Left alone

I was afraid I might fall on my neighbours steep garden so I feed the cat at my house. I just call him or rattle his munchies.

You are in a very fortunate situation with family so close by and checking on you for most of the year. They cannot be expected to endure being home all year round incase they are needed by you. If you are concerned then you must take a route to ensure you are checked on daily. If you do not wish to feed the cat it is easily done to ask them to make other arrangements. Any of us could fall at any time and we really must have things in place to get help if needed. A mobile phone on your person is a good idea.

Tell them how you feel - scared - and ask them if they can find out if there are any alternatives to a personal alarm. Tell them that feeding the cats is now too much for you.

This actually rattles my cage, so they are expecting you to feed their cats twice a day! What’s wrong with putting the cats in a cattery, they don’t want much do they! It wouldn’t be happening if it was my parents I’d make sure you were looked after, how selfish ! Of course everyone has a right to go away but more thought should be going into having someone to check on you each day!

They must realise that someone needs to be at home over Christmas, my husband is the only child of elderly parents . Dad 95 now , housebound etc, they don't live with us , but very close by . No way we could go away at Christmas, last Christmas our village and theirs ( next to ours) were without water for the whole of Christmas day . Luckily our local petrol station is open Christmas day . We had to go and buy bottles of water and take it round . Otherwise they wouldn't have been able to make a hot drink or boil their veg.

My elderly neighbour has some sort of an alarm round her neck , which is connected to the emergency services. I don’t know whether it’s free or whether there’s a charge. You could contact AgeUK for further details.

Luminance

You are in a very fortunate situation with family so close by and checking on you for most of the year. They cannot be expected to endure being home all year round incase they are needed by you. If you are concerned then you must take a route to ensure you are checked on daily. If you do not wish to feed the cat it is easily done to ask them to make other arrangements. Any of us could fall at any time and we really must have things in place to get help if needed. A mobile phone on your person is a good idea.

Good grief!

The family lives nearby because they're lucky enough to live in the main house which they were given while chicken and her DH, now in their late 80s, live in a converted outbuilding!

The cats can either come over to get fed, the DD arrange to have someone come over to feed them or they can go in a cattery.
Or catch mice.

There are watches tgat will register if you have a fall, and alert emergency numbers, and will respond to you (texting you to ask if you need assistance) and summoning assistance

Are you expected to clean the litter tray (s) also? What happens if a cat becomes unwell and needs veterinary treatment?

You need to let them know asap because catteries fill up very quickly over the Christmas period.

This is more than asking to feed the cats

Who can you call if you or your husband need assistance?

I would start thinking about more robust care plans for the future

No I don't think you are expecting too much. Your family should have some regard for your safety. Maybe this is a wild idea, but what do you think of booking in somewhere for Christmas yourselves, a hotel, guest house or care home where you can be looked after and have a relaxed Christmas?

Your AC might want to pay for a carer for 30 minutes a day, both to check up on you and make a cuppa, again part of checking up on you both plus maybe feed the cats.

It sounds OP like this is their responsibility to do. You endangering yourself when venturing outside on possible ice is not on when there’s two of you to care for.

Certainly call to the cats, they will come to you if they are hungry.

Get a mobile phone each, ours have a light that flashes when a call comes through as we don’t always hear it, but you must keep it close to hand or on your person at all times.

Bearing in mind the awful weather we are having I think you need to organise someone to call in to you at least twice a day to check up on you, maybe someone locally could be paid to do this for you, also to make sure you have the necessities and don’t run out of basic food items. If there are power cuts you will need extra help.

Better still book yourselves into a hotel and let your family sort the cats out.

crazyH

My elderly neighbour has some sort of an alarm round her neck , which is connected to the emergency services. I don’t know whether it’s free or whether there’s a charge. You could contact AgeUK for further details.

Chicken has already said that alarm pendants don’t work, so I’d think the mobile phone is a good idea, or my Alexa is set up to contact my nearest son should I fall.
Please don’t stress about the cats, simply say you won’t be able to attend to them, and let them make other arrangements.

Carers and their families need to look after themselves and keep healthy, and the cared for need support when the regular carers are away. It is not unreasonable for the family carers to have a break from their caring duties but this should also have been discussed and alternative care or support organised so that everyone is happy with the plans put in place.

I presume there is not another adult child or relative who can be on call ro assist if needed.
The cat care needs to be arranged so the OP is not worried she will be put at risk.Will DD or other responsible person be phoning or checking on the OP each day? Who will the OP contact if she needs help- all this needs to be thought about in advance.

They sound very selfish I take it they all moved into what was your original home and probably don't even have a mortgage thanks to you and your husband.

I am prone to falling, so I bought a wallet style phone cover which has a hole in which I attach a lanyard with a clip and wear it around my neck in case I fall so then can ring someone for assistance

For my cat, I have a double feeding bowl in which each side opens on a timed basis. It's battery operated and very easy. You'd only need to go in once a day if you use one of those. (Or two of them if two cats).

I can see it's reasonable for the family to want to get away for a holiday all together but they should organise carers to come in once or twice a day.

I suspect that as you seen to be coping they have not given the situation much thought, if any. You are mum, you cope.
Sit them down and say you are feeling anxious about this and are wondering what to do, maybe show them your post. Have not looked back at it, might not be a good idea.

You are being reasonable.

It is not too late to advertise in local press for a live in or part time carer for you and the cats. The work sounds easy, and maybe you could pay well enough to tempt a good quality carer whom you like to come in for the required period.

It is usual to pay double time for Xmas day even when the work is easy.

I understand you feel hurt.
It's unlikely the offspring mean to be uncaring and most likely they haven't a clue about needs of aged parents.

You or someone else should speak to them about these needs that you have. Can you do so? I would think part of an unwritten contract between you and your offspring is that they will give attentions to you in exchange for the house.

I don’t think you are being in any way unreasonable, I think your immediate family are being incredibly thoughtless
Particularly when you’ve “given” half your home to them.

Write a list of your concerns, then sit with them and a cuppa tea and explain how you feel and your worries.

Good luck and best wishes.

I feel this is very, very selfish of them all.
Personally I'd be doing all I could to include you and look after you, especially at Christmas!
I've repeatedly asked my elderly parents (both living in different counties) to move nearer me and live with us / share accommodation for the very reason of pulling together and looking after eachother.
My dad has an awful lot of money, both in houses and in the bank and although is 80....has refused to set up home with me and the children and doesn't want to move near to us.
I rent and work as a nurse and the kids are lovely humans...we are quiet and thoughtful, none of us smoke and we don't have huge crowds of friends...my hobbies are cooking, gardening and garden centres ....ideal for nurturing a family yet he hasn't wanted to engage with me.
Despite this,EVERY year I host one or the other, often causing issues with my then partner and always at the expense of a simple couple of days which actually would be of great benefit to me.
I am in the process of encouraging my mum and step dad, one with mobility issues and one with dementia...to share a house with me (they would put in several 100k and I'd have a mortgage for my part ) so that I can look after them as the age.
I will willingly do this even though id wanted to.go and work in Australia..which I won't ever be able to do now.
I am horrified that your family are so selfish. I'm so sorry to say this but it's how I feel.
They could have, at the very least, discussed this with you and looked at options around the cats etc let alone what you guys will do on Christmas day etc.
Perhaps they haven't given you any thought. Please talk to them x

If it were me I would take matters into my own hands and arrange help, and would definitely make efforts to ensure I didnt fall out with my family over this. My Mum lived alone in an isolated house, a long distance from family, and arranged for a company called CareCalls to ring her three times a day all year round on the land line. She liked the routine of the calls and she knew if they didnt get a reply after ringing twice they would contact a pre-arranged list of family and friends. She didnt tell us until after it was all set up, but it turned out to be peace of mind for us too. I think they also do in person visits. When we go away we have a local company to feed the cats and its not expensive but they do get booked up over public holidays.

Cossy

I don’t think you are being in any way unreasonable, I think your immediate family are being incredibly thoughtless
Particularly when you’ve “given” half your home to them.

Write a list of your concerns, then sit with them and a cuppa tea and explain how you feel and your worries.

Good luck and best wishes.

They've actually given the whole of the large house to them.. GD and husband live in one half, DD and husband live in the other half.. and they live in a converted outhouse.. It defies belief that they can all leave them alone and head off for a long holiday