We have three adult sons. Elder and younger sons had a major falling out ten plus years ago. I do not know the gory details - don't want to know, neither has confined in me so I maintain a neutral position over the situation although it goes without saying it has broken my heart. I do not see any future reconciliation and have accepted this. My husband feels the same. All sons are old enough to be grandfathers (one will soon be) so that is not as though I can "bang their heads together" (though I would like to!). This has resulted over the years in hosting every family event i.e. birthday parties, Christmas etc etc TWICE to accommodate both factions. This has proved stressful, expensive and heartbreaking in equal measures. I am not prepared to do this any longer as I feel it is pandering to and enabling this dreadful family rift. Yesterday my son sent a text message asking me what I was planning to do for Mother's Day (Moi??!) and had I made any arrangements with "the other family". I did not respond immediately and anyway the answer is "no" but haven't said that yet. All of a sudden I realise I do not want to go on this way ever again, pretending my husband and I do not find this rift horribly sad and painful.. As it happens it is our middle son's birthday the day before Mother's Day so three quarters of the family will get together (minus eldest son's wife and son) then. No doubt arrangements will be made to meet up with elder son's family to "celebrate" - so again potential of two separate "celebrations" for one event. As I will see x2 sons the day before I have decided to say that I have planned to go out for the day to an exhibition therefore I won't be available on MD. Neither warring sons have been told how upsetting their behaviour is. In the past I said nothing as I did not want to "blackmail"/force them into speaking to each other on our behalf. We respect they have their own opinions and they are old enough to live as they want to. It is my husband's 70th birthday this year and this rift will again cause a problem in a family celebration. Neither my husband nor I want to have two birthday parties and have decided to have a weekend away to"celebrate" on our own. I do not really feel unreasonable in not wanting to always host family occasions twice over and really would like other GN'ers opinions.
Manchester Arena - suicide attack
Neighbour - "damage is done"
Kitchen? Pantry? - my nan called it...