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Irritating Mother In Law

(26 Posts)
Giddyup210 Sat 18-Nov-23 14:47:44

My daughter had a baby one week ago. Everyone is on cloud nine apart from mother in law.
You know one of these people who just looks for problems?
Well she has irritated us all.
Posting pics and one of her relatives is concerned about photos being taken as it may damage baby’s eyes if flash is used. Another of hers concerned car seat isn’t right for baby as it may damage their neck if there was high impact.
We have been in touch saying no one needs to worry. Son in law sent a good message saying any further concerns to raise with him and his partner instead of me.
We are all just so happy for my daughter and son in law but this person is just looking for negative things and pointing them out.
She hasn’t replied to my daughter or son in law though has asked me by text if I am a not talking ti her anymore? I am but she just winds everyone up!
Any advice most welcome how to deal with her!

Smileless2012 Sat 18-Nov-23 15:00:33

Hello Giddyup, congratulations on the birth of your GC.

I hope no one will allow this over anxious GM to take the joy out of such a wonderful time for you all. Your s.i.l's. sent just the right message to his mum so best thing you can do is to leave it in their hands.

My advice for you is to smile and tell her not to worry and then change the subject.

sparkly1000 Sat 18-Nov-23 15:19:32

Congratulations to your daughter, SIL and you on the birth of your grandchild. Is it this MILs first grandchild?
Is your daughter OK with her posting pics of their baby?

I would keep the line of communication open with this MIL, however it looks as if she is hoping that you will corroborate with her and her cronies.

Theexwife Sat 18-Nov-23 15:40:02

Some people are negative and always looks for problems in any situation. I would feel sorry for her it must be a miserable way to live.

Could someone point out to her to her in a kindly way that she always looks for the negatives, she may not realise she does it.

V3ra Sat 18-Nov-23 18:51:11

My mother-in-law used to say don't look at the baby over the top of their head as it'll make them cross-eyed 🙄

I did see red though when we'd been discussing having a christening or not as we weren't church-goers.
Apparently if we didn't, and our baby died, they wouldn't go to heaven 😳

Giddyup10 your son-in-law needs to tell his mother to keep her unhelpful comments to herself.

alchemilla Sat 18-Nov-23 19:05:22

Leave it to your son in law to reassure her/deal with her - otherwise she will blame your daughter and side of the family.

AGAA4 Sat 18-Nov-23 19:46:12

She sounds very anxious about the baby imagining harms that are unlikely to happen. It is irritating but maybe she needs help with her anxiety. Your SiL may know his mum is an anxious person.

Bella23 Sat 18-Nov-23 19:50:59

I agree with others your SIL needs to tell his mother he can deal with things and she is making other people worried by her comments.

Scat Sat 18-Nov-23 19:52:24

Son in law problem. Only he can deal with this. Keep well out of it.

Callistemon21 Sat 18-Nov-23 20:28:15

She's overly anxious probably because she is a grandmother and therefore not directly responsible for the child's welfare.

I know the feeling but we have to 🤐 and she hasn't realised that yet. These thoughts come in the middle of the night but we just have to keep them to ourselves.

Perhaps her DS could have a word with her.

cornergran Sat 18-Nov-23 20:35:59

My ma in law said the same thing V3ra. We took no notice and there was no christening.

Nannashirlz Sun 19-Nov-23 13:35:53

Congratulations to the both families on the birth of your new family member. I’m an inlaw having two sons. They are always issues when a new baby comes into families. It’s a big deal becoming a grandparent and watching your child with a little one. Maybe try looking at it from her side. Me and mum inlaw are fussers with my youngest but daughter inlaw is always saying so but she said it’s nice that you care so much. I don’t put any photos of any of my 4grandkids online because you don’t know what perv is looking at them.

Gwyllt Sun 19-Nov-23 16:05:13

Some people glass is always half empty. You will probably never change them good luck if you do try. Dont let it get to you the problem is hers

aonk Sun 19-Nov-23 17:15:37

I had similar issues with my MIL and I became very irritated by her. For example when my elderly GM died 2 months after the birth of DD1 she tried to stop me from taking the baby to the funeral as it was “bad luck” for her. I had no choice as it was some distance away and I was breastfeeding! After that drama it was something else. Looking back I realise that she was extremely anxious and overexcited by the arrival of a new GC. It took a while but things improved significantly.

Shelflife Sun 19-Nov-23 17:47:22

Clearly she is an anxious GM ! Leave your SIL to sort her out ,the last thing your DD needs just now is unnecessary panic from her MIL. Congratulations on the birth of your GC. nothing nicer 👶!!

Nansnet Mon 20-Nov-23 06:29:40

I like what Nannashirlz said ... "it’s nice that you care so much".

If she messages you again, I'd just exactly that ... "It's nice that you care so much, but best that you mention this to your DS as I don't want to interfere with their decisions. We all know how new parents are with their babies ..."

Allsorts Mon 20-Nov-23 07:14:16

If it were me, I would just be nice when she raises concerns, ie.if she said don’t I think baby has too much clothing, I would answer no, they are doing just fine.Shes just over excited and anxious. Sometimes the paternal mil has less contact as girls would rather speak with their moms and the mil gets but pushed out,

Madgran77 Mon 20-Nov-23 08:43:54


I like what Nannashirlz said ... "it’s nice that you care so much".

If she messages you again, I'd just exactly that ... "It's nice that you care so much, but best that you mention this to your DS as I don't want to interfere with their decisions. We all know how new parents are with their babies ..."


Norah Mon 20-Nov-23 15:59:29

Giddyup210 Any advice most welcome how to deal with her!

Her son deals with her difficult behaviour - sounds as if he is attempting.

You stay well out of it all and remain pleasantly silent on all topics that have no bearing on you - baby photos, carseats, etc.

She may be 'one of those' and continue on causing her own problems, no need for you to be involved of converse on her silly topics.

lixy Mon 20-Nov-23 16:05:29


I like what Nannashirlz said ... "it’s nice that you care so much".

If she messages you again, I'd just exactly that ... "It's nice that you care so much, but best that you mention this to your DS as I don't want to interfere with their decisions. We all know how new parents are with their babies ..."

I could have done with this phrase a few years ago!

Hope you enjoy your Gchild.

Mamasperspective Tue 21-Nov-23 12:33:06

I would just say, "With all due respect MIL, all these points you raise are parenting decisions and are none of our business. We need to respect and have faith in the fact that our children are grown adults capable of making their own informed and sensible decisions with regards to their own child. Jumping in with comments criticising their choices or parenting methods is overstepping as they are building their own family together and that does not include us, we now become extended family. I fear that raising such topics can only result in their little nuclear family becoming annoyed and potentially estranged from you so better to just trust in their process"

Galaxy62 Tue 21-Nov-23 13:51:31

Feel sorry for mothers in law they get a hard time

Gundy Tue 21-Nov-23 14:15:12

What a Debbie-downer at this happy time. She is very insecure if she’s acting like that. You have to wonder, what is her problem?

I would ignore her rants. Tell her to talk directly to her son and leave you out of it. Change the subject in the conversation. Pretty soon she may stop calling if you don’t agree with her.

That might be a good thing.
USA Gundy

Beeb Tue 21-Nov-23 17:05:01

I think my MIL and StepM were full of anxious comments and suggestions about how we “ should” be doing this or that with our newborn. The baby thrived despite their concerns. We were good parents but had our own ways of doing things because time and ideas move on. I felt their negativity was partly down to them feeling undermined, a loss of power, no longer the matriarch in control of all motherhood matters. Maybe that is part of the issue with MIL in this case. Sometimes it’s hard for the parent to understand youngsters are now adults who can cope with a baby. Sounds like the SIL has it in hand and hopefully everyone will adjust and be happy.

Beeb Tue 21-Nov-23 17:19:11

Pressed send too soon…. Hope you can enjoy your Gchild.