moving on after bereavement

Peaches If we could change the way you're feeling, we most surely would. I think that living closer to your family would be a step in the right direction. Please stay with us and share your sorrow. We'll be here to share in your future celebrations too.

Peaches

hello Peaches as OP have there is virtual supprot here on GN and lots have actualy met up, so maybe one day !

Peaches, we can only offer our sympathy and the hope that things will get better once you are nearer to your family. I like living alone, but I am used to it. My sister, who is 75, has joined two afternoon clubs near her home and they have lots of outings, speakers, craft days, etc. Is there anything near you that you could consider?
If you give us an idea of your area, there may be other members who could meet you for a coffee (not me, unfortunately, unless you fancy a trip to France.)

Peaches, I want to put a metaphorical arm round your shoulder, but here' s a ((((hug)))). You do sound as if you are terribly depressed - at the bottom of a pit there's no way out of - and I wonder if you have spoken to your family about the way you really feel. And have you any friends left from the days of your happiness? Friends you can talk to? You have some here and now that you have told us about it, I hope you will be able to keep on putting it into words.

Learnergran, I've just listened to the music link that you put on. I feel quite emotional and just want to say that all you've been through over the last few days, you haven't gone through alone. Keep coming to us. xx

Peaches ((((hugs))))
Hope you get to make the move soon.
I'm sure other GNs will be able to offer better advice than I can.... but have you tried joining a group, be it Cruse or the W.I. there's lots out there. I know you may not feel like it but once you take the first step life may improve for you. Good luck!

My husband died of cancer in January 2007. I hate living alone, and yet I don't want to live with anyone if that makes sense. The only person I want to live with is gone. I hate my life now, trying to sell my place and move nearer my family, maybe that will help. Sometimes I feel like I'm just passing the time.

Sorry to sound so pessimistic, but that's how I feel.

Learner I'm so glad you got through the funeral and you were able to talk about Dh.
You can say things on here whenever you feel the need, and that is worth a lot. Take care of yourself now, don't try to be too strong, just let it all happen one day at a time.

Greatnan Your post at 09.59 yesterday really struck a chord with me

When my lovely step-mum died a couple of years ago, we had a private family service and then a week or two later a remembrance service in the village church which was an almost joyous occasion, with family members, neighbours and friends sharing memories etc. and it was just a lovely tribute to a lovely lady.

I am so glad the funeral for your DH went smoothly and that you coped, with the help of family and friends. Take care of yourself in the weeks and months to come, try not to be too strong - let others help you and look after you

I echo what everyone else has said so well. Bereavement has a momentum of its own, and there are some days when I turn to Gransnet as a source of familiarity and comfort. Have a peaceful day, everyone

Learner I didn't want to say anything about coping with the funeral before the event, but I found I wafted through J's funeral as if on a high. It was 2 weeks after his death, a time during which I had to battle the Procurator Fiscal's office, the police and our GP surgery so I was mentally and physically exhausted so I found the day of the funeral a big relief. There were so many people to talk to all of whom had so much to say about J. The family all wellied in and did what was right at the reception afterwards and it was a time of celebration and thanks. However, after being on a roll for that time, there is always the 'coming back to earth' feeling and having to get to grips with reality - like paying the bills and sorting out the never-ending paperwork, and eventually the family have to go home to their own everyday lives, so just you keep posting on GN and we will all get through this together. It's true, GN is a big, comforting all-enveloping sisterhood and I am still gaining comfort from it as you will too.

Learnergran I to have just caught up on this thread...it's nice you were able to talk about your DH and you managed to get through the day, keep talking and keep posting take care
and to any others that are facing similar circumstances.

How are you this morning learnergran?

Learnergran you are so right, a funeral can be lovely, that's how I remember my Dad's funeral, as a lovely tribute to him. I'm sure your chosen music will continue to be a comfort to you in times to come. You are in my thoughts

Well done, Learnergran. Please stay with us now that you have found us - you will need all the support we can give you in the months ahead. If you feel you can't pour out your feelings to your family, there will always be somebody hear to listen and sympathise.

One more message on this thread, just to say that the support of GN over the last week, and especially yesterday, has meant more to me than I can tell you. Knowing that women of my own age, some who have been through this themselves and knew how I was feeling, some who may yet have it to go through, cared enough to try to help me through it was just so steadying. You sometimes hear mention of a sisterhood of women and now I know what that means.
The funeral went smoothly. More people attended than I had expected, with lots of nice things to say about DH and lots of stories of times past. I found I was able to talk about DH and it did help. The service ended with the playing of I'll Walk Beside You. I had worried that neither I nor the children would be able to get through this but actually it was lovely. anno says that grief should be shared, so if anyone would like to share it with me here is a link to a recording

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pp5iZdWKaA8

Learnergran I hope the service today was one that helped you to start the journey of grieving , a mixture of tears and smiles. Thinking of you today and over the coming months

Learner - all with you today and in the months to come - keep in touch here.

Learner may the love of your family support and comfort you today

Dear Learnergran I don't expect you will read this in time, but from me too. I hope you can recollect happy times in the midst of your grief and that the family around you will lift you up and support you. Wishing you again in your life soon and sending what strength and comfort I can. xxx

Learnergran I hope today contains a few smiles as well as sadness. There is something very comforting about being surrounded by your family and friends when you reminisce about your loved one

I hope all our members who have suffered a tragic loss will still keep in touch with us. When my father died, quite suddenly after being ill for a week and in hospital only one night, my mother was distraught but seemed to be coping well. He was only 59. Three years later, I had my 21st birthday party and she was very jolly, and enjoying a drink. After everybody else had left, she suddenly broke down and cried and cried. It was as if a dam of grief had burst. Shock can last much longer that we think and sometimes friends and even family expect bereaved people to 'move on' before it is possible.
I am sure all of us who have had, or still have, great sorrows, have found it a relief to be able to talk about it on this site. My own daughter was very understanding at first when her sister turned on me, but when I went to visit her she said I must not keep talking about it, as it wasn't doing me any good. She was wrong, as I needed to talk about it until the wound had healed a little. I was able to pour it all out here and received so much sympathy and good advice.
I hope you all do whatever feels right for you, even if your family might not understand it at the moment.

sorry learnergran try again

learnergran here are some [flowers ] not much but wanted to say like the others will be thinking of you on this very difficult day.

Whenim thanks for sharing that info about your sister, it sounds like that was the best thing in her case.