AIBU to start thinking about self defence in the home and when I am out and about?

My mother used. to tell us to hold our keys in a closed fist with one poking through our fingers the idea you could get their face if attacked .Apparently that’s what she did in the blackouts during WW11.

If you are unfortunate enough to confront a burgular or intruder in your own home your best option is to give him what he wants. Many are high on drugs and carry a knife, if you resist you will get stabbed, the vast majority of “ Grans” are not likely to overpower a determined intruder.

Normal security precautions are your best protection, door cameras, secure locks, don’t make yourself a target, a big dog will be a deterrent to most. You can only deter the casual burglars

I would just let them have what they want I think.

I was assaulted when I was ten years old. I have only been burgled once by an opportunist who turned out to be known to the police in the area.

I have lived alone and over the years realised I cannot live my life in a state of constant paranoia.

Luckily I live in a low crime area. We often leave the front door unlocked and I haven't figured out how to work the burglar alarm since I moved here six years ago.

My son keeps his tools in his car and they've never been touched. He once had some groceries stolen from the doorstep following a delivery, but 'they' never did it again.

I suppose it is about striking a balance. When I go walking I stick to public roads when I'm on my own. I would never carry a knife or other weapon which had people have said could easily be used against me.

When I was working I was given an alarm to carry in my bag but don't even know where it is.
One tip I was given was that if threatened by a gang of young men to ask about their mother. I have rehearsed this scenario many times. If I get the mother's name wrong I would say I'd make a mistake, but psychology dictates most young men about to commit a crime wouldn't like to be reminded about having a mother.

Over 40 years ago I went to women's self defence and karate (became a blue belt) because I lived in that area of the north where the Yorkshire Ripper was actively preying on women at night.

The Karate sensei told us that the best self defence strategy is to be very aware of your surroundings and look out for potential trouble and be prepared to run. Once you have to stand and fight you never know how it will end - you cannot know if your attacker is stronger or better.

It is also unwise to carry weapons - in the UK it would be illegal to walk the street carrying a gun or knife. Mace/pepper pray are also illegal. Weapons can also be a big risk as a strong assailant can take - for example a knife - and then use it against you.

You could think about household items that you could potentially use. Since covid I carry antiseptic spray in my handbag that I could use in an emergency. I also have insect spray by the front door - for mozzies and ants but in an emergency I could grab it. Spray deodorant as well - once used this as a teenager when someone broke into my youth hostel dorm (turned out to be teenage boys on a dare) but after a face full of Sure Floral Extra Dry - I doubt they will try it again.

You can consider whether you have a safe space in your house with a strong lock - cupboard/bathroom etc. Where you can hide.

Keep your mobile phone well charged

When walking on the street make sure you carry your handbag on the side that doesn't face the road to deter random snatchings by people on moped/bikes. Cross body styles can also help.

A few years ago I worked in care home for men with mental health issues. We had regular training sessions on how to protect ourselves.
One morning I was alone in the cleaning cupboard a resident (about 40ish, very fit and strong) attacked me by holding both his arms around my throat from behind and holding me firmly against him. I followed my father's advice from being a young girl and just screamed as loud as I could while trying to release his arms (no chance), another member of staff heard me (luckily) and also tried to release his grip, without success, she was about to his him over the head with an object (not part of our training) when he eventually let go.
My point is I don't think any amount of self defence training will be of use if we're attacked unexpectedly. No matter how old or fit we are. Having said that it doesn't stop me going out and about.
We were in London a couple of weeks ago and felt as safe as I did back in the 70s

It's disgusting how weak our leaders have been over many many years, that's why we are in the mess we are in, they have lost control of everything. They have to start listening to the people and remember that they are there to serve us, not just go ahead and do what they want without debate or discussion. God help us!

David49

If you are unfortunate enough to confront a burgular or intruder in your own home your best option is to give him what he wants. Many are high on drugs and carry a knife, if you resist you will get stabbed, the vast majority of “ Grans” are not likely to overpower a determined intruder.

Normal security precautions are your best protection, door cameras, secure locks, don’t make yourself a target, a big dog will be a deterrent to most. You can only deter the casual burglars

I once asked an insurance man about giving them what they want.
He said they still pay out.

I think the reality is that a large number of attackers aren't acting alone nowadays!

I've mentioned it before but my work takes me into the courts quite a lot and in recent times, so many attacks have involved gangs / groups and sadly, the victims of physical assaults are males.

I'm not surprised you are thinking about it.

Agree with others re locking doors and windows.

I don't agree that there is nothing you can do. When I was first divorced I organised a self defence workshop for women with a trainer who went to my kids' schools to teach them self defence. It was quite scary doing the simulated attack and response but gave me huge confidence at the time. The key thing about it is that straight afterwards I would not have frozen.

I would love to find someone who will do that for older women because I would be a lot more nervous about breaking a bone now in such a workshop.

My dad father who had done national service and been in the TA taught me a few important self defence measures. That was in the 60s and 70s before things became as bad but still happened.

I think we are now more vulnerable because very few men (or women) have had the kind of training my father had and so are less well equipped to intervene. My son has set up core cadets in both the state schools he has taught in and that has encouraged pupils of both sexes to learn more about self-defence.

It may not necessarily help in every situation, I know, but I believe in planning for the worst - partly because it gives you more of a sense of control. I have lost two girlfriends when younger to violent crime so I have always taken it seriously.

In the UK it's a serious offence to possess an unlicensed firearm and it's a serious offence to carry a knife in public. Being careful about personal safety is just about the best that can be achieved, locking doors and windows, having a house alarm and carrying a personal alarm, for example.

I get so cross with hubby putting us at risk and not thinking about security leaving windows wide open at the front (we live in a bungalow on a park). Many criminals are opportunists and an open window is like an invitation. We already have so many chancers coming up our path and opening our storage bench for a rummage (plus postie leaves parcels there). Men do not think about risk, historically they have not had to worry whereas women are brought up from an early age to be aware for our personal safety. He replies with I am paranoid, I watch too much TV, we live in a nice village etc etc...

It’s impossible to plan for every dangerous scenario that we may find ourselves in, and who knows how we would react anyway. However, I trained in self defence and have consequently taught my kids and grandkids the basics over the years. I can still run fast too ! as fight or flight must always be considered. Self preservation is a powerful thing.

No, not unreasonable - but keep it in proportion. We are very careful about locking doors, cars, windows. I have a handy torch for evening/winter walks - can be used as a light BUT also has a strobe function - to dazzle and disorientate an assailant. I used to reply if strangers approached me - don't do that now. I have a classic heavy torch by the bed JIC. I agree men are so much less aware of all this - they assume they will be OK, we assume we will not - both of us are wrong 'it all depends'.

Driving home from my late shifts at 11.30pm I had 2 separate attempted car jackings from hooded figures. Both times they ran out of the same lane at my car. The first waved me to stop. I drove away faster. 2nd time they attempted to jump onto my car. They landed on the road on their A.. as I put my foot down hard on the accelerator so they missed my car.
Rang police both times from a few roads away. Nothing they could do as I wasn't actually attacked. They didn't even come out, but advised never to stop for anyone waving at you.
Nephew stopped for a car on his way to work, with bonnet up at 6.45am. Passengers jumped out, hit him, took his wallet and phone, and his car and their car. It was a set up to steal a car.
Near where I used to live a lady answered her door at tea time. 3 youths barged in, pinned her behind the door, held a knife up to her and robbed the house. She wasn't hurt but very shaken by it.
OP we are in a safer area now but we have cameras in the house, a ring doorbell, and 2 dogs who would bark if anyone tried to enter. Don't walk alone at night, or in woods or fields alone in the day. Check who is at the door before answering it. Lock all doors if you're home alone. If you're gardening put your handbag away safely, and lock front door. My MIL had someone walk in her front door while she was gardening at the side of the house. They stole her bag from the front room floor and just walked out. She saw them leave but thought it was someone delivering leaflets.

Im not letting recent events scare me I'm sensible when out and about but that's it

Ziggy62
My father instructed me ( not literally) to aim lower, somewhere in the nether regions 😉
Also the eyes and a very painful area is the philtrum.l

I keep my front door locked at all times and lock the back door when I go out, and at night.

As a young woman I learned to defend myself, as I worked in the evenings and often had to walk home alone after midnight.

I still feel that the risk of being mugged or attacked by a would-be-rapist is greater for young women than for us who are over the age of 70, and I know I can scream very loudly indeed, if I should need to. And kick where it hurts most!

I cannot get into the habit of taking my phone everywhere with me, it doesn't fit into most of my pockets, and frankly, any attacker would grab it before I could call the police.

So no, I take reasonable precautions, such as making sure no-one, literally no-one , knows where I keep my household purse and visa card when at home- apart from that I don't worry about being able to cope and certainly not about burgulars - if I did, I should get a dog fast.

Years ago I was told off military police never carry purse and house keys in the same place. I’ve had my purse picked walking through shops in Newcastle I felt someone knock me but in a busy shopping centre you don’t think nothing of it. I now carry my purse on inside zip pocket of my coat my phone and keys in jacket pockets and my cross body bag only has my shopping bags in it. I’ve a lock on my back gate so extra protection for garden and back door. I’ve cameras on my house my sons did that. Us neighbors always tell each other when going away. I definitely wouldn’t attempt to go against anyone in this country nowadays you don’t know who is carrying a knife. We shouldn’t be feeling unsafe in our country government needs to get a grip and protect us instead of saying I’m going to crack down on it. Because that’s what the last lot said too.

Having been married to a judo instructor for over 60 years, I would not like to rely on any judo defence moves to defend myself.
2 things to try (if you don't freeze) grab a little finger and pull back . It can really hurt. For someone ":in your face" try a finger in the eye.
Don't scream. HOWL that will get more peoples attention

grandtanteJE65

I keep my front door locked at all times and lock the back door when I go out, and at night.

As a young woman I learned to defend myself, as I worked in the evenings and often had to walk home alone after midnight.

I still feel that the risk of being mugged or attacked by a would-be-rapist is greater for young women than for us who are over the age of 70, and I know I can scream very loudly indeed, if I should need to. And kick where it hurts most!

I cannot get into the habit of taking my phone everywhere with me, it doesn't fit into most of my pockets, and frankly, any attacker would grab it before I could call the police.

So no, I take reasonable precautions, such as making sure no-one, literally no-one , knows where I keep my household purse and visa card when at home- apart from that I don't worry about being able to cope and certainly not about burgulars - if I did, I should get a dog fast.

If a man has an idea to rape a woman he doesn’t care about her age. My aunt was 68 when she was raped by two immigrants both in their 20s she died before it even got to court both went to jail and when got out of jail applied to stay here because would suffer if went back and they were allowed to stay in our soft country

A way forward has to be found. I’d keep it simple identified offences eg any against women and girls equals deportation. Tough if your country of origin discriminates against gays, Christian’s or rapists-sex offenders, off you go

I was attending an evening meeting late one night at our town hall. I spoke to the attendant who had a button which released doors to access steps to the upper floor meeting room. As he did so a young man came in behind me asking if I had a phone I told him no but his behaviour concerned me. As I went through the doors I flew along a corridor to the room n locked the door fortunately there was. Councillor in the room n she phoned police while the man was hammering on the door. He then went down the stairs and attacked a cleaning lady with a knife. He was according to the police who eventually arrived high on drugs. It was a very upsetting experience

I lived and worked in London also and attended an ILEA self defence course run by an ex soldier. (Years ago!)

Apart from all of the usual advice about being aware of your surroundings and who’s about, I always remember him saying that if you were going to ‘fight back’ if someone physically attacked you, you had to really mean it.

You had to use pain as a distraction, so eyes and other sensitive parts had to be the target.

Escape or attracting attention were higher on his list but if you decide to retaliate you have to go for it …

The news at lunchtime said that the figures for violnt crime fell last year compared with previous years. Violent vrime is primaril a man on man problem.

Big events like the recent riots get media coverage, but otherwise for most people, especially women the chances of being randomly attacked are really quite low.