In the run up to the birth of our grandchild a couple of names were suggested which we liked, but at the last minute my daughter, at a family lunch out, announced a new name "Troy"as her final choice.
In surprise I said that it wasn't a family name on either side and a bit out there, she flew into a rage saying she loved it and I was ruining her pleasure in the name. To avoid upset we said the we hoped the baby would be ok and that was everything never mind the name.
She got her phone out and showed us pictures of a couple who had called their son the same name. Obviously she admired their car, clothes, and seemingly endless plastic surgery and terrible eyebrows. Although she's 40 she's always been a bit superficial.
When he was born we suggested maybe a family name as a middle name? This was rejected by text. We tried for a nickname and received anger. Now 6 months on relations are strained with cancelled visits and not wanting us around.
It has also emerged that other relatives knew her choice of name long before she announced it so publicly to us. "But it always was going to be...." This is very hurtful for us. We have an older grandchild and were much more involved in her upbringing. She had my mother's middle name and a more mainstream first name. I feel we have been played and an understandable surprised reaction used to take offence because we are simply surplus to requirements.
I always say how lovely to any name, grandchild or any other child. I might struggle with my expression if they said Adolf middle name Hitler.
Just one more thought - think about what the negatives are that you associate with 'Troy'. Name of a Stingray puppet? Too American? Maybe find out more about the city of Troy in Greek mythology (real or mythical - not sure), and try to see the name in a different light?
Sorry, but while reading this I've started singing Stingray! Maybe if it's a girl next it'll be Marina. Singing that one now lol.
Oh, for goodness sake, it is the parents choice and nowt to do with you. Fancy falling out over a child's name, you must be crackers.
More than forty years ago, I was that new mother. We chose to call our little boy by a traditional Scottish name that wasn't often used at the time, but gave him a family name as a middle name to give him a choice in case he didn't like it.
My father was outraged "I'm not calling him that!" he said. Ok, we said - use his middle name, if you want.
What happened? My old man came out of the huff and eventually used the chosen name because that's what DS was called. Nowadays, it's a very popular name for boys, with one in every primary school class, it seems.
Why not just accept your DD's choice. You may find Troy's name suits him well.
Fashions in names change all the time. I have a really unusual first name. Thank goodness I wasn’t given a family name they were all ‘dated’ at the time and to be honest, downright awful!
First and foremost let me say I do not believe it’s easy being a grandparent. And I think it’s a challenge with daughters.
It isn’t that we should never have opinions and suggestions and that what we think and say doesn’t matter because it does. What’s important I think being a grandmother now with a 15 month old of my daughters I have learned to support her opinions her suggestions her choices even if I don’t agree. I counsel myself in that the relationship that I have with my daughter is most important. I take a backseat support her opinions support her choices and constantly tell her I love her and that she should take care of herself and that I am here should she need me. Having said all of that I do not always agree that is very true-I have feelings and those feelings can be hurt but again I remind myself that this is her life and that I want the relationship to be strong that comes first for me.
Personally I think you should sit with your daughter by yourself and apologize even though you still possibly don’t agree with the name this will be you taking a higher ground. You can do this you truly can because I’ve done this and if I can you can😊
Don’t be too hard on yourself you are human after all!
Get over it. Their child, their choice.
Grandmabatty
You were completely in the wrong to criticise her name choices. The best thing you can do is apologise and keep your lips firmly shut.
I sgree 100% ..
Sometimes it is best to compliment verses adding fuel to the fire !!!!!!!!!!!
I always thought my daughter would name my grandson after her dear late father.
I was mistaken there.
She didn’t use his Christian name as his main name but incorporated it as one of his middle names.
I’m quite used to his name now, obviously, but pleased her father wasn’t left out completely.
On the surface, your daughter's reaction does seem a little extreme, but if you have been this interfering over the baby's name, which, as others have said, is the choice of the parents and not the grandparents, have you been equally interfering in other areas of her life? Your comment about her being rather superficial make you sound as if you don't really see her as an adult in her own right even at forty. Your whole post comes across as Mother Knows Best. If l am wrong then I apologise and, of course, l am sorry that it has come to this, but there are times when we all need to acknowledge when we are at fault and to me this fallout over the baby's name sounds like the straw which has broken the camel's back.
Put up and shut up. Have you interfered in other aspects of her life? and then to criticise her choice of name fgs was the final straw. No wonder she didn’t tell you straightaway. Unless you alter your attitude you are in danger of losing your dd completely. Be grateful that you have a beautiful healthy gs. “You hope the baby is Ok” - What a lukewarm response. Allow your dd to be, accept her as she is and love that gs whatever you think of his name.
I tried using my late father's name for my DS and DM hated the idea. So I didn't because I didn't want to distress her. He has a quite different name now but has called his own son after the DGF he never met, as a middle name.
Just hope that the surname isn’t Rogers!
I taught a boy named Troy Rogers many moons ago.
No business for GP to interfere with naming of grandchildren. Totally out of order !
Someone up-thread mentioned she wouldn’t mind any name except ‘Adolf’ etc.
Never in a million years will in understand why my friend was named Adolf. He was born in 1945 . And no, they were not Nazis. Just a lovely, ordinary Catholic family. The mind boggles
Susieq62
Just hope that the surname isn’t Rogers!
I taught a boy named Troy Rogers many moons ago.
No business for GP to interfere with naming of grandchildren. Totally out of order !
Well, I keep saying that but I'm no wiser 🤔
The photo of plastic people with bad eyebrows, second name wasn't tempest was it??
Allira
Roy Rogers ring a bell ? Cowboy actor?
Susieq62
Allira
Roy Rogers ring a bell ? Cowboy actor?
Oh, yes 😁
Perhaps his parents were too young to know that.
I've heard worse - some really very strange combinations!
I'm sad that I don't have the relationship with my only gd as I would like. She is being raised in an unusual way but I have accepted that it's my dd's choice and I am better off on the bus and keeping my own council than off the bus crying at the wayside.
The inclusion or exclusion of family names can be a bit of a hot potato. But don't let this spat spoil your relationship and bonding with your grandchild. A name is just a name unless it is likely to be a a source of awkwardness or embarrassment for the child.
I agree with whiff 🤨
I’m afraid I’m with your daughter on this matter her child her choice. As my brothers and I were all named after family members, some of whom we came to dislike, I always said my children would not be named after a family member. Having said that my eldest boy’s name is a combination of his dad’s first and middle name. My other two boys were given names we both liked and my daughter’s name is a version of my own, but not an exact copy.
Never criticise their choices. Apologise and have something wonderful made and personalised with his lovely name ( try Etsy).
It is their baby and their choice .
I suggest that you say nothing .
It only causes offence .
People suppress laughter when I tell them my grandson's name .
One of my friends made a joke about the name as she misheard it and my son went berserk when my father told him and shouted at me .
Being a grandparent is like walking on eggshells these days .
It's don't call us we'll call you when they want you to babysit or a cash gift .
I am disappointed and
I am sick and tired of it .
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