Granddaughter getting married in California (OC), budget decisions

Leave alone. It is their wedding. If you can afford it; go, if not ask them to live stream. You haven't mentioned her parents in your post, and what they think?
This is just what think; you are lower down the pecking order than you realise.

Sorry- I just realised they have asked you to contribute to the wedding? I wouldn't, pure and simple. My contribution would be the travel expenses to be there, and a gift from the wedding list...

Do they know you are gifting a sum to them?

It is their wedding day, not yours. Keep your concerns to yourself.

Also, 150 people there could be $20,000 in food/wine.

Sorry if I wasn't clear, they didn't ask us to participate - we promised we would. The plan is to talk in detail once we visit this summer.

Now, I am not sure what the rest of the family thinks; my son and his wife are away this month (they have a family business), we didn't get to talk much due to time difference.

We are all to meet in California sometime in July. These are just the ideas the kids shared with us.

This is advertising, don’t be sucked in.

This is my main concern, it is their wedding day after all. Thank you.

NotSpaghetti

Do they know you are gifting a sum to them?

They don't know how much, but yes, they do.

When my daughter got married I gave them a generous budget to be spent how they liked ( on the wedding or on a car) and they paid for anything over the budget if they chose to have a very expensive wedding. Their day, their choice, my money!

Sago

This is advertising, don’t be sucked in.

Yes I think so too. Selling the place in the link.

Sago

This is advertising, don’t be sucked in.

This was my first thought.

Sarnia

It is their wedding day, not yours. Keep your concerns to yourself.

You are always SO rude and abrupt! Can’t you ever be kind? If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all (unless it’s in response to a post like yours)!

To everyone participating, thank you so much, I really appreciate it.

To you saying I'm here to advertise, I can't prove you wrong, all I'll say is - links are shared here and I explained why I shared this one.

foxie48

When my daughter got married I gave them a generous budget to be spent how they liked ( on the wedding or on a car) and they paid for anything over the budget if they chose to have a very expensive wedding. Their day, their choice, my money!

Thanks for sharing, I am leaning towards this way of thinking. Actually, that's basically how I feel. I just see some bad times coming and am concerned about their future.

I think those of us who haven't planned a wedding in years have no idea the cost of these things if the couple want all the bells and whistles.

Also, my son and wife didn't want a venue where their friends had been married.
I think this is pretty common.

If the $40,000 includes everything I expect it's pretty normal in Orange county for 150 people.
Just eating out in somewhere lovely is an arm and a leg there it seems to me... and weddings are a huge industry!

Just a quick Google brings this up:
Average wedding cost in Orange CA with 100 to 150 guests is between $33,631 and $41,105

wedding.report/index.cfm/action/wedding_cost.estimate/budgetid/554655EC-B83E-4609-8B1B7AE0EF07071D#:~:text=Average%20wedding%20cost%20in%20Orange,is%20between%20%2433%2C631%20and%20%2441%2C105

I don't think this is advertising BTW (for those of you who are suspicious of anything). The OP has posted before you know!

You need to be certain that you are comparing like with like. If the £40K includes everything then that may not be unreasonable.

The link you posted seems to be venue hire only and doesn't include seem to include caterers, serving staff, table decorations, services charges and tips, entertainment etc

The link you posted requires you to use one of the venue's approved outside caterers for the wedding. You are not allowed to organise your own food and drink - the catering cost and staff will significantly add to the bill

Some places quote you a price for using the venue for 4 to 5 hours so if you want more time - wedding, photos, dinner and dancing etc that take you over this time will cost extra.

I'd be happy, not concerned. Their wedding, their choices.

I understand how you feel. To me expensive weddings are a terrible waste for just one day, but they seem to need to out- wedding the other weddings of their friends.
Your gd parents and his parents for that matter, ought to be the first call for £££ before they look to you.
Dont offer too much because it will be difficult to reduce if need be, better offer less and increase if you choose nearer the time.
I am assuming you are in the US, just a distance away. Otherwise you will have heavy travel costs to add to everything else,

Sago

This is advertising, don’t be sucked in.

Not the first time the OP has contributed to Gransnet.

I forgot to say, liamsunsunnix that my son and daughter-in-law also looked at venues in and near to Orange County as they have their home there (though currently living elsewhere). The "nicer" venues were an amazing price - some charging $350 a guest.

My suggestion was to try to avoid a Saturday wedding if they wanted to reduce costs a bit because it would give people who were a bit further out of the family/close friendship group a chance to say "sorry I'm working" and close family and friends would happily take the day off.

They chose a Friday in the end -a sort of half-way price - but they decided on a UK stately-home type wedding which was so lovely for us as my (then) 99 year old mother-in-law could attend without the stress of flying for 11 hours!

Regarding gifts of money - we transferred what we felt able to give and they decided how to spend it.
... they chose to spend a lot as it happens.
I'm glad I don't know where (most of it) went as I'm sure I would have gritted my teeth somewhat!

Things tend to be done differently in the States. I've been to a few occasions over the years as my eldest DD lives there. Do you need to visit in the summer or is that when the wedding is? If not, save the expense of two visits and splash the cash on the big one and enjoy.

Yes. The "rehearsal" is a strange notion! 🤣🤣🤣

NotSpaghetti

Yes. The "rehearsal" is a strange notion! 🤣🤣🤣

Why is the rehearsal a strange notion?