Financial coercion

Sallywally, is he transferring the AA money from your joint account into a savings account in his name?
You should not be walking on eggshells or feel too scared to spend money that has been awarded to you. Your DH is on the autistic spectrum and that may have a direct influence on his behaviour. However..........this your money paid to you for your benefit ! If you don't have a bank account in your name may I suggest you open one , contact DWP that pay you the A A and ask them pay the next payment into your account. I know this may well cause trouble but you are fully entitled to do that.
I hope you are ok ? No one should be afraid of how their partner/ spouse may react over something like this. I hope you have a friend you can confide in?
How this money is spent is not his decision, it is your decision! This money is to make your life as easy as possible it is not for your husband to do as he likes with.
Everyone here is of the same opinion, please take action and ensure the money is paid into an account in your name. It will cause a row I recognise that, but needs must! Would it help to show him the response ftom GN - or would that enrage him ?

It's the final sentence of the OP which bothers me most - you shouldn't have to ask for your own AA and neither should you be scared to ask.

If the money is paid into your account he should not have access to it ! If however he has ' persuaded ' you to agree to transfer the money into a savings account then you must put a stop to that! Go to your bank ( alone of course) stop the transfer immediately.
This will cause trouble but once you stand up to him he will eventually back down- he has no option. After a lifetime of financial arrangement he will find it difficult - tough !!!!! He needs to understand that you are a force to be reckoned with and in time he will. The AA is YOUR money, you need your car to get about , if you need a new battery then that is what the AA is for! Get familiar with being pro active, you will be surprised at how easy that is once you start! Be brave and good luck.

DH and I have a variety of accounts -joint and personal. All available on line and accessible to both of us. He deals with finance, mostly, as it is his thing. So, it would be easy fir him to move 'my' money around.

But, he is not coercive or controlling.

Presumably, the OP's DH has always been this way so it isn't quite as easy as saying 'be assertive' to her. It is probably a huge step for her to contemplate.

Sallywally, why not 5am the car to your usual service centre, ask them to fit a new battery and send the invoice in the post…….addressed to your husband??

Sallywally1

I receive the lower part of AA having arthritis in shoulder and developing in hands too, my car is essential to me to get around. When I received it my D DH immediately took it over to decide how it should be spent. I think this is financial coercion. Am I wrong? It need a new battery and I want to ask for the AA to pay for this, but am too scared to ask

Sally Wally I think this is financial abuse. He should not on any level think that it is ok to take over YOUR money from YOUR account and transfer it to a savings account against your wishes, stopping you from getting what you need to spend it on

He may not see it as financial abuse but it is! And the fact that you are afraid to ask suggests this is part of a pattern

I think you need help and advice about your situation regarding the money but also about possible other aspects of your relationship and what YOU want to do about it Maybe start with Age UK 💐

That’s entirely your money for your disability and should go into your account.

Btw, as I often say to our adult autistic daughter, being autistic isn’t an excuse for being a horrible person!

Yes, I think it’s coercive, have a good long think about your future together

Sallywally1

I feel as though I am treading on egg shells. It is paid into my account but he puts it into a savings account. I do have my own very small pension too and of course my state pension. It’s complicated. He is very good with money and budgets very well. But he does have a short temper which he admits to and can be very controlling (my way is best for example). He is on the autistic spectrum and has Asperger’s I think.

It is paid into my account but he puts it into a savings account.

How does he have access to your account?

Perhaps he should come and chat to some of us.
Being autistic or having Asperger’s does not give him the right to take your money.
Have you ever stood up to him, you need to ‘tell’ him ( not ask him) that you need that money for your new battery and use it for just that if you have an account you can use
Also tell him your AA is going to stay in your account in future
Do you have adult children ?

Why does he have access to your account ?

My father did this 25 years ago. I think he received a carer's allowance for my mother, and banked the money in a savings account, but refused to spend it on buying in services to help: shopping, cleaning, heating etc. Her social workers/nurses? were involved and could not persuade him to use it, but they were able to arrange for her transfer to a nursing home, with her and my consent.
I hope sallywally can arrange to stop the payments from her account to the savings account but she may need support.

And, possibly, not just financial support.

MollyNew

It's the final sentence of the OP which bothers me most - you shouldn't have to ask for your own AA and neither should you be scared to ask.

Yes agree , this is a major concern and hope the OP has a good friend/relative to support her 🤞🏻

Do you have access to this savings account Sally? I’m guessing not.
So then your husband is able to take what he wants from your bank account yet you are unable to withdraw your own money which is under his control.

I hope you have support from family or a friend to tackle him about this.