What about the other grand parents ? 😡

They are working.
Let them get and finance their own cars.
That's part of being grown up.
It's not your responsibility nor their parent's nor the other GPs.

I understand your frustration and disappointment. It’s more expensive for young people to finance cars than wheb we were younger. I’d want to help and feel irritated if wealthy other grandparents weren’t offering
Mind you, people are often better off financially because they’re ‘careful’ with money

Try not to compare between you and anybody else. It’s out of your control anyway.
Just be you and work out what’s best in your family situation. You are letting your annoyance about your ex son in law affect you.

Perhaps the grandchildren could share the car - ie weeks about? Car one week, bus the next?

welbeck

They are working.
Let them get and finance their own cars.
That's part of being grown up.
It's not your responsibility nor their parent's nor the other GPs.

Yes, this.

It’s not mandatory for either sets of grandparents to gift or lend the grandchildren a car. Plenty of people manage without one, or find a way to purchase one. Don’t be angry at the other grandparents. That’s just unhealthy projection. This is an internal issue because it’s your choice to keep giving your car up. Let yourself off the hook by saying ‘no’. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your grandson.

We all help our grandchildren - or not as we best think is good.

The other grandparents may well help in other ways you do not know about - or they may want to help later.

Personally, I was quite tight with money when DC were the age of your grandchildren, just because I felt they needed to get to grips with the realities of life as soon as possible and that they should not expect us to bail them out whenever life got difficult.

Why do you think they would want to help more?

If it is your choice to indulge your GC then that's your choice.

Just accept their choices aren't the same.

It’s not mandatory for either sets of grandparents to gift or lend the grandchildren a car.

That would be my answer too.

But you will know your family dynamics better than any of us on here can.

It was very kind and generous of you to loan your car to the grandchildren, but it was only a temporary arrangement.

It’s understandable that neither of them can afford to buy a car yet if they have only just started work, but surely they would have looked into how they were going to get there by public transport?

You shouldn’t feel guilty about reclaiming your car.

The weather is getting worse, so you really need a car. It will be hard, but tell them you need it back. There is no incentive for them to actually find a car if they don’t have to do so.

Agreed.

Does your car insurance policy cover them driving your car ?

Agreed, get your car back

Why can't they take it in turns to use the one car to work and get by with a combination of public transport and (if necessary) taxis the next... - or take each other super-early if need be?

I think at 22 and 23 they should have more than enough life skills to work this out without you baling them out with your own transport for weeks on end.

I know from living in a village without a bus that rural transport is difficult. In towns and cities its easier - but even in a village it's not always insurmountable if you are determined - a lift to the bus/train by the one with the car?

It may eat up a chunk of your wages - but it seems your (adult) grandchildren are still living at their mother's home.

Maybe any (half decent) car is better than no car... that's what my daughter decided when she was travelling 2½ hours to work instead of 35mins by car.

Give them a deadline...
"I need my car back by next Thursday" (for example). I think the problem will be rapidly sorted.

I get why you’re annoyed I would be too, but as I’ve found out it’s wasted energy.
My mum volunteered her car to help her DGS partner out. I drove 200 mile to deliver it whilst me and mum managed without a car for months.
Her parents lived very close to them with a car each, I was so cross at the time.
Sadly our kindness was seen as a weakness. I’m a lot wiser now.

Six weeks is a long time not to have found a car. A couple of weeks should be plenty if you’re really looking.

I think they’re taking advantage here. I bet if you say you want it back now they’ll find one this weekend, no problem.

Personally I think you were too generous lending your car when you have no other means of transport. And your grandson is selfish for accepting it without a thought of how you are to travel. And your daughter is presumably funding a second car for her children.
Do they appreciate all these sacrifices?
Absolutely nothing to do with the other grandparents.

I agree with all the above. We now have to use public transport to go anywhere because my DH who was the only driver had a stroke and is now visually and cognitively impaired. But am not complaining, most of the time buses and trains are ok and we have bus passes and senior rail cards.
Unless your GCs live out in the sticks where there is only one bus every few hours and no trains I suggest they use public transport when the other GC has the car.
It is your car, letting them use it occasionally is fine but don’t give it to them and then feel bad asking for it back.
The other grandparents probably assume their GCs will use the bus until another car is purchased.
I would assume the same and can be quite indulgent with my GCs, but honestly what you have done is a lovely gesture but now say that you are struggling and so need the car back.

How would you respond if you saw a post from the other grandparents saying that their 'other grandparents' were making them feel bad because they hadn't offered a car, and were making assumptions about their financial wellbeing and making emotional projections about how they 'couldn't find it in their hearts' to do something that they were not able to do, or didn't want to do, and not only that but are calling their son names?

I don't know why a couple might need three cars, but that's the point - I don't know. Just because you felt able to lend out a car doesn't mean that the other lot feel likewise, and emotional blackmail isn't fair.

If you need your car back, ask for it. There's no need to feel guilty - it was kind of you to lend it in the first place - but your kindness should not put pressure on the other grandparents to do anything (and it doesn't make it unkind of them not to do it).

Was it not you who posted recently that your grandson was expecting you to take a speeding penalty on his behalf claiming that lots of people take points for one another - despite it being a criminal offence that carries a custodial sentence?

If so, could it be that incident is now colouring how you feel about him using your car? Maybe that’s translating into thinking that the other grandparents, whom you seem to have little affection for, can give him a car so it becomes their problem if he does it again.

That aside, how far do either of these adults have to travel to work and what alternatives are there? Buses, trains, bike?

Nobody is under obligation to lend a car to another family member. That you did was up to you. You are are entitled to have the car back.

One can buy a perfectly roadworthy car for a couple of thousand pounds. The family could find one if they tried.

I have a family member who is fond of grand gestures, but then gets tired of doing whatever it is, and tells others that they should be 'pulling their weight' by taking over the things she started, as she claims it's not fair on her. It's maddening.

Gosh, if it was my grandson who’d been caught speeding and wanted someone else to take the blame I’d be trying to keep him off the road, not put him on it in my car.

I think the other grandparents are being very sensible. Speeding is not good. Lack of responsibility for your driving is something else😱

I wouldn’t get so involved in others lives and I’d definitely go and retrieve my car now. Your need is almost certainly greater than theirs. I understand the compulsion to help but honestly, they’re old enough to sort out their own lives….let them get on with it.

I wouldn’t involve the other GPs you need your car back so it’s up to GS to make other arrangements

Don’t get sidetracked to need your car