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AIBU

I can’t stop thinking about

(84 Posts)
Quizzer Tue 04-Feb-25 15:19:00

DH has bought some inappropriate presents during our lifelong relationship - too many to list here.
However, at my son’s last Christmas, everyone was opening presents from their partners when I realised that I had nothing from DH.
Later he said “well, you said there was nothing you particularly wanted”. How could he not even buy chocolates or something? By the way he doesn’t buy, or get involved with presents for anyone else. We are not hard up. He doesn’t me begrudge spending money on family presents but says I am too fussy.

Every time gifts are mentioned by anyone I just feel like crying and he seems totally unaware that I am upset.

Tanjamaltija Fri 07-Feb-25 10:44:46

Tell him you don't want anything in particular BUT....... would be nice. This way, he cannot say you didn't mention anything.

Sarahr Tue 11-Feb-25 21:38:50

I explained to DH how sad I feel not having a present to open. It happened so often in my first marriage, seeing everyone opening lots of presents and being too polite to ask why I hadn't got even one.
So far I have had a variety of small gifts to open; bar of chocolate or a packet of seeds for the garden, it matters not, it's just having something to open. So far he's managed well, making sure he buys me chocolates that he likes too. I now write a list throughout the year on the back of the calendar anything I might like, just to give him a few ideas.

DiamondLily Thu 13-Feb-25 17:48:26

A subscription for regular flowers, as someone suggested, sounds good.

Lydie45 Sun 16-Feb-25 16:09:31

We got over this problem by writing a list of things we would like including pictures or links. My only problem was my husband would, if I let him, buy everything on my list. I would have to make him promise not to and set a budget. It worked very well.

NonGrannyMoll Sun 16-Feb-25 16:57:40

My DH prefers to give me presents off-the-cuff (he's worried about giving me something I won't like) and we agreed long ago to not exchange gifts at Christmas. I received some beautiful flowers last week because he thought I'd love some pre-spring colour in the house (I do). I have to be careful what I say when walking past a shop, because I can find myself being propelled inside to pick out whatever it was that interested me. Some time ago, I commented on a new chocolate bar being advertised on tv. The next day I arrived home from work to find a notice on the front door: "Treasure hunt inside". Eventually I found a choc bar inside an empty vase. "got it!" I shouted. He replied, "Well, you've got one of them." An evening of hilarity ensued as I scoured the house from top to bottom, finding a total of 8 bars. I'd sooner have my daft old man than anyone else on earth, Christmas gifts or not.

OldFrill Sun 16-Feb-25 17:28:55

This is fabulous!

creakingandchronic Tue 18-Feb-25 13:09:37

snap got the same
it hurts it really hurts

Sesquipedalian Wed 26-Feb-25 17:08:09

OP, people are very different when it comes to presents. My family was always big in presents; my DH not so much. I know he loves me and cares about me, and I also know that he finds it difficult to buy me presents, so these days, I let him know what I would like - eg, earrings - and send a link to three pairs that I like and he chooses one of them. That way, there’s the element of surprise and he knows he’s getting me something I’d like. Men are not mind readers, OP - if you are still upset, you need to let him know. You think he doesn’t care because you said you didn’t want anything; from his point of view, he knows he’s got it wrong in the past, and if you said you didn’t particularly want anything, he interpreted that as you didn’t want a present. So next time, make it clear that you want something, and drop some heavy hints - or plain ask outright for what you’d like. But let him know - if you say you don’t want anything, if he is a literal minded sort of fellow, he’ll take you at your word!