How many Grandads do we have?

I can sense that you will fit in here nicely Snapshot, as the Actress said to the Bishop!
Don't be fooled by these Ladies mate. Treat them with warmth and respect - like cap. L for Lady. Look out for tricky Lil, and beware of Matron, who specialises in strange cures for ills you hadn't got in the first place!! Good luck Snappy!

gramps!

Nell, that 'evil look' comment reminds me .. I once had my face slapped by a woman on a train .. she accused me of ogling, and grimacing lewdly at her .. I was in fact putting in a fair amount of effort into cleaning some dried lemonade from my glasses .. in my myopic state my eyes stared blindly into oblivion, and I wasn't even aware that woman had seated herself opposite to me! .. I'll take a slap or a punch when it's deserved but purleeese!!

nellie my suggestion would be to stick the piano... anywhere out of earshot of the back room. The 'cocktail bar' would be ideal. In light of Isiah's pot collecting skills, I'll be using my own tankard from now on !

Isiah is also best kept away from stirring cocktails....Lil was transported Snaps to her stint as a trainee hairdresser. Long before she had her head turned she was doing a stint in the barber section...an elderly gentleman sat all gowned up and looking presbyopicaly into the distance when Lil noticed a rhythmic movement under his gown and his hands where not visible well what was she to do so she belted him around the ear with her clippers and called Maureen who was in charge of the salon....it appears like snaps he was polishing his spectacles......

nellie...spluttering coffee and shortbread all over the key board. x

Poor bloke certainly made a spectacle of himself!

Lil has finally recruited her piano player Doris whose inspiration in life is jo Brand so much so that she has completed a course of plastic surgery to repair any redeeming features she may have had,so that she is a clone of her idol.
Doris is also a manhater,but has made an exception for Isiah,and already they have formed an unlikely alliance...watch this space as Lil thinks they closely resemble a burgeoning Bonny and Clyde resemblance,It would pay to keep your wits about you,but as I suggested to Lil this would not be good for trade as interest in her Ample Bosom may plummet,she may have to take a cut of their bounty to make this up.

...on the other hand, the granddads appear to be besotted with Ample Bosom and form long, unruly queues outside mooning on the square several hours before opening time. Whilst Doris tickles the ivories - with gusto, the hushed man-talk over by the darts board, is altogether earthier...

And sometimes not that hushed, either, when passions are excited. Carrying remarks and comments of a raucous and lewd nature have been known to be overheard by the more genteel of the clientele (although there are only one or two, and therefore not worth worrying about, as Lil says....)

Lil is keen to rid the moon of any genteel clientele as it gives the place a tidy reputation which she is keen to avoid,Lil sees her and her establishment as pioneer territory similar to the wild west bars,that is why Doris was employed as she is good at bashing out a honky tonk tune on an ageing instrument,*Flip Flop* has a previously undisclosed talent she goes down a storm ...and is also good on the banjo,now she has her staff the moon will be banging every night,fortunately she has a tame plod on her payroll,he is paid to turn a blind eye,and as he cannot see out of the other he is good at his job,he also gets a few freebies off of Flip Flop who he is rather sweet on.....

Probably because he can't see her!

So thats why Lil kept on to plod to 'just go with the flo' all makes sense now

That doesn't present a problem Ana the soft slapping of her buttocks against her heels and her pungent perfume of catchet that she delicately calls catshit,will always make him aware she is there.....

Erm? Are we confused?

This is true peteshe almost employed Dawn which was dangerous to those who liked to get up early...

No I'm not jeni can Lil help you at all...

Far too dangerous nellie ...

Especially for vampires!

They always ask for a Bloody Mary Ana..

I was confusing Ana from porn thread with Ana!
Just put it down to senescence!
No insult intended Anagram

Lil said would you like a hot toddy jeni she could make you one that cures temporary memory lapses,by obliterating your memory all together....

Don't go there, jeni - once you've sampled Lil's lethal hot toddy, there'll be no way back to normality...

Yes, I blame that notso for naming her herione after me!
However, I don't wear XXX-large Sloggis, so it can't be me.....

Since you haven't posted a photo of yourself, how do we know youre not lying?