A Touch Too Sensitive ?

Maybe she was just going to text about the dress but felt she should say something about the friend as well.

If she had just text about the dress you would possibly thought she was insensitive not mentioning the friend.

She was in a no win situation.

I’d get her to take the dress to a local alteration service. Around here you can get a zip replaced fairly cheaply. IMO it’s a nerve to ask a friend - zips are fiddly! - and I say that as someone who used to have a friend asking me to e.g. sew up a hem, because she ‘couldn’t’, aka couldn’t be bothered.

Well whether it’s insensitive or not, you know you are doing your best for your friend, and we can’t make others feel as we do.
If it was insensitive of her what do you want to do about it ? I can’t see any value in tackling her about it and it’s up to you whether you do her zip or not
I do often text things as I think of them so I don’t forget them and she did text first to see how the friend is
Up to you whether you help her ornot but yes I think your worry of your friend is clouding things a bit

I think she is being a bit cheeky. Especially giving you a deadline.

Do the dress repair and charge a princely sum……then donate the money to a brain cancer charity.

Some people are like this. When my DD was very young she was rushed into hospital and had an emergency operation. When she finally returned to school another mother told me her family had also been having a terrible time as they'd had the flu

FWIW, I do alterations too and I do not set my machine up for less than £20.

-Zips are fiddly- yes they can be especially trying to take the old one out of a pair of jeans. I’ve never had to do it for anyone other than DH but I think I would say if someone asked me to put a new zip in jeans for them to take the old one out first. ☹️

Blimey you could buy a new pair of jeans for that Astitchintime

eddiecat I had a neighbour like that, my best friends mum passed away, and when I told my neighbour , she said....oh ,but I've been very ill.....

Astitchintime, good for you some folk take others for granted..
when they can't be bothered

Yes, it was insensitive and under the circumstances I would say you don’t do alterations at all, you are much too busy.

It's very hard for people to understand how others feel if they haven't experienced the same thing. If she's not living your life along side you she probably has no idea what you are going through, no matter how much you tell her.

I think that's why she was able to ask you to do the zip - because she simply doesn't understand exactly what you've got on your plate. The simple answer is 'I'm sorry, my dear, I barely have time to breathe right now. You'll have to take it to someone else if you want it done within the next three months.'

Thank you Ambergran, I think. you are absolutely correct, whilst people say they understand….they rarely do. I do find the younger generation less thoughtful these days.

As for the zip in a prom dress……I couldn’t trust myself right now even if I wanted to! I have politely excused myself.

Thank you for understanding and your advice. I have politely excused myself on the grounds that i couldnt be trusted right now.

Just say “No”

BlueBelle

Blimey you could buy a new pair of jeans for that Astitchintime

The OP was asked to replace a damaged zip in a prom dress, not in a pair of jeans. And FWIW, trouser/jeans zips are one of the first things done during construction of that garment…….removing and replacing is time consuming, tedious and fiddly! That is why my standard charge is £20!

Say you haven't time.

Astitchintime, ooh I’m jealous that you are that good at sewing. I just don’t have that much talent.

Allsorts

Say you haven't time.

Well said! I now make the 'friends' who appear with 'little sewing jobs' unpick there own zips, find and buy the correct replacement + cotton etc. (I do give a quick lesson on how remove the zip correctly )

OP, sorry to here you are going through this with your friend, and you did the right thing not doing the alteration.

AmberGran

It's very hard for people to understand how others feel if they haven't experienced the same thing. If she's not living your life along side you she probably has no idea what you are going through, no matter how much you tell her.

I think that's why she was able to ask you to do the zip - because she simply doesn't understand exactly what you've got on your plate. The simple answer is 'I'm sorry, my dear, I barely have time to breathe right now. You'll have to take it to someone else if you want it done within the next three months.'

Very good advice imo!

I would say the main thing is the pain you are feeling about your friend's brain tumour. It is shocking and sadly part of life's journey to experience the serious illness and suffering of one's friends and contemporaries.
Emotional intelligence is, I find, rarer than other kinds of intelligence. Those who empathise appropriately are like gold dust, and merit being treasured accordingly.

The words which all sewists, amateur and professional, dread most? “It’ll only take you five minutes”.

No, I do not think you are being over-sensitive, at all.

Your neighbour has a cheek asking you to replace a zip, just because she knows you are a sewing teacher! Especially knowing as she does the situation with your terminally ill friend.