Am I a prude?

I can still wonder, petra

The OP left the building over a month ago. I don’t think she will be returning.

I'd like to know if they changed their mattress or bought a topper or something else...

Hopefully the OP has recovered by now as the post is from August!

Smileless2012

If you're going to be so mortified by another couple having sex in your bed, then don't let them stay in your room; simple.

Quite!

Absolutely agree with Scribbles!

If you're going to be so mortified by another couple having sex in your bed, then don't let them stay in your room; simple.

Grams2five

Caleo

Mrs Bee, would you have objected to beautiful twenty year olds having sex in your bed? Just asking as sometimes ,if not often, young people such as yourself don't expect old people to have sex at all.
Would you have felt bad about a couple of royal personages having sex in your bed?
What if the old couple slept with their dog, would that have made you feel your bed had been dishonoured?

I'm just asking, because I feel you want to understand yourself. I daresay most of what most of us do is unreasonable .

Not the op and quite a bit older than than they are but as I said I’d be horrified as well , yes. I would object to anyone having sex in my bed, outside myself and my husband.

Funnily enough I'd feel something like that too. I am far too old to have sex, and I sort of expect younger people to not have sex around my little rooms where I live my life.

Visitors , including dogs, are welcome to rest on my bed but not have sex on it or in it, no matter who the visitors are. Actually I would not mind quite so much if the visitors were dogs

Caleo

Mrs Bee, would you have objected to beautiful twenty year olds having sex in your bed? Just asking as sometimes ,if not often, young people such as yourself don't expect old people to have sex at all.
Would you have felt bad about a couple of royal personages having sex in your bed?
What if the old couple slept with their dog, would that have made you feel your bed had been dishonoured?

I'm just asking, because I feel you want to understand yourself. I daresay most of what most of us do is unreasonable .

Not the op and quite a bit older than than they are but as I said I’d be horrified as well , yes. I would object to anyone having sex in my bed, outside myself and my husband.

I’ll be on the odd one out. If tbh is makes you a prude I am a proud one with you. They were having sex in your bed , with the bedroom door slightly ajar? I’d be mortiphied. And as a houseguest I would never in a million years have sex in someone’s personal bed they were allowing us to use.

Going forward they can have the less comfortable guest space. As this is why I’d never lend out my bed to anyone.

Mrs Bee, would you have objected to beautiful twenty year olds having sex in your bed? Just asking as sometimes ,if not often, young people such as yourself don't expect old people to have sex at all.
Would you have felt bad about a couple of royal personages having sex in your bed?
What if the old couple slept with their dog, would that have made you feel your bed had been dishonoured?

I'm just asking, because I feel you want to understand yourself. I daresay most of what most of us do is unreasonable .

You are
100 % a prude I think it could be a wind up though!

So it's alright for you & your husband to be sexually active but not the in-laws?
Is that an age thing or just because it's your bed?
Lmao. They're obviously comfortable enough to do it at yours!! 😅😅
Maybe they were doing it to the sounds of the rattling door, too!

Just a practical idea... when you have enough "spare" cash to do so (given that you've just moved) - Treat yourself to a new mattress and meanwhile invest in a new mattress protector.

Then, when they visit, if you want them to be offered your bedroom you can swap the lovely new mattress to the spare room for you to enjoy during the visit and then back again afterwards.

Hope this might work.
🤞

Mrsbee377, I'm sorry for my late reply but I have just come across this thread. In your OP you asked for feedback on whether you are a "prude" and AIBU. You indicated "all opinions are welcome" then qualified "please be kind though as I am a bit upset". It is predictable and a given that you will receive many differing opinions and views on what constitutes prudish behaviour in relation to expectations of guests being intimate in someone else's home. Best not to pose the question in the first place until you are ready to listen to and accept difference. I don't think people were intentionally aiming to be unkind, just that many could not see what the problem was from their perspective.

You now know that your in laws enjoy intimacy ( great) and didn't think they were doing anything wrong by being intimate whilst guests in your home. You had offered your bedroom to them and they have enjoyed, and I hope still are enjoying, your generous hospitality. They did not know (and still do not know hopefully) that you expected them to behave chastely and not be intimate together during their stay. They can hardly be blamed or held accountable for this incident as they had no awareness of your expectation and standards.

They have only been able to stay as guests this year as you now live in a larger house with more space. You have now learned, for the first time, that guests ( or just in laws?) being intimate in your bed makes you feel uncomfortable, weird, upset and "very grossed out". The issue is what you decide to do next. I really hope your in laws do not find out the extent of your negative feelings as if so you risk coming across as disapproving and judgemental about something that to them is entirely normal.

The main thing is to find a way to manage your current feelings of upset without putting your relationship with your husband's parents at risk. Are you able to talk to him and ask for his support? If not do you have friends or others you can confide in, not to judge about the incident but to offer you support and suggestions how you can move forward in a way that maintains a positive relationship with your in-laws? Plus how to work out a way to manage your discomfort and upset when guests next come to stay in your house as you can hardly issue a rule that every couple must remain "chaste" whilst a guest in your home? If guest's intimacy ( normal to them but not to you) really grosses you out, in reality you've learned not to invite guests to stay at all and go back to not staying over at all, as was the case before you moved house this year.

Launder the bedding and do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable in gong back into your own bed with your husband, so that you both can enjoy intimacy together after your in laws go home. One day you may be able to look back smile about this incident.....😊

Oreo

🥷
Dress in black and ninja roll your way into the bedroom and close the offending rattling door.😁

Love it!

I agree with you MrsBee. You are not a prude.

Do not enter their bedroom! Would you like it if they walked into yours?? You allowed then to have your bedroom for their visit.

🥷
Dress in black and ninja roll your way into the bedroom and close the offending rattling door.😁

Good luck to them if they have managed to be married with adult children and still be together. Be pleased for them that they are still happy to be together after all these years. Some people don't even get to be old. They are being discreet and private. Just mention the rattling door as a one off at breakfast and show them how to fix it. They would be mortified if you challenged them and it would not reflect well on you as the host.

I think that you chose to give them your bed as it is more comfortable, without considering the possibilities. Would you have felt the same if your son or daughter had been in the same position? I definitely would say nothing, if you hope to have some sort of decent relationship with your inlaws, and might even say to your husband that you have thought about what you said and that you had overreacted to a normal situation.

It could also be that you might look at why you felt upset. Is it that you feel your bed is specifically for you and your husband, in which case you hadnt thought it through. But is it that you actually do not think that older people have an intimate life? If so , it does not bode well for your own future and it might be something you need to think about and look at your attitudes. What was your parents attitude? Were they very tactile or not? Touching and hugging and kissing has always been important in our lives and my son saw the way we behaved and I am glad to say he is equally demonstrative with his partner and son.

So I would suggest that you either apologise for your remarks to your husband and dont bring it up again, or use this occasion to look at how you feel and compare it to how he feels Maybe that may give you an opportunity to look at your own attitude, and you could become a lot happier if you enjoy contact and are glad when two people can still enjoy an intimate life together and are happy to be together.

This is a wind up

It can be a bit surprising to walk in on guests being intimate, but they are married adults and it sounds like they were trying to be discreet. Next time you might offer the spare room or take a moment to knock before entering so everyone feels comfortable. You're not being a prude for feeling awkward, but sometimes a little communication and planning can prevent these situations.

notspaghetti and scribbles can I join you I couldn’t care less who does what in my bed as I d wash the bedding as soon as they ve gone
They not pooing in your bed for goodness sake
I always give my bed and bedroom up if I have guests as it s the best one and I m sure it’s had many ‘experiences’ in it ….lucky bed
The worst one was when I was at work and one of the office girls was bragging about ‘doing it’ on the desk in our office We were all looking at our desk and thinking ‘ not mine please’

NotSpaghetti, I'm with you. I can't believe anyone can be so upset about something so perfectly normal and natural as a loving couple having sex.
So it was really the OP's bed? So what? It's a piece of furniture! As others have said, you put on clean sheets for the guests and you change them again when they're gone. I just cannot understand the issue here.
More and more, I find I'm out of touch with the GN group think and wonder what I'm doing here at all.