Feeling mugged off but do I have the right to?

Just Say No!

Light the blue touch paper and stand well back !
You've already agreed despite health issues and also have a puppy to look after .
They knew their timetable and they know that you aren't well and yet they still asked .
The in laws have opted out .
It's entirely reasonable to say no .
Just don't expect them to take it well .
I hope that you don't experience the tantrums that my friends and I have .

This includes insults posturing ,sulking ,being excluded from family celebrations and having birthdays, Easters ,Christmases and Mother's Day ignored .
Wishing you luck with this .

We often get asked to babysit on the grounds there is no-one else, and have sometimes done several days in a row like you, they live over 86 miles away so we have to stay with them, and like you we both have health probs, I have bad knees and hips so getting on the floor with an energetic 2 year old is difficult and my husband has a bad back. But tbh the puppy would force us to say something rather than biting our lip and just putting up with it. We have had many dogs over the past few decades, our last passed away just 4 years ago and we both made an active decision to not get another. We had mainly rescue dogs of an older age but did get a couple from pups and is hard work toilet training them, also they could whine all night because they miss their mother and siblings. Is like having another baby.
As others have said draw the line at the puppy, see if it can't be held back by the owner until you have done your babysitting, and if this can't be done, be honest, say that with your health problems it will be too much to look after the kids and a new puppy.
Is not fair landing all this on you, they probably haven't thought it through enough and are taking you for granted. Time to say something now or in future the requests to do more than you can manage will keep on coming.

I think you definitely have to say no to the puppy - that was utterly selfish and thoughtless of them to spring on you after you’d said yes to caring for the children (even though I suspect they already knew when the puppy would be arriving).

They are taking the proverbial with you.

I think you need to sit down with them after this (actually, beforehand), and point out that you will no longer be able to take on any child care to the extent they think you should as you are both not in good health - they are responsible for their own children at the end of the day, and need to make adequate provision without expecting you to do it. The other set of parents seem to have the measure of them, and I would suggest that you take a leaf out of their book.

I’m sorry if I sound blunt, but I get so cross when I read and hear of adult children using forms of emotional blackmail to get their way over child care issues, or at the very least, make assumptions that their parents can take on the responsibility of caring for very young children regularly when what the grandparents really need to be doing is putting their feet up and also going off to places when it suits them, not their children.

The puppy would definitely be the last straw.

I wonder about your 50 mile round trip each day. Why can you not stop with your son? He and his wife can give up their bed and bedroom to you and sleep on lilos downstairs, which was what we used to do when our parents stayed.

Your spinal cord injury sounds painful, I'm sorry for you.

I'd go back with your description of how onerous movement is at the moment, have you emphasised that with your son? Combined with his dad's health, having the children five consecutive days you fear will impact too much on you both. I'd meet the puppy issue head on, "so shocked I had a delayed reaction, you slipped that one in without any previous announcement, quite honestly I'm gobsmacked! You have no idea if puppy will be quiet and just sleep, unlikely with a young animal they're excitable by nature. It needs to be exercised and the toilet issue? physically we're just not up to that. We'll do two days, at ours, without the puppy, you have time to put arrangements in place. Finally you're going to have to drop off and pick up" You'll still be doing them a massive favour.

I wish you good luck, their demands are very, very unreasonable.

Oh dear.

Perhaps tend to your 2 Grandparents needs.

I tend to us before all others, as it should be in my opinion. Your children are raising theirs, let them find a childminder and dog sitter.

Jeez I’ve heard it all . You’ve agreed to the babysitting, but it’s a no to the puppy. Ask if the breeder can keep it for a few weeks . Puppies are hard work and yes they do sleep a lot in between the zoomies !!! . Then there’s toilet training and chewing things . Also puppies get nippy with their baby teeth . They don’t mean to bite and nip but it could be very off putting for a young child , and young children need to be taught how to behave with a puppy .
Personally I’m surprised the breeder accepted them due them working full time .

M0nica

Have you always met your children's every wish? From the wording of your post, it does sound so. As a result you have selfish children who just expect you to do everything they ask of you, regardless of your health and welfare.

It seems that the in-laws have got the measure of them and go away on holiday or, I suspect, ar equite willing to say 'no'. Now it is your time to say 'no'.

You say in your post I said that we probably have no choice because there is no one else to have them. That is absolutely nonsense and totally illogical and the other in-laws had no difficulty turning them down and going away on holiday .

Arranging care for their children is your son and DiL's responsbility. They seem selfish and uncaring. To be getting a puppy and expecting you to look after that as well as the children, when they know you both have health problems, is frankly, taking the p*ss.

Tell them that you cannot manage to look after the children for a week, you might manage a day or two, but it would have to be in your own home. As for the dog, just make it absolutely clear that that is a no-no - ever.

I know it will be very difficult for you to say 'no' after years of responding to their every request and they will undoubtedly by horrified, outraged and angry, but it has to be done. You and your husband's health makes this essential.

My thoughts exactly M0nica.

don't discuss anything.
they obviously see you as a soft touch.
they don't care two hoots about you.
it doesn't even enter their consciousness as to how you feel; it's just a matter of bending you to their will, for their convenience.
they won't protect you.
you have to protect you.

A bit blunt wellbeck but I agree.

welbeck succinctly put.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Reported!

What a cheek, hijacking this thread! 🤬

if you dont want to do it then say no, the problem with having different holidays will not go away and could go on for years, they will find someone else or change their job to fit in with their children.

Dont give a list of reasons for them to find solutions for, just say, no.

The addition of a puppy into the mix is a clincher. Tell them that is a step too far and say no. They should have planned things much better and saying no this time will perhaps show them they need to be much more considerate in future.

By the way, to those suggesting the breeder could be asked to keep the puppy a while longer, it’s supposed to be arriving this Friday, so will have been in it’s new home more than two weeks before the dates mentioned, rather a long time to ask the breeder to hold on to it.

If it’s about health, then put yourselves first. The puppy idea seems totally unrealistic..

They should have thought about all this.

What a pair of selfish, irresponsible brats! They know you'll pick up the pieces and they just don't care. They'll have to cancel the puppy I'm afraid. They haven't got the time or sense of responsibility to look after it and I fear for its welfare. It's not a toy. They are indeed taking the piss and I'd tell them to shove it where the sun doesn't shine. I feel angry on your behalf.

This pair always start with "I hate to ask" If that is the case why do they? They know there parents have heath problems and have adaptions to there house.
The puppy for me would be a very hard no. They are a proffesional couple, they will have to pay for their childcare. Or one of them takes unpaid leave. Entitled is what I think of them.

I think the in-laws saw it coming hence going on holiday that week.

I’m of the opinion that to spring a puppy on you is simply rude - and extremely uncaring of yours and your husband’s needs.

We have two teachers in the family so I understand the requirement for additional childcare at the beginning of term. My husband and I take this on willingly at the moment, but there is absolutely no expectation that we will do so; our sons are very careful to point out that other arrangements can be made for our grandchildren’s care.

In your shoes I would be saying that, on reflection, whilst you could have just about managed the childcare, your son and his wife need to find alternative help as the addition of a puppy is simply too much for you both. I might also add the rider that actually you could both do with a little help yourselves and how are they fixed to help out once a month with odd jobs around your house? 😜

Where is the OP?

Disappointing though it is to say 'no' but you have to look fater yourselves. Two children of that age mean an awful lot of running around after them and then a puppy on top! if you tried to look after them all then you would probably harm yourselves and then need looking after at the end of it. Seems to me it's common sense to refuse as kindly as you can and say your health problems made you very wary but when there's the addition of a puppy then you're really sure you will not be able to manage. Tell them asap so they can make alternative arrangements.

So HownowbrownCow.whats your reply to all unanimous comments?

JenniferEccles

Where is the OP?

Quietly worrying herself sick that she has lost an otherwise lovely relationship with her offspring. Needless to say the no can do hasn’t gone down well