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AIBU

AIBU or do I need to move with the times?

(112 Posts)
Sarnia Fri 27-Sept-24 09:17:08

Now that a new school year has begun my youngest GD is pestering to walk to and from school on her own. She is 9 and in Year 5. The Primary school where she is a pupil allows Year 6 students to do this in preparation for transition to secondary school and having more independence. They have now said that Year 5 pupils can do the same. She is very keen to do this. However, I have misgivings. She goes to after school clubs 3 days a week so she doesn't leave school until 4.15pm. In a few weeks the clocks will change and it will be getting dark for her walk home. Her parents don't want her to have a phone yet so how will she get help in a hurry should she have an accident, feel ill or scared if a stranger has approached her? It doesn't bear thinking about. As we GN's know, any comments from us to our children about their parenting usually goes down like a lead balloon. However, as my daughter asked me what I thought, I told her. She was none too pleased and said I was being silly worrying about the worst case scenario but I cannot help it. Why can't children be children?

MissAdventure Mon 30-Sept-24 13:39:53

I think that having a phone might result in them walking blindly along, as adults do, not looking properly where they're going, or taking in their surroundings.

Sleepygran Mon 30-Sept-24 19:58:53

If she is coming to yours then your rules,and you pick her up! If she’s going home then that’s the parents decision.Next year is soon enough.

Drina01 Tue 01-Oct-24 09:17:21

We had this situation last year. Granddaughter was 9 then. The School at a parents/child assembly at the beginning of the year advocated independence at that age and suggested openly walking home. This never sat right with me. Of course the children heard this and demanded they do what the school advocated. It is up to the parents not the school when the time is right for everyone. Granddaughter lives on a busy main trunk road, to avoid part of it means a walk through the park. There’s a playground outside the School they get distracted with etc. We compromised by meeting in the Library below the School. It only takes one moment at that age of misjudgement - they are between being still very childlike and approaching puberty. Schools (in my opinion) should not dictate (or advocate) on issues such as this - each child is an individual with their own set of individual circumstances.

Witzend Tue 01-Oct-24 17:07:34

MissAdventure

I think that having a phone might result in them walking blindly along, as adults do, not looking properly where they're going, or taking in their surroundings.

Exactly, as per my pp!

Margomar Tue 01-Oct-24 17:48:41

I’d say the parents are doing the right thing , my GD is the same age and now walks to school with a friend. I only learned this the other day and was pleased that she is learning to be independent and self reliant. This a a bigger question, but is it possible that the significant rise in anxiety and mental health issues in children is due to them being overprotected in their primary school years? By not being given opportunities to take risks and test themselves they’re not learning about the hard knocks of life!

Granarchist Tue 01-Oct-24 21:37:22

In switzerland children go to school alone from 5 yrs old - everyone looks out for them and it seems to work

Dinahmo Tue 01-Oct-24 22:31:48

When we lived in rural Suffolk one friend would not let her sons go out on their bikes along the country lanes. She was worried about paedophiles lurking behind hedges. The boys were at junior school. I thought that there was more danger from cars speeding along the roads.

One charity called Action Against Abduction estimates that around 50 children under the age of 16 are abducted every year.

I have observed children who are wrapped in cotton wool until they go to secondary school are more likely to become difficult when they reach puberty and are often too strong for parents to deal with. This happened to the friend referred to above.

TinyTina1 Wed 02-Oct-24 10:03:55

Would you have felt like this with your children back in the day? I'm guessing they were outside playing with friends at an early age, as were probably you when you were a child? all without mobile phones. And nobody would have batted an eyelid, so why now?? Theres still the same dangers as back then. Its up to her parents at the end of the day anyway and its good they get independent before going to senior school where she'll certainly need her wits about her then! You could offer to buy her a non-smartphone if you're really bothered but it is up to the parents she is their child ultimately.

ReadyMeals Sat 05-Oct-24 15:48:46

Granarchist

In switzerland children go to school alone from 5 yrs old - everyone looks out for them and it seems to work

In my experience of Switzerland, cars don't go above 10mph as the roads are too steep smile

M0nica Sun 06-Oct-24 19:49:02

I think the problem today is that because so few parents let their children do things alone at a young age, it is very uncommon to see a child under 11 on the street alone that if they are out alone, it does actually put them more at risk.

If it were normal to see younger children outside walking alone on the pavement, perhaps down the road to post something, or visit their friend 10 doors down, or doing errands for their parents at the corner shop, this would be nrmalised and children would be safer.

theworriedwell Sun 06-Oct-24 20:02:53

MOnica I agree with you.