Family aren’t living locally

Stillness We are in the same situation as you. Our son and family live 200 miles away and DD, no family, lives 100 miles away.

I am possibly more resilient, as I grew up in similar circumstances. My father was in the army and at times we lived overseas and didn't see grandparents for years on end.

That never undermined my love for my maternal grandmother or our close connection.

What we did start doing quite early was having our grandchildren to stay on their own. Now in their mid-late teens they can travel down to visit us themselves and we do keep in contact online.

I suppose it depends on ones expectations. Many people with children living locally do not necessarily mean seeing each other a lot or any 'popping in'. In fact I suspect that this 'popping in' idea is a relatively modern concept and that while some grandparents are in that position, you are in the majority in not being able to do that.

Count your blessings, they could live in the next road and you might not ever see them.

I sold my house and relocated 100 miles to make sure that I live by my daughter and grandchildren. They were not able to live near to me and my company allowed me to WFH so at 62 years of ages I left everything else behind and started all over again so as to be close to them. I'm not going to miss their young years and want to be with them as often as possible while they are still young enough to want their granny.

It's not been easy and there are many things I miss about home, but it's the choice I've made and I'd do it again.

My eldest brothers oldest son lives in Japan and another brothers only child lives in Taiwan. Neither are ever coming back to the UK and and feel so sorry for their parents.

It sounds like you are suffering from empty nest syndrome.
Maybe you have friends whose children live locally and you are envious.
I moved 500 miles from my family when I married and came to live near his but now only one of my 4 DC lives nearby and that is an hour in the car.
DH died and his relatives have mostly gone too so I rely heavily on my friends.
I am used to being far away so although I would love to be nearer, I put up with it and see them as often as possible.
I spent a month in NZ with DS2 earlier this year. DD and DS3 have just spent the weekend with me. DS1 is nearest and they are so busy, I've not seen them for weeks.

My family were not local to our London Grandparents. Got on well. I helped care through their final illnesses whilst caring for my babies.

Quality over quantity is always a good measure, imo.

I just wish i was on good terms with my daughter and saw her sometimes. Would never move to be near children as they could move any time and would they want me following them?to those that have regular contact and face time and speak on the phone, it shows you are close despite the miles.

I feel sorry for those GCs whose GPs are missing them. I remember visiting my GPs when I lived in London and they lived at Hampton. I used to go after for dinner some evenings.

When I arrived all I wanted to do was sit and watch the news with my GP after a hard day at work. Nana used to fuss around me - " would you like this, do you want that?" It drove me mad. I was in my early twenties at the time.

I do regret not seeing more of them but they moved to the south coast and life got in they way.

Writing this reminded me of the time my DH had a workshop to himself. I would get home after a days work in a large office full of people and a journey home, albeit short, on a crowded tube. All I wanted was a small time reading the paper with a drink in hand. My DH, having been by himself all day, just wanted to talk.

Well think yourselves all lucky many of us have children and grandchildren over the other side of the world and totally out of reach
I m happy for them

I’ve got one down the road and one in Australia. In total I see more of my Aussie one in a year than my extremely busy daughter here.
I do know what you mean though and it is lovely every now and then to enjoy a quick pop in and being around for a bit of childcare when needed.
My sisters and I grew up on the other side of the world and now live about 2hours away from each other so more effort is needed to see each other but we all keep in touch on messenger. We have lots of groups, sisters, children, and a whole family one. The last is rather unwieldy!
I’m afraid you just have to get on with it and make lots of friends. Sometimes easier said than done but not impossible.

Two of my children live very close to me but they don’t ever ‘pop in’. Their lives are frenetic with full time jobs, teenage children and their own interests. We are all in frequent touch on Messenger and, if I ask for help, they will come to me but the only times we get together are Christmas and when the others are visiting.
I’m sure it never occurs to them that I miss them all so much.

My daughter lives five minutes drive away. I can’t remember the last time I saw her. Might have been Christmas? She had to pick something up from my house recently and I was looking forward to see her, but she sent her son .

I thunk I understand stillness. Our sons aren’t close enough for ad hoc visits, always pre arranged and for a purpose. We communicate regularly with phone and messages and yes, if we need them they are here. I thought I’d come to terms with it as a pattern with no opportunity for more casual, spontaneous visits until this week when we’ve seen them all without planning and have realised how much happier I feel. We can’t change where they or indeed we live so no point getting grumpy about it although I own to some current sadness.

It's completely understandable to miss having your family close. Distance can be tough, especially when you crave those spontaneous moments. Perhaps scheduling regular video calls could help bridge the gap? Think of it like a casual game of Uno Online, quick and easy to connect. Focus on cherishing the visits you do have, and find joy in your full life. Maybe explore new hobbies to fill the time between visits. You are not alone in feeling this way.
unoonlinefree.com

I will be the weird one here and state my beliefs. I had my first child at 18 years old and four to follow. It is my undoubted personal belief that as a parent it was my duty to raise them as babies and children as a duty because they were too immature to take care of themselves. Now they are adults, I have done my duty in protecting them until they could reach adulthood.

Maybe I am too much like a robin or a swallow and not like an elephant or whale but my children, now grown, are their own beings.

*Once they have flown you have done your job*

Good words from you Gin

The best gift to give to any AC is to allow them freedom without guilt

I realise this is an old thread.

Adding on further to what I wrote upthread.
Would my kids be happier living where I do? No. Probably not.
Plus they would not have met their husbands and wives[some are, lets say, from around the world].

I think we should all let our children fly to where they feel they want to go. Surely being a parent is to bring them up to be confident enough to try new areas of life both living and working
Parents should not be tormented if they move away we should be proud we gave them the spirit to try things that aren’t familiar and be interested in their new life and be excited for them
Stillness I think you have allowed this neediness to become all consuming you are 100 miles away that is a couple of hours, it is literally around the corner
You say you ve got a good full life you are one lucky lady do not wallow and miss your own life

I am truly sorry if you think I m being over hard but think of all the grans on here and in the world who never see their children/grandchildren through break downs or through distance of countries You are one lucky granny
Count your blessings which you sound as if you have lots and live YOUR life not theirs

She did say in her 3rd post in Aug that she was needing to count her blessings.

She is maybe in a different headspace to when she started this thread.

I have no experience of ever having family near by, neither do most of my friends. Normality, for me is travelling at least 100 miles plus to visit.

My background is Irish immigrant and army, so in my childhood I had only 2 known relatives on one side of the family and on the otherside a large family scattered all over the world, most in the army (including my father), but even the non-army members had jobs that sent them overseas. On several occasions we did not see our grandparents for years on end because we were in south east Asia

It was a real novelty when we married and had children and only lived 60 miles from each of our respective parents, which was the case until my MiL was widowed and moved to live near us for the last year of her life.

Work has taken our son and grandchildren 200 miles cross country from us. of course I would have liked them nearer, but they spend a week with us every school holiday, we are off to Suffolk on holiday this August, we are on the phone, email, Facebook.

On GN we read so many cases of estrangement and of people whose relations with their AC are precarious. I am just so constantly grateful that we have such a close relaxed loving relationship with our children and grandchildren.

We are downsizing at the moment - to be nearer our children DD has found her forever house in the same town and will be living just over a mile from us, we have nearly halved DS's driving time to us. He is giving up a weekend to drive a van to help us move some of our belongings to temporary accommodation.

Knowing that we are aloving caring family, who will always rally round when needed and care for us as we care for them, is all that really matters. Some people have grandchildren living 100 yards away - and never see them - or their parents.

DDs (and Gdcs) are all 60 miles away, which isn’t too bad - a 1.5 hour drive - as long as the M25 isn’t a nightmare.
TBH in my family it’s usually to be scattered - my parents weren’t near their own parents either, and for a good many years dh and I were a 7/8 hour flight from our parents!

I live in Scotland and my two children and grandchildren live in Essex and Devon.
Not easy to just pop in, however when I visit often it is 24/7.
I wouldn’t have it any other way as I brought up my children to be independent.
I moved 30 miles away from family when I married.

Reported

Reported

The rest of my family lived near each other when my kids were children. I don't think they used to do coffee or meals together.
For years, even if we were living 200 miles away, I used to take mine to see their grandmother every 2 months, which took a whole day.
Do we all fall into the trap if imagining how lovely things would be 'if only'?

Automated gates are great till there is a power cut , it’s lashing rain and you are searching for how to open it manually!

Me again - today I am boarding a plane which will be 8 hours flying time, plus 2 hours in a Taxi when I get there, plus an hour to get me to the airport here. This is the journey I have to take to see my grandchildren. (Let's not forget the £2000 airfare for both of us). I WISH mine were only 100 miles away. I don't know where you live Stillness but even in the UK this cannot be more than 2 hours away. Can you not meet halfway sometimes? That would be a day trip which I would be more than happy to do to see my grandchildren. I do feel sympathy for you but for many of us our relationship with our grandchildren is on a screen.