I can’t stop thinking about

You told me you didn't want anything in particular. Next time tell him exactly what you want. Why are you cross?

Some good advice here - he does not see it in the way you do, and he did not mean to hurt you, just could not see the point of giving something you did not really want. For you a gift has a different meaning - it means he thought of you and wanted to make you happy. But it does not mean that to him. I guess he wants to be a good husband and this is causing you unnecessary pain - so if you can accept that he did not mean to hurt you, and let it go, you and he will both be happier.

The opening sentence says it all really.

DH has bought some inappropriate presents during our lifelong relationship - too many to list here.

I see on the other thread started 30 December 2024, OP wrote:

My DH has always been useless at presents. Even when he asked me to specify exactly what I would like, he would buy something similar but not quite the same, usually cheaper.

Poor bloke is probably terrified of not getting it right so this year he did nothing.

I suspect had he bought a box of chocolates, it would probably have been the “wrong” kind.

I agree with Bluebelle. Some people do take things literally. No wonder people who are neurodiverse find it hard to navigate the world when people don’t say what they really mean.

Quizzer

DH has bought some inappropriate presents during our lifelong relationship - too many to list here.
However, at my son’s last Christmas, everyone was opening presents from their partners when I realised that I had nothing from DH.
Later he said “well, you said there was nothing you particularly wanted”. How could he not even buy chocolates or something? By the way he doesn’t buy, or get involved with presents for anyone else. We are not hard up. He doesn’t me begrudge spending money on family presents but says I am too fussy.

Every time gifts are mentioned by anyone I just feel like crying and he seems totally unaware that I am upset.

Well tell him then! I don’t pussyfoot around my husband over gifts. If there is something I would like I tell him straight that I would like it for my birthday or Xmas. He does the same for me. If I say there is nothing I want then he won’t bother or he might pick up a bunch of flowers. Men are not mind readers no matter how long you are married. They just need you to explain what it is you want or need.

Nanicky

Go and treat yourself to something really nice, and enjoy. Ask him for money for next present, and spend it when you want to. I always have the money, never disappointed then. 😊

I understand how you were disappointed when you didn’t have a present to open and I think your DH should have bought you something you could open in front of everyone. I bet no one noticed except you.

A box of chocolates, a book or two like my DH got me because he couldn’t think of anything else. A bottle of gin, a pair of gloves just something, anything.

Next Christmas ask him for a big fat cheque. I got one with the books but not that fat.

Let it go or let him know why you are/were so upset, poor man has suffered enough.

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Blimey!
That's unnecessarily harsh.

We've not bought each other presents for years (in our 70s).
Hurt at first but used to it now. We don't need or want anything

If you read Cabbie’s posts you will know that she is a kind and caring person, by no means ‘a nasty piece of work’. She is certainly not bitter and twisted and she didn’t throw the gift back in her daughter in law’s face. What a horrible post. I would report you but I think it’s better that people see you for what you are. How appalling to wish that someone is denied access to their grandchildren. I am disgusted.

As others have said let it go , move on. DH and I agreed years ago not to buy presents for each other, no problem when surrounded by family on Christmas Day and nothing to open from him. We far prefer to treat ourselves to a short break, theatre trip , lavish meal etc. than an unwanted gift.

You’re bound to be upset and you are obviously dwelling on it. It is very hurtful- my husband did the same to me one year and I felt unloved and that he felt so little about my feelings. Yes I had enough money to buy myself what I wanted but it was the lack of thought that hurt me ( not annoyed). I did tell him how I felt -can’t remember when though but I had to get it off my chest as the resentment was growing.
Next year make a list of all the things you would be happy to receive. That way it’ll be a surprise as you won’t know what you’re getting and it’ll make life easier for him too - hopefully this will be the only year that you’ll be hurt.

Well that’s what he thinks of you then. I
Don’t know why women put up this - communicate your upset to him? If he ignores it you know his feelings. Leave.

Your DH is using commonsense. You don't indicate what you would like as a gift so why would he buy something you may not like. I couldn't give a second thought to not receiving a gift, especially at Christmas as for me it's all about Santa and children. Us adults have outgrown all the palaver of gift giving for giving sake. Ho abd treat yourself to something you feel he should have bought for you if you need a "gift".

Go and treat ......

A colleague of mine,when we were talking about our Christmas presents, informed us that her hubby had bought her a b…….
frying pan! They were very well off and gadded about all over the World.I found it very funny and ,actually,so did she !

Oohlookatyou

Well that’s what he thinks of you then. I
Don’t know why women put up this - communicate your upset to him? If he ignores it you know his feelings. Leave.

That’s rather extreme! The OP has been with her husband long enough to know that he’s not good at choosing presents. When she says there’s nothing she wants he takes her at her word. Entirely her fault. Escalating this to LTB is just plain ridiculous.

Am I the only person who thinks that the OP's husband should really make an effort after all this time?

Is he someone who takes things literally and can’t read between the lines? Why did you say there was nothing you particularly wanted?

My husband is exactly the same, we have a comfortable life but he has no idea about gifts. I could’ve been upset about it but I am not backward at coming forward. This Christmas I bought all the books that I wanted and gave them to him and told him to wrap them up for me, I did the same with other bits and bobs that I wanted. I will take him into a shop and tell him which item I want and he then buys it. I have learnt to live with the fact I will never have a surprise but I do make sure that he buys me what I want. I must add that I do always buy him things so it isn’t as bad as it probably sounds. I think OP needs to take the bull by the horns and show him exactly what she would like. Good luck

My DH is inclined to say near my birthday "Buy something you would like, and I'll pay for it". So I've had some things from him I've really appreciated. However, one year he deviated from his usual custom. I bought myself a nice fountain pen as I really enjoy writing with a good one. Before I could tell him, our kids turned up with a very nice jigsaw puzzle which he had thought to ask them to get for me from him!!
Christmas, we do things a little differently. We buy ourselves something we both want but don't actually need - a boxed set of DVDs for example. It works for us, and, best of all, neither of us gets upset!!

As an aside, he NEVER gets me flowers for Valentine's Day! He knows better as I have too many perfume allergies. He knows if he buys me roses, the worst perfume, then I'm filing for divorce 🤣🤣

Like all things in a marriage, it is about communication. Think about how you would like it to be in your marriage. Be realistic as you know from experience that he won't get it right! It sounds like he needs a definitive list with URLs which direct him to the actual thing you want, a voucher from the place you want it or to buy your own gift with his money. Don't spend your life wishing him to be something he isn't. If the rest of your marriage is good, take the best option you can get from the man you married.

I think the whole gift buying idea has been done to death. Maybe it's an age thing but both me & my other half are stumped for ideas what to buy for each other and we've decided it's because of internet shopping and being able to buy what we want when we we want. Money is tighter now so we're back to 'can we afford it'.

If money isn't an issue for you both it could just be down to apathy, frustration or just can't be bothered because he knows he disappoints you no matter what - if you're vocal about it too he'll be dreading every occasion and doesn't want the earache.

My husband (now ex of 20 years) bought me gold jewellery from our local jewellers every year and I still have all of it - simply because he chose it, I liked it and it meant something to me (he'd obviously spent time looking to get it right). The only other thing he gave me was our daughter - the most precious gift of all - he made my life hell thereafter and he's emotionally abused our daughter at every opportunity since she was 4 years old despite family court interventions to protect her, and our unwavering support throughout. No divorce even after 25 years of marriage, no pension share - that's my punishment but it just shows what a narcissist abuser is like. It was always there (in hindsight) but I supported his 'victim' stance unknowingly until he got me well and truly trapped in his web of hell.

Be careful what you wish for but also be honest with yourself because marriages sometimes run their course and become unbearable.

Only just read this thread and saw that someone said something horrible about Cabbie . She is a kind and loving person even though going through the grief of her husband dieing she is always here for others . Shame on the person who wrote anything horrible about her .

This isn't an unkind question but Quizzer do you love your husband and have you been married a long time ? If the answer is yes then be grateful you still have him to love and be loved in return. Presents are things it's people that count .

Today is the 21st anniversary of my husband's death he was 47 and he brought me the most weird things over the years but it didn't matter as they where from him . Presents never bothered me it's time spent together I valued more . He didn't buy me flowers very often as we had a running joke if he brought me flowers he was having an affair. In the 29 years we had together and married 22 I can count on my hand how many times he brought me flowers. I even brought my own wedding ring as he didn't have the money spare to buy it.

Presents don't last forever but people do even when they die they live on in your heart and mind .

A box of chocs, a book, nice pj’s, fluffy socks, a puzzle book, hand cream, - what’s so hard! I must be easy to buy for, nothing expensive but all the things I love.

I do the same for him as it’s nice to have a few gifts to open on Christmas morning.

My other half hardly ever buys on special occasions,, so to solve this,, I buy a pandora charm (kids bought me bracelet) wrap it up, put away forget about it till special occasion,,,, get
money from partner,, put gift out say, oh thank you ,,what a lovely thought ,
Red face from him,,happy bunny me lol