moving on after bereavement

Take a day at a time and dont expect too much from yourself. I lost my husband suddenly, he went to work had a massive heart attack and never came home - he was 47. I had lost my father only 3 months before that. My whole world turned upside down and I never thought I could continue on without him. The hardest things were doing things on my own that we had always done together e.g. holidays, christmas, family birthdays and so on. My grown up children were a godsend and I found solace in my memories though it did take hell of a while to laugh again. I felt like I was stood on the outside of the world looking in on other people that had a life and that I didnt have one anymore. Things do get better in time but it is a slow process with good and bad days. Anytime you want to talk let it all out. I am new to GN and was surprised and touched at the comments you have had. There are people here showing genuine kindness and empathy. Chin up we are all here for you and am sending you a loving hug.

whoops forgot the 1 do appologise

Hi freddie

freddie1 Gransnet needs troopers such as you.

i have been on my own now for three years after loosing my husband of 58 years,iam 81ys young ,and have some loverly memories of those years , in the last three years i have cried more than i have laught but its getting better and i am now begining to live a little bit more ( if this is possable ) so chine up , i have just joined a couple of day clubs and they are very helpfull and friendly,i know its easy to tell people to cheere up but please dont look down look up it dose get better and you can smile about the good times you had

thank you Elegran am looking into them hope to get news soon

blackbird I googled "Northumberland widows groups" and among the hits was this site -
www.housingcare.org/service/list/s-22-companionship-befriending/l-455-northumberland.aspx

and this
www.go4awalk.com/walking-groups-and-new-walking-friends/new-walk-friends.php

and this
www.northumberlandlife.org/alnwickfriends/AboutUs.asp

Have a look and contact them. Until you do, they do not know thatyou need them.

thank you for website have e-mailed them no local groups in northumberland so its back to the beginning fed up with being lonely

They have a website:

www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/

With local branches. I hope that you will get in touch with them soon.

how do you get in touch with cruse it sounds ideal it would help me to make new friends.My husband was disabled with arthiritis and most of my friends fell away until there was only the two of us

blackbird Cruse is a widows club. i know very little about it, but I believe it is very good.

blackbird I am in Newcastle so not too far from you.

I live in Alnwick northumberland it would be nice if there was some sort of widows club where we could meet perhaps have a coffee and chat

where do you live blackbird ?

after 48years marriage I lost my husband seven months ago suddenly from a massive heart attack.Not only do I have to deal with that but he left behind a terible financial mess. I am trying to cope with the loneliness and stress without much luck.

own way doing what feels right for you one day at a time and a huge hug for you bothxxxxxxxx

Gally and Elegran I know my bereavment was a different one to losing a beloved husband,but you eventually learn to live with your loss,my mum widowed at 52 consoled her best friend when her husband passed awy by saying life will carry on just differently,my own experience has shown me that you need to be kind to yourself,the first year full of anniversaries and birthdays etc are difficult eventually you can remember the person without the anger and pain and laugh at your happy memories we all pass through the same stages of grief what is different is the time it takes for each person there isnt a right or wrong way to grieve just your

Gally and Elegran thank you for sharing this with us. xxxxxxx

Elegran, these are such early days of grief for you. Hope you are being very kind and gentle with yourself.

It does! I got dragged away by angel next door on the old QE2! I got hooked. So be careful what you do!

Oh Elegran it will get better I'm sure xx

I am putting off going away because I don't want to come back to an empty house. First I want to get in some practice at living on my own, and get some structure back into my days.

As you say Gally it is OK while you are distracted by something to do or someone to talk to, but the spaces in between are treacherous.

Just pick your moments Gally and do things that will take only a little effort. I have been looking at my crammed-full spare room for a while now, and then at weekend I was asked if I had anything for a charity car boot sale for the local dogs' home. I have taken five large bags of clutter and a couple of larger items this morning and feel so good about sorting them out, as I know they will bring quite a lot of money in for abandoned dogs, and I have a very tidy spare room.

That'll spur me on to doing some more clearing out - still got to weed the garden!

Been peeking at these posts from the sidelines with one eye shut! Elegran I have a house full of stuff from the cottage we sold a couple of years ago which needs to be 're-located', a garden which is running away from me (no wonder as I have been away for 3 weeks) and umpteen 'paperwork' business things to contend with. I find I am ok when I am off and doing, but as soon as I think about it - or today, think about returning home at the weekend to an empty house with no J to greet me on the doorstep - then I go straight back to square 1 again; but I do perhaps think it is becoming a little easier and I try to fill my days, when I am home, with as much as I can although it can become exhausting if you don't say no occasionally. I still can't believe it has happened; maybe when we can face up to that, the way forward will be easier?

I don't do any one thing for too long. There are lots of things to cancel, change names on and so on, clothes to sort out, and all the rest. Plus the house is a tip because we had to make room for a hospital bed downstairs, and we already had most of the moveable contents of our little cottage in the Borders parked in various rooms, when it was sold in November, to be "sorted out later". Not to mention the garden (please don't mention the garden)

Each day I do a little of each thing, speak to family and/or friends, and read the posts on here, and I am joining things and planning outings. The house is gradually becoming more civilised, but there is enough to keep me out of mischief for a while. Then I can restart some of the craft work that has been neglected for a long time. I might start on that a bit earlier than I should, as it is good to do something creative.