My daughter has excluded me because I did not like the name she chose for her new baby.

It might be that the baby name issue was not the first irritant between you both but one of a whole pile up.

When you had your children what were your thoughts on others interfering in the naming of them?
I bet you were of the opinion that they should just butt out, which is exactly what you should have done in the naming of your DAUGHTERS CHILD!!!

Absolutely, NotSpaghetti. Our daughter was four days old before we could settle on a name. She just didn’t fit the name we originally chose. It’s very hard to choose a name, especially as it has to be suitable for whole of their lives. There are some lovely names about but you have to visualise how it would be for the person when they are in their fifties and above. I have always felt sorry for girls called Wendy. I just can’t see a sixty year old called that!

Crossstitchfan

Absolutely, NotSpaghetti. Our daughter was four days old before we could settle on a name. She just didn’t fit the name we originally chose. It’s very hard to choose a name, especially as it has to be suitable for whole of their lives. There are some lovely names about but you have to visualise how it would be for the person when they are in their fifties and above. I have always felt sorry for girls called Wendy. I just can’t see a sixty year old called that!

I changed my mind about five minutes after DD1 arrived, she just didn't suit the name we'd chosen. The midwife asked if she had a name and it just popped up from nowhere. DH was a bit surprised but obviously agreed.

I have a lovely friend called Wendy, in her 80s 🙂

Allira I know a lovely Wendy in her 80s as well. She is a lovely smiley person.

Wendy, in her late 70's is the lovely, helpful Chairman of our Residents Association.

theworriedwell

Allira I know a lovely Wendy in her 80s as well. She is a lovely smiley person.

Mind you, a girl called Wendy stole my first boyfriend from me, they're not all lovely.
She's older than me so must be 80 or more now!

I've only known the one Wendy but I guess they are likely to be a mixed bunch like everyone else.

I’m sorry but honestly the only way to be on good terms with adult children is to treat them as you would any other adult! I mean do not critisize, argue, pester or make demands. They are not yours now. You guided them and looked after them taught them all you could. That’s it! You have had your chance. Do you want them to find you irritating and fall out with you? Do you want to be able to be close to your grandchildren? Yes of course you do so be pleasant. I don’t mean be a door mat but just put yourself in their shoes and think about how you would like to be treated.

Imagine you are driving down the motorway and a car in front suddenly changes lanes with no signal. You would be surprised, ok. ? Well that's what we were at that lunch. For months it had been a couple of very different names and now it was all change. When people change lanes minus a signal others react because they have not had time to consider the matter fully. Just think about how you would swear at the person who almost caused a pile up. The metaphor is about lack of consideration, misjudging situations. By the way we were asked for our opinion about names right at the start of this fiasco.
We are now all fine. Some people who responded to my post should absolutely never under any circumstances consider taking up counselling.

Well, DC1 was Herbert most of the way through the pregnancy.

Just as well she was a girl.

You didn’t ask for counselling, you asked “Am I being unreasonable?” and the overwhelming response was Yes.
And you didn’t like it, so be it.
Your motorway analogy does not work because, to continue the analogy, you are not driving on that motorway but perhaps on a bridge over it or the opposite carriageway.
It was not your business to either criticise the parents’ choice or take the huff because your suggestions were rejected.
What you described in your OP was not a momentary kneejerk reaction, as you clearly felt the name was unsuitable when you described it here.
I hate the expression but “suck it up”.

AmberGreen We are now all fine.

Lovely.

Easy lesson, keep opinions to oneself and give no advice.

15th March:
Now 6 months on relations are strained with cancelled visits and not wanting us around.

28th March
We are now all fine.

That was quick! Did you have counselling?

RosieandherMaw

You didn’t ask for counselling, you asked “Am I being unreasonable?” and the overwhelming response was Yes.
And you didn’t like it, so be it.
Your motorway analogy does not work because, to continue the analogy, you are not driving on that motorway but perhaps on a bridge over it or the opposite carriageway.
It was not your business to either criticise the parents’ choice or take the huff because your suggestions were rejected.
What you described in your OP was not a momentary kneejerk reaction, as you clearly felt the name was unsuitable when you described it here.
I hate the expression but “suck it up”.

This.

Obviously she admired their car, clothes, and seemingly endless plastic surgery and terrible eyebrows. Although she's 40 she's always been a bit superficial.

Hope your DD doesn't see this post otherwise you'll be back in the Doghouse.

Allira

^Obviously she admired their car, clothes, and seemingly endless plastic surgery and terrible eyebrows. Although she's 40 she's always been a bit superficial.^

Hope your DD doesn't see this post otherwise you'll be back in the Doghouse.

Agreed.

I doubt anyone would forgive such, nor should they.

Although I wouldn't mind a bit of plastic surgery myself.
An eye lift?

Oooh, I would have loved to have been a counsellor except I'd have been sacked within 10 mins due to my lack of empathy with whingers & moaners

JdotJ

Oooh, I would have loved to have been a counsellor except I'd have been sacked within 10 mins due to my lack of empathy with whingers & moaners

I knew I couldn't do that as I'd absorb everyone's angst and despair and end up needing counselling myself.

RosieandherMaw

You didn’t ask for counselling, you asked “Am I being unreasonable?” and the overwhelming response was Yes.
And you didn’t like it, so be it.
Your motorway analogy does not work because, to continue the analogy, you are not driving on that motorway but perhaps on a bridge over it or the opposite carriageway.
It was not your business to either criticise the parents’ choice or take the huff because your suggestions were rejected.
What you described in your OP was not a momentary kneejerk reaction, as you clearly felt the name was unsuitable when you described it here.
I hate the expression but “suck it up”.

Exactly this

I'm glad you are all fine now AmberGreen .

AmberGreen

Imagine you are driving down the motorway and a car in front suddenly changes lanes with no signal. You would be surprised, ok. ? Well that's what we were at that lunch. For months it had been a couple of very different names and now it was all change. When people change lanes minus a signal others react because they have not had time to consider the matter fully. Just think about how you would swear at the person who almost caused a pile up. The metaphor is about lack of consideration, misjudging situations. By the way we were asked for our opinion about names right at the start of this fiasco.
We are now all fine. Some people who responded to my post should absolutely never under any circumstances consider taking up counselling.

This is all very dramatic. Your reaction to the name change was over the top. The difference between it and your analogy here is that one warrants a jarred response and one doesn’t. Guess which one wasn’t serious enough for a dramatic response?

Glad you and your daughter are on better terms. Nothing is more foolish than a family rift over controlling behaviour. May you enjoy that your new grandchild and embrace your role as support, not decision-maker.

"We suggested"/"we tried". No wonder relations are strained. It is their choice what to name their child not yours. Talk about overstepping the mark. You are the grandparent not the parent. Absolutely nothing to do with you. I would never have even mentioned names to my son and DIL. I brought my son up well enough to know he would choose well.

Your daughter didn't 'exclude' you because you didn't like her child's name. She 'excluded' you because you made your feelings clear, when you should have just kept quiet. Anyway, you're "all fine" now, so that's ok.