I feel offended

So sorry about your Dad.

Maybe your SiL has a strange sense of humour? Maybe you are also a little over sensitive at the moment.

I hope you resolve the situation.

SIL - is it your brother’s wife ? Why don’t you talk to your brother directly ?

So sorry about your Dad - when I read things like this, I worry about my own situation. 😫

She does out rightly disbelieve a lot of things that people say this is an annoying trait I find but this is different I feel it lacks any empathy

It sounds to me as if you are in a position I was in a few years ago. You are facing your dear dad having palliative care and it is worrying for you which will make you extra aware of what's going on. Sometimes, under normal circumstances, these events don't challenge us but when they are serious we have a heightened state of awareness. For me, I would concentrate on my dad and the precious time you spend with him while you can. Your SIL knows what it going on, she is older than you as you say, let her find her own level, be it whatever it is. Sometimes, when times are tough we see the real person in others and sometimes we see how kind they are. If she is over quite an age, perhaps put it down to lack of connecting the dots anymore. I have a friend of 85. Last year we had a great time and this year, I had not seen her for six months, she had become very negative and moany. Focus on your self care and the care of your dad at this point in time. You will look back with fondness at precious memories.

She's my husband's brother wife my fault I thought she would be sympathetic

If she is much older than you, and you haven't haven't been to see her because you have been looking after your dad and his affairs I think that maybe she has felt sidelined and is actually annoyed with you.. She seems, from her responses, to be unable to show you compassion or support because of this.. I think that realistically you will have to cope with this sad situation on your own and hopefully with the support of your DH.. some women are just very self centred..

She’s your husbands brothers wife, so no real relation to you or your Dad why would you not let your brother know the information about your dad, not his wife
I would imagine she was a bit embarrassed she got the emoji wrong and probably thought it meant ‘Oh my goodness’ which is how I probably would have interpreted it myself, the second laughing emoji probably was laughing at her own mistake. Why the hell don’t people talk any more instead of sign language !!!
But back to your original point I think you’re being a bit over sensitive which is understandable, with your worry, fear and upset over your Dad, talk to your own brother not his wife about any future plans, worries, or needs I think that’s best don’t you ?

He's not my brother he's my husband brother we are all very close my dad has socialised with them and they each ask about the other and woman tend to communicate to each other in family matters in our family I texted because I was exhausted after days of continuous phone calls it's not unusual for us to only get in touch by txt and she is a friend as well as family and we usually support each other in trying times

Oh I see no relation at all then !
Well personally I wouldn’t make too much of it you re going through a difficult time with your dad and this side of the family aren’t even related to you or your dad
I would think you’re at a very sensitive and busy time You, as you say are exhausted and little things become enlarged when you are stressed
As the kids song says…. ‘Let it go’

I think it’s a very strange reply especially as you’re close and she knows your dad too. Does she have form for this sort of thing ?

Nannyof4mummyof2 You say your SiL is a lot older than you. possibly closer to your father's age than your age? It could be a defence mechanism. Acknowledging that he is reaching the end of his life, is a reminder that none of us is mortal and she is nearer her end than she wants to think about.

Don't waste time on negative emotions.

Save all your care for your Dad, he needs you right now.

Absolutely what I was thinking.

Odd response from a family member and very hurtful when you're passing on such serious info. Forget it if you can and try to concentrate on your dad and making his last days as comfortable and happy as possible. SIL is not at all important at the moment you have far more important things to deal with and I wish you the very best. Tale care.

I’d say she’s very insensitive, must be a thing with husbands bothers wives. She sounds exactly like my Dh SiL, I don’t call my sister in law because she too is insensitive. I hope you get to spent time with your dad as he’s the most important person right now

Sorry about your dad.

I see a lot of threads on Mumsnet where there is some mis-communication between a poster and one of their in laws. The advice is always to allow the blood relative to handle the matter and to stay out of it. I think this is wise advice.

I think I'd be offended initially too, but having said that, I wonder if she misread what the emojis actually mean. I've done the same - doesn't help that they're so blooming small!

My advice would be to let it lie, unless she does anything else of a similar vein. You have enough to think about at the moment. I really hope your dad's care is sorted very soon and that you are able to get through such an emotional time without any more upsets. x

In a circumstance like this I think an emoji only response is rude and unfeeling. I'd be hurt myself. She could at least have put a line or two saying than you for letting me know or sorry your dad is so il, with that emoji. People are strange aren't they.

Over the years when I’ve felt offended by people’s actions I’ve tried to go by the statement of
“Keep your side of the street clean” you do the right thing for you because you can’t influence others behaviour. Don’t worry about her. Take care

She just doesn’t want to get involved,doesn’t want to visit him or help you with paper work etc——— unkind but some people avoid any decline in elderlys health

Call her. If the conversation was all by text misunderstandings can happen.

But it’s not her place to queenof she’s not even a relative of any kind she’s a husbands brothers wife noti the least bit related so why should she do paperwork etc nothing to do with her

I have been guilty of giving people a wide berth when they are dealing with their parents' last days. Not meaning to be unhelpful but feeling it's not my place. It's their relative. I may have known them and liked them but it is a time of personal grief.

However in your case this SiL does seem to be behaving strangely.
Give her a ring or ask your DH or his DB why.