that might lead him to reconsider his useless life. However when I later looked at the cctv footage it could be seen that his mate was carrying a machete! I just called the emergency locksmith to fixx the door. Later I had it replaced by one of those sturdy composite ones that took two men to carry.

How bizarre that you never called the Police.
It may have saved someone else’s life.

Biglouis apart, the chances of any of us being attacked or our houses coming under an attack from a determined house breaker, is incredibly low, not impossible, but highly, highly improbable.

The simple answer is to have a security system. My DH installed a downstairs alarm in our last house and we had a professional whole house alarm installed in this house, incorporating mains powered smoke alarms. We only set it when we leave the house and it is there mainly because, until recently we were away from home a lot.

In nearly 30 years, it did once, just after we had moved in, foil an attempted break-in and it went off during the night, when squirrels got into the loft and bit through the wiring, which ruined a nights sleep.

Twice DS, during the period we signed up to the monitoring service had the fire brigade round when he left sausages on the griddle and forgot about them. After that we discontinued the monitoring. But all that was in the frst 5 years. Nothing in the ensuing 25 years.

You have far more chance of being injured in a road accident. Does that stop you going outside or, if you can drive, doing so?

I have had a sister killed in a road accident and DD left with a disabled right arm after another road accident. I also saw my landlady killed in an accident when she was hit when crossing the road, including being a witness at the ensuing trial. It made me a little nervous when learning to drive but I had a good instructor and have been driving for nearly 50 years, happily and confidently in all traffic conditions.

Fear can cripple your life,if you let it. I do not let it.

nanna8
Singapore has seen its crime rate go up though.
It has doubled over the last decade.

How bizarre that you never called the Police. It may have saved someone else’s life

I cant take responsibility for random other people. I can only take responsibility for myself. A woman alone could be raped or murdered. There were two of them.

I didnt call the police because I deliberately slashed at his hand and fingers in pure rage. I didnt want the hassle of explaining that to the police. Lets just say that I was pretty traumatized and I didnt want the hassle of police and courts.

I have since learned enough about the law of self defence in your own home to know that you can go pretty far in these circumstances. If you believe your life to be in danger you can use "reasonable force" and that includes a weapon or whatever comes to hand. There has now been a judgement by a high court judge which takes into account how you might act in fear, panic and the heat of the moment. The intruder themself does not need to be actually armed. If you "believe" them to be armed that is sufficient justification to use force to defend yourself.

After I bought a house I had a full security system installed with cctv on all sides. I also have a personal alarm on me at all times.

www.safeandsecurerollershutters.co.uk/news/what-are-your-rights-if-you-confront-an-intruder-on-your-property/

When you have experienced a traumatic attack - it really affects you .
I've been assaulted and the memory is something that floods back when I feel tired , can't sleep or stressed .

For that reason -I am super careful .
But yesterday having noticed that a gift certificate was about to expire I ventured into an area , which my friends , family and neighbours avoid due to the terrible reputation that it has .
I was shocked at the way it's changed -entire blocks of sixties buildings have been demolished and the bus stops moved .
I sensed the racial tensions and could see why most people are afraid to go there .
The biggest risk was being mugged .
And yet , I met people who enjoyed talking to me .
I had a rest in a cafe to avoid the rush hour and couldn't find the bus stop to get back .
After a while I found it .
Would I go back again?
I might during the day now I see the new routes .
At home , I've elected to stay in a semi as my neighbours , who live in the adjoining house make me feel safe .
Unfortunately , it's a family continually at war with each other and the marriage is crumbling .
If they didn't live there -I'm not sure where I'd live .

Sago

biglouis

About 10 years ago a masked man kicked my door in. He didnt get any further because I never used that entrance and there was furniture behind the door.

I had time to fetch a freezer knife from the kitchen (the jagged pointy kind) and slash several times at his hand which he had got between the door and the frame, trying to prise it ipen. There was a lot of blood and it went everywhere, He yelled and ran off. I didnt call the police because I thought I might get into trouble for hurting him - I probably damaged his hand pretty badly. I would like to hope that he was permanently injured and that might lead him to reconsider his useless life. However when I later looked at the cctv footage it could be seen that his mate was carrying a machete! I just called the emergency locksmith to fixx the door. Later I had it replaced by one of those sturdy composite ones that took two men to carry.

How bizarre that you never called the Police.
It may have saved someone else’s life.

A shocking experience!

But all that DNA!! What a wasted opportunity.
The perpetrator may have been already on the National DNA Datebase but may have succeeded in breaking, entering and attacking someone next time.

Violent crime rate in Singapore July 2024 18.91. Violent crime rate in London 57.68. Where I live, highest city rate in Australia 43.4. Birmingham 63.7. Huston, you have a problem.

….So (1) be able to run. (2) don’t be vulnerable….
Ok
It will all come down in the end to Police response (more police), Lots more CCTV everywhere, then education and adequately housing those who feel they have nothing to lose.
Finally build more prisons and provide proper rehabilitation.
Meanwhile most people will and should resist living in fear of being harmed, whether perceived or actual. Because that is no life.

Many years ago because of my job at the time I attended what I call a self preservation course which was excellent - if a bit scary at times. A bit later on I was accosted by two girls coming towards me side by side in a narrow footpath and I used one of the actions I'd learned in case of them attacking me. Thankfully my short action seemed to frighten them and we both went our separate ways. Phew!!! Now I'm elderly I'm not sure I would be as confident as I was then - and I hope I won't ever have to try it.

Chestnut

Out and about I used to walk with confidence but no more! Now I feel totally vulnerable, but I've always felt my only hope would be to talk my way out of it (like in the movies). I couldn't possibly fight them off physically but maybe mentally. Hopefully my razor sharp mind would outwit them and make them change their mind about attacking me. 😎

Chestnut - - like Ricky Gervais in AfterLife, the alley way robbery scene - close your ears to the language
however, he does apply the tin of dog food? he happens
to be carrying