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Am I a prude?

(175 Posts)
Mrsbee377 Sun 31-Aug-25 01:00:23

Good morning all,

I want to be open and say that I am not a gran, however I have previously been a member of another similar type of forum, and found some of the members there to be extremely sarcastic and unhelpful so I have taken the decision to register here in the hope that I may find more measured/sensible responses! However all opinions and outlooks are welcome .. please be kind though as I’m a little upset.

For context, I’m in my early 40’s and my in-laws mentioned here are in their early 70’s.

I need to know if I’m being a prude, I truly don’t think I am. I’ve never thought of myself as one. But, I feel so uncomfortable in my own home!!

My in-laws are currently staying with us. They arrived yesterday - Friday- and will be here until Wednesday. We’ve never been in a position to have them stay over with us until now, but we’ve moved house this year and we have the room at last. Before we moved, they would stay in a local hotel when visiting us. We’re five hours drive apart, so visits tend to be for a few days at a time.

I was more than happy to have them stay here since we now have a spare room, and we get (got!?) on well. I am now regretting agreeing to it!!

We’ve let them stay in our main bedroom, as the bed is much nicer than our spare one, and there’s an ensuite.

The ensuite door is annoying, and rattles when closed, even with the tiniest bit of wind. It also swings shut, and then rattles (we need to sort it out). So, we have a door stop in place to mitigate this.

Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night, to hear the ensuite door rattling. I tried to ignore it but couldn’t, so I decided to, very quietly, go in to the main bedroom where my in-laws were sleeping, to put the doorstop back into place, assuming they’d moved it for some reason. You don’t need to go into the main part of the bedroom to access the ensuite, as it is right by the door when you go in the room, so I figured if I was quiet, I’d be able to do this without disturbing them.

I quietly entered the bedroom (they had left the bedroom door ajar) and instantly, there was no mistake what I could hear - my in-laws were having sex. In mine and my husband’s bed. In our home. I quickly left the room.. obviously. They weren’t being loud, but there was absolutely no mistaking what they were doing, I don’t need to go into more detail.

In my 14 years of marriage to my DH, and the countless times we have stayed with my in-laws, we have never once even considered that it would be appropriate to be intimate together in their house. And now they’ve done this in ours. I feel so uncomfortable with this.

This morning, they went out for breakfast .. just as well, because I felt absolutely mortified and awkward when they came downstairs . They asked DH and I if we wanted to come, but I made up an excuse about feeling unwell. When they went out, my DH said I wasn’t myself and asked what was wrong. I told him what I heard. At first he thought I was joking, but when I eventually got him to believe me, he also could not believe they had done this. He isn’t planning to say anything to them about it, and nor am I …I don’t think. I’m not good with awkward situations.. but I do feel very grossed out.

Am I being a complete prude here or have they pushed a boundary?!

Babs03 Sun 31-Aug-25 17:59:10

Am sorry I thought you were winding us all up as well. Your story reminded me of an episode of ‘everybody loves Raymond’ where he strays into the bedroom given to his in laws for the night and sees them having sex, of course hilarity ensues when the in laws discover that Raymond saw them.
I mean it is kind of funny so not a bad wind up as it goes.

Crossstitchfan Sun 31-Aug-25 18:00:38

Mrsbee377

Crossstitchfan

Pardon my ignorance but how do you know that? I am not stupid (my job was sussing out liars and chancers) but I fail to see how you are definitely sure it’s a windup post. Please enlighten me!

I cannot keep justifying myself to people on here. It is not a wind up, and this is the last time I’m going to respond to anything suggesting it is.

My ‘pardon my ignorance’ reply was to Louisa. I asked how she could be so sure it was a wind up. I have never thought it was and if you read my responses carefully, you’ll see I believed you. I can’t see why anyone wouldn’t. I think you have me mixed up with another poster?

BlueBelle Sun 31-Aug-25 18:04:18

Ok we ve established you’re not a wind up MrsB we do often get threads that seem OTT often from new posters trying to wind people up and the joke about school children is because some time ago there used to be a few posters who posted ‘shock horror stuff’ to try and cause a stir and it always tied up with school holidays hence the joke
The problem is your post seems quite unbelievable to most people, you offer friends or relatives a bedroom and what they do in it is absolutely nothing to do with you at all and as for being horrified that a couple on holiday would have sex is a bit laughable and yes very prudish
and LesleyP s post is also daft they ‘should control themselves until they get home’ are you a Victorian with long skirts and big knickers LesleyP 🤣

Crossstitchfan Sun 31-Aug-25 18:05:58

I was on your side! I had a go at Lathyrus3 for her criticism of you. I am sorry, but I can’t see what I have done wrong.

winterwhite Sun 31-Aug-25 18:06:27

I think this is six of one and half a dozen of the other.
Yes, it's extraordinary that the OP went into the bedroom when the guests were in bed. But equally I think it extraordinary for anyone to have sex in someone else's house without shutting the bedroom door properly.

Crossstitchfan Sun 31-Aug-25 18:08:42

My last comment at approx 18.05 was to Mrsbee377.
I think I’ll be quiet now - I keep being misunderstood when all I am trying to do is be supportive.

Ziggy62 Sun 31-Aug-25 18:14:50

Unbelievable on so many counts

This site is crazy just lately

Blis1234 Sun 31-Aug-25 18:18:15

I’m just amazed that they’re still having sex in their 70’s…but in answer to your post, no, I don’t think you’re a prude. Everyone sees things differently. It all depends on how you were brought up. I still get embarrassed if I’m watching a tv programme and a scene comes on where a couple are ‘at it’, even if I’m watching it on my own, I’ll still turn the volume down and I’m 66 years old.

Aldom Sun 31-Aug-25 18:20:14

Bliss1234. Really?????confused

Babs03 Sun 31-Aug-25 18:25:49

winterwhite

I think this is six of one and half a dozen of the other.
Yes, it's extraordinary that the OP went into the bedroom when the guests were in bed. But equally I think it extraordinary for anyone to have sex in someone else's house without shutting the bedroom door properly.

I didn’t think about that but now you mention it the last thing you would do is leave the door ajar. A bit odd.

Maelil Sun 31-Aug-25 18:35:55

I think you are definitely being prudish. You should be delighted to know that many couples have loving and physical relationships well into their latter years.
I do think you made a mistake in giving them your bed though. My mother always said “Never give up your bed for anyone” and we never have. Especially when you’ve a guest bedroom, that’s where guests should be. It’s not as if they’re having to sleep on a sofa bed in the living room.

Norah Sun 31-Aug-25 18:35:55

Blis1234

I’m just amazed that they’re still having sex in their 70’s…but in answer to your post, no, I don’t think you’re a prude. Everyone sees things differently. It all depends on how you were brought up. I still get embarrassed if I’m watching a tv programme and a scene comes on where a couple are ‘at it’, even if I’m watching it on my own, I’ll still turn the volume down and I’m 66 years old.

Oh. confused

Maelil Sun 31-Aug-25 18:36:27

100%

Maelil Sun 31-Aug-25 18:39:01

Yep! Never give up your bed for anyone!

eazybee Sun 31-Aug-25 18:46:42

Perhaps the door burst open and the ensuite door started rattling because of the vigorous activity on the bed?

Despite discussing it with her husband who apparently agreed with her she was so .shocked that she had to discuss it on a public forum at midnight to seek support for her moral stance, which does not seem to have been upheld.

Still think it is a wind-up.
.

Mrsbee377 Sun 31-Aug-25 19:08:16

Crossstitchfan

I was on your side! I had a go at Lathyrus3 for her criticism of you. I am sorry, but I can’t see what I have done wrong.

Hi,
I know you were being supportive (thank you) , I wasn’t having a go at you?

V3ra Sun 31-Aug-25 19:15:34

This reminds me of my to-be mother in law, many moons ago, who used to put my husband and myself in separate bedrooms when we stayed in her house. She only put us together once we were actually married, several years later.

My mother-in-law did the same.
It got worse though, because once we were married she put us in her and my father-in-law's double bed.
And to cap it all he walked in without knocking to get his suit out of the wardrobe for work the next morning, while we were still in bed 🙄
(Not that anything was going on!).

I'd have much preferred to be put in my husband's old twin-bedded room 😂

BlueBelle Sun 31-Aug-25 19:18:16

A complete prude MrsBee
Best not have any visitors in case they might be lovers as well as marriage partners and I d wash the sheets twice or better still throw them away and start again
I can’t believe this thread

Lathyrus3 Sun 31-Aug-25 19:21:29

Crossstitchfan

I was on your side! I had a go at Lathyrus3 for her criticism of you. I am sorry, but I can’t see what I have done wrong.

It’s regrettable that you have reverted to “having a go at me”.

Particularly because it was not even my post that you were referencing. Someone else entirely.
My post suggested that a solution might be to buy a comfortable bed for the guest room.

It does however show that you are returning to the hounding of me that I reported to HQ before. Obviously I will inform them that this has started all over again

Ziggy62 Sun 31-Aug-25 19:27:14

Blis1234

I’m just amazed that they’re still having sex in their 70’s…but in answer to your post, no, I don’t think you’re a prude. Everyone sees things differently. It all depends on how you were brought up. I still get embarrassed if I’m watching a tv programme and a scene comes on where a couple are ‘at it’, even if I’m watching it on my own, I’ll still turn the volume down and I’m 66 years old.

Are you for real?

JamesandJon33 Sun 31-Aug-25 19:43:41

BLis1234 You shouldn’t be….amazed that is .

Mrsbee377 Sun 31-Aug-25 19:43:50

I don’t see an issue with people of older age having sex, not in the slightest. It’s just there’s a time and a place..!

Ziplok Sun 31-Aug-25 19:47:08

Certainly screams “wind up” to me or Bots at play. Cannot believe this is real, but then that might just be me.

Aldom Sun 31-Aug-25 19:50:55

Never heard anything like it Mrsbee. You sound like someone from an era long since past. Very old fashioned ideas.
I've no idea what my in-laws did or did not do when they slept at our home..... and yes, there were times when they slept in our bed.
None of my business. It never would have crossed my mind to wonder if they or anyone visiting my home were intimate.

Deedaa Sun 31-Aug-25 20:04:39

After our dear Truro MP David Penhaligon died his widow remarried and went to live in Plymouth. I met her at a fete in Truro one day and she mentioned that she must leave early because they had to drive back to Plymouth. She explained that the alternative would be staying with her parents. She said that even as a married woman in her 40s she couldn't possibly sleep in a bed with her husband under her parents' roof! I think we slept and probably had sex in my daughter's house - but not in their bed, and they stayed with us a couple of times during house renovations if anything happened it was very quiet.