Childminding by grandmothers

No, you’re def not being unreasonable. My husband and I looked after our first grandson, who’s now 9, for one day a week. We were in our early 60s then and it was manageable for 2 of us. Now we’re both in our early 70s and look after our second grandson (14 months old) for one day a week. We can def feel the difference! We’re both shattered by the end of the day - and that’s sharing the care. I couldn’t do it on my own. I’d struggle to carry him for a start, especially in and out of the car. If your son and his wife are well paid they can get childcare, or as someone else mentioned, there may be some entitlement to free care. They shouldn’t assume that you can do it.
When our 2 children were born, my parents both worked full time and my in-laws were older and lived further away, so I just gave up working and we had to manage. Perhaps that should also be considered.

I am a bit younger though. I am 71 this year.

I’ve been waiting for a post like this to come up. Please do not for a second feel guilty about your decision. I agreed & indeed looked forward to 2 days years ago while still working part time but it quickly became onerous with increasing expectations to include the parental ‘breaks’ apparently much needed. I would have grandkids overnight as well as by day on condition they would be collected by 10am the following morning so I could get on with my weekend - that was dubbed ‘selfish’.
‘You can do what you want on other days now you’re retired’ ‘what else are you doing with all your time?’ ‘don’t you want to be with your own grandchildren?’ were frequent, hurtful remarks.
I once read childminding is a privilege on both sides which I feel is true but responsibility for children is certainly not a shared responsibility with grandparents. The pressure is immense & the applied guilt for how you spend your own time crippling.
Childminding facilities are much advanced & available from when our kids were young - parents think on - we have done our bit under much more difficult circumstances than you - we do our bit now but not necessarily at your behest. Be grateful for what you get!!!

I sometimes wonder whether we have had a generation of child rearing that put the child first, where children were looked after protected from every risk and given help and encouragement all along the way.

The result being that the apron strings between child and parent haven't broken properly and adult children just assume parents are there to help with all the problems in life.

It is not about children being spoilt, but instinctively expecting someone else to sort all their problems out. When it comes to grandchildren, then grandparents are automatically the backstop.

I agree Monica.

Not having the capacity to babysit is nothing to feel guilty about. Childcare is the responsibility of the people who made the child. It’s irresponsible to depend on elderly parents as childcare. A plan and a back up plan should be made pre-birth, even pre-pregnancy.

I only babysit on my own terms. I don’t feel even a little bit guilty. I love them all dearly but my health is too fragile to run myself into the ground. It’s okay for grandparents to be just that!

Isn't that favouritism? I would have been peeved if my mum looked after a siblings children and not mine.

You've totally decided the right thing and please don't let them sway you otherwise. I'm 68 and look after GC one day a week and have done so since GC was 7 months old. It's very tiring with child that expects/wants 100% attention all day and then there's the 80 minutes travelling time each way. Its always at the back of my mind the what ifs such as what if I were to take ill while doing childcare, passed out etc. I remember in employment that we weren't allowed to work solo for that very reason (pre covid WFH) so where's the difference? I'm in good health but things can change in a flash so I'm seriously thinking about teaching GC how to make an emergency call on my mobile. As a previous poster said, you'll be 80 by the time your GC starts school and by then they could have had baby no. 2 which you'd probably also be expected to care for. Stick with your decision for your own well being.

Don’t feel bad about saying ‘no’. - a few years ago, I was asked to do school runs for my youngest son’s boys.
I just couldn’t do it, because I was already committed to my eldest daughter’s children, and I was working. So I said ‘no’ and explained it all. They were disappointed at first, but I think they understood There were no ill feelings.
You must think of yourself .first .

You're not being unreasonable. it takes a very fit person to look after an infant,

I was very hands on with mine but I couldnt have at 76. You are not being unreasonable, I think they are.

Both my mother and my mother in law were in their late 60's/early 70's when I was pregnant for the first time.

Due to circumstances outside our control, my husband and I had niblings who were in the reproductive era or close to it. So when both of them said they were not prepared to "babysit" our children, we accepted that boundary.

However it seemed that they were capable of looking after our great-niblings baby/toddler!

However we accepted their boundaries and then asked them why they were upset when we never ever ever asked them to look after our children?

If they offered, we would accept, otherwise, your boundary, your rule.

and still we were wrong!

My wife is 67 and would say no too, been there, done that, doesnt like small children much either

She'd say welcome to parenthood, enjoy it while you can. They both appear to have good jobs, pay for nursery care.

Flippinheck

welbeck

How do you know how difficult it is to carry a suitcase up their stairs???

This told me all I needed to know.

What, exactly, did this tell you?

I wondered too😂
My DS is going to the chiropractor today. She’s 70 and has just spent some time with her grandchildren. One of them is quite hefty and needed taking out of his high chair.
She’s pretty fit but most of us do lose some physical strength and flexibility as we age. Luckily I had mine when I was in my late fifties.