Family not coming for xmas

Can you invite them over on Christmas Eve, maybe on the afternoon, and do a small Christmas themed spread and have a Christmas movie planned to make it special?

Of course you could look on the bright side……

My Grandma always hosted a Christmas lunch on the Sunday before Christmas Day. That meant that her children could have Christmas Day at home with their own families. There was never any acrimony or arguments about whose turn it was to have the family. I do hope you can find a solution. As others suggest, perhaps Christmas Eve might be the answer for this year. Remember, the children are this ladies grandchildren as well as yours.

Posters starting a thread more often than not give more information as the thread goes on, especially if it's about something personal TopGunner.

It's constantly being requested for the OP's subsequent posts to be highlighted but we haven't got that yet. It would certainly be helpful especially when threads have been running for sometime.

V3ra

TopGunner don't beat yourself up about missing the details in a previous post. I remembered reading the earlier reference to "we" but even so I had to search quite closely to find it again!
Welcome to Gransnet 😊

Thank you, that is kind. I have started to read the whole thread before posting my comments then find the original posted has added another post after mine which explains the original post more clearly but it is then too late because I have replied to the post not knowing the full facts.

Please posters, give all the details at the beginning so you will get the correct reply and advice.

I always say our grandchildren, our daughters, our home even though my husband is dead because they are our grandchildren etc. so it does not mean that when someone says our or we that they have a husband or partner.

Will you be alone at Christmas Nana56? I can understand how you may feel hurt by this but the other grandmother deserves to see her family too. I think Christmas causes a lot of upset in some families and it's best to see it as just another day and you can celebrate another time.
Wish them a happy time and make arrangements to see them another day. Don't make your DD feel bad that they are going to her mils.

Nana56 has this thread helped you come to a happy compromise with your family?
I do hope so🎄

When my rowdy lot say they won't be turning-up I breathe a big sigh of relief! I love them but they're all ruddy mad. 🙃

Christmas is a season and the one day is not the end of it.

I want to give DD all gifts for xmas day, but DD thinks anytime over the festivities. I think she is right. Hopefully you can organise a day to see them and share your presents and see the GC opening them. She is no doubt under pressure from all sides and if you can help by going with the flow and being positive then that would be best and I am sure she would appreciate and remember that.

It might help to try not to make this about a competition with the "other" grandparents - that will not help. If you are able to be positive about a visit on another day then hopefully that will make you feel better and be the right thing for all the family.

Make "your" day with them a jolly day that they will al remember happily.

I know I'm being silly - you are not being silly, you are feeling what you are feeling, as we all do, and wisely ranting here rather than causing a family rift! - well done!

Enjoy planning some treats for the day when you see them.

We have had this issue as my eldest child is divorced and his ex has always insisted she has the children on Christmas Day. We had them once before Christmas, did presents on Christmas Eve morning as the children were being collected later that day. Never did it this way again as it just upset me for the actual Christmas Day a feeling compounded when the ex posted 'wonderful' (sarcastic tone) photos of the best Christmas ever of them all + new partner on Facebook!
After that I decided we'd do it our way, so FC still comes to ours on Christmas Eve, leaves the presents under the tree, we Facetime to let them know he's been; then we have our family Christmas Day on the 27th and the kids and our eldest stay over. Its our tradition now and it works well!
I decided that its only a date after all, me and 'Im indoors' have a quiet Christmas Day pleasing ourselves as to what we do, eat, watch etc- relax on Boxing Day while getting sorted for the fun and mayhem to come the following day
Good Luck and hope you get something sorted which suits everyone. Not easy I know.

Oh the emotional baggage of Christmas!
As it falls midweek, if Christmas Eve is out of the question, I would invite them for the Sunday before and have a family “party” that you can all enjoy.
Agree to do it the other way round next year.

We have spent Christmas Day with our son and his family a few times. When we went to their house our DIL family went there also they take turns in each others houses. It was very nice and we enjoyed the day we all get on very well. We have been to our daughters to spend the day with her family and stayed overnight.

The last two years they all made their own arrangements and we stayed at home. At first I felt quite sad at the prospect of being on our own but it turned out really nice. We had our breakfast I did all the prep for our dinner veg wise our meat was cooked. We walked to the village pub had a few drinks met people we had not seen for ages. Walked back home and had our dinner when we felt like no worries. It was so enjoyable we did what we wanted rather than travelling and fitting into others timetables. Our son and daughter visited us before and after Christmas day when they wanted it suited us all.

We share a small part of Xmas day on FaceTime with our grand children when we don’t get to see them.
It’s great watching their faces as they open gifts and seeing them excited. Just a few minutes in the morning wishing each other a merry Xmas. I don’t mind what my adult children choose to do as when my children were small I hated being expected to visit people and never doing what we really wanted. See if you can FaceTime for a few minutes and celebrate another day.

Seems mean to talk about your DD's MIL in this mean way.

We're staying at home and just having Dad to ours for Christmas Day.

Two of our three adult children have good reasons for preferring to stay at home this year, which works better for us anyway.

Just the third one to discuss with, but we'll most likely meet them for a pub meal near their home.

My husband and I are flying to Spain on the 27th for New Year, so I don't really want leftovers, a houseful or overnight guests! 😎

And of course if we always read the whole thread we might pick more up.
I usually read the whole thing but occasionally I'll post having only skimmed through it.

TopGunner don't beat yourself up about missing the details in a previous post. I remembered reading the earlier reference to "we" but even so I had to search quite closely to find it again!
Welcome to Gransnet 😊

Jeanathome

*mabon*......you make me laugh!

Why do people ( women) put themsleves through this?

We 'put ourselves through' in small doses. Only one family (of 4), numbering 16 to 22, per meal. Advent Sundays, each only 2 to 3 hours - done and dusted.

Jeanathome

*mabon*......you make me laugh!

Why do people ( women) put themsleves through this?

Well, I do it because I enjoy it so much. I am not and never have been a Christmas martyr.

mabon......you make me laugh!

Why do people ( women) put themsleves through this?

Allira

TopGunner
On Mumsnet all the OP's posts are highlighted in a different colour so you can see if the OP has posted any updates.

Why can't we have that facility.
And an edit button.

Better still, if posters tell us the whole story instead of the bare minimum when first posting, then perhaps we could reply to it knowing the full details instead of them telling us the bare minimum and then start adding extra information lower down the posts. We reply to that original post on the details we were first given by the poster.

Nana 56, in her first posting, never mentioned if she lived alone or had a husband/partner which then made my reply to her post totally wrong as I thought she lived alone so I did feel sorry for her but knowing she had a husband/partner would have made all the difference in the world to my first reply.

I know I am knew to this forum but it is frustrating when you answer a post only to find later on that there was so much information missing which would have altered our first reply.

Agree with above. Christmas Eve would be a lovely time to see them and give them presents. For the children it would be part of the build up to the excitement of Christmas morning.

As Christmas Day and Boxing Day are midweek this year why not invite them to you on the following Saturday or Sunday and have an extended Christmas. I hope they enjoy their time with the other gran but parting a 2 and 4 year old from their toys to go to a restaurant wouldn’t be my idea of fun.
Believe me over the years you will have to learn to go with the flow or you will be miserable

I understand how you feel Nana. However, i do think you will feel better about it nearer the time. Christmas is such an emotional time due to the pressure put on us to be 'happy families'. The TV adverts and media in general. Just arrange another day to spend together during the week. The children will behave like it is Christmas Day again. You will have a lovely day! Trust me you will feel less upset and cross in a few more days time.

My AC and DGC all live a plane ride away.
Last time I spent Christmas with my DCG was 2009, when they still lived in same village as me
My daughter came over last Christmas, first time in 10 years. It was wonderful
I totally understand they have their own lives in England, it's a nightmare travelling at Christmas, they want to be in their own homes.
Before my 2nd marriage I spent more than one Christmas on my own, I didn't expect my AC to change their plans and either come to me or invite me to theirs.
We don't have children to care for us in our later years or entertain us at Christmas. I blame all the soppy Christmas TV adverts.
One of my Grandson's visited in January some years ago and we had a wonderful Christmas weekend in the middle of January with full Christmas dinner, presents, games etc. We all had a great time
No reason OP can't celebrate with her family a different day