Where can my little one find a 'surrogate' grandparent?

The people you meet at playgroup are there because they too have small children, those at work are there because of their work, those at church because of their membership, neighbours because they live there.

When you post on the internet, even on this social site for the over-50s, that you have small children and would like to know substitute grandparents for them, you are saying it to an unfiltered audience of thousands.

Those who reply to you are self-selecting. I don't know the %age of the population with leanings towards child abuse, but say 99.9% of them will be grandparents who don't see enough of their own grandchildren, or people who have not been blessed with grandchildren but wish they had been. The other 0 .1% could be replying for ulterior motives - which might not even be evident to them, until they meet the children and find out their secret desires.

Out of, say, ten thousand people reading the posts on Gransnet, 0.1% would be ten people. So it is possible that ten dodgy people will be aware that you are open to being approached. One of them could live in your area, and contact you. They won't be shifty-eyed and wearing a dirtyy mac, they will be friendly and outgoing and perfectly normal.

Just like the scoutmaster, in fact, or the music teacher who is willing to give home lessons (while you get on with the housework in another room) or the nuns or the brothers at the convent school. Trusted by all!

Well expressed and reasoned as always Elegran!

Good post Elegran.I entirely agree. I think it has to be someone you have known for years and who you already trust.

OF COURSE you will take all the sensible precautions of meeting in a public place, never leaving your child with strangers and so on. No-one on here is saying that you will not, or that the people you meet for a cup of tea and a chat are going to pounce on your child. Nor are we forgetting that children are abused by those nearest to them more often than strangers.

BUT paedophiles DO comb the internet for vulnerable and unprotected children. They DO go where children are, perhaps not exactly planning anything untoward, but drawn to young children and then tempted when they have become so much part of the surroundings that parents let their guard down. Some of them DO play the waiting game and then take advantage of a child's trusting nature.

We just want to remind parents that by bringing someone into the family circle, they are making them one of the people their children trust. Gransnet is an open forum. No-one has been vetted for past brushes with the law. Anyone at all can read your post, join, contact you, and meet you and your family. Just saying!

Just a quick question. If i go to a local church etc to meet people. How do i know if they are not pedophiles?? or my neighbours, or new friends i meet at playgroups, work colleagues. What about parents who do online dating??
I am not just going to go to someones house who i have never met!! like others have said it all about safety on both sides. Meeting at a cafe and public places

Just to explain, i am NOT doing this to find a babysitter for my child. I would NEVER leave my 5 year old with a stranger. I do have a brain and know there are dangerous people around. My idea was more to have someone to visit for cup of tea and a chat once a week!!! There are a lot of
lonely people around who would enjoy having someone to visit.

You might find a loving community at your local church.

I feel for you Familylife2014.
I dont live near York. If I did , I would go along and see you.
But I would initially meet you in public places.
I think so long as caution is taken by both sides, and that both sides know that trust takes time to develop, then it can be a great idea.

I dont know if there are schemes up and running about this.

inhouse36 It is not easy to know who is a nice person or not.

A lot of paedophiles do appear to be "nice people" which is why families and children enjoy their company whilst they are grooming their way into being trusted by the family.

"Advertising" for virtual grand parents is not a good idea.

I'm posting in support of Soutra's comments. The risks involved in advertising for grandparents for young children shouldn't need to be spelled out.

Get involved in your local community, you'll meet plenty of older men and women happy to chat. Don't advertise small children as bait for friendship, it just feels wrong.

There is something that makes me uncomfortable about mums willing and wanting to foster relationships between their tinies and complete strangers. We know we are all bona fide but this is an "open" forum and anyone could sign up. Do please exercise caution - sorry if that makes me sound paranoid.

Hello,

I am looking to "adopt a Parent/Grandparent" i have a 5 year old daughter and we would love to have someone to visit etc. Both my parents and all Grandparents have passed away. I have my Mother in Law but its not the same. I am 27, very down to earth, spiritual, happy go lucky and have a lot of love to give. I live in York

Hi desperately seeking a grandmother for girl aged 6 and boy aged 3. And a mother for me! From norfolk.

This thread could be the start of a granny agency.

Anyone with relevant experience?

Looking for surrogate grandparents in Cornwall please. We have one set who live in the same village as us but they don't seem particularly interested in the children or supporting them to become well-rounded people. They are very good at buying stuff but not at spending time with the children. It is really sad for me as my Grandma was fab and I know her input in my upbringing had a significant impact.

I have three children, two daughters that have grandparents but an 8 mo old son who only has one grandad. I had a really close relationship with my nanny (who unfortunately has passed away) and would love my son to have a grandma or another set of grandparents. We live on the border of Hampshire/Surrey so would love to find someone who lives close by.

Please respond if you know anyone who would be interested xx

Hello, I'm originally from Germany therefore my mum is far away even though she does visit quite regular I'd love someone closer to be an adoptive gran to my 4 yr old and 7 mth old. We live in Blackpool

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

I have just found this thread after looking for ages for 'adopt a granny' and come up with nothing,unless you live in America.
I would love to be a 'nana' to children of any age. I know in this day and age we have to be careful but I can't help thinking that I'm not alone in thinking that I have a lot of time and love to give to a young child or maybe to help listen to a troubled teenager.
I have two gorgeous step granddaughters but they already have their 'real granny ' so I'm not really needed.
Please if anyone has any ideas I'd be very grateful.

I have been reading this thread as I have recently been involved in a circus theatre project researching elderly women today and their memories and experiences. I have learnt so much and have such a new found respect for the elderly. I really want to give some time to being company to a lonely old lady (or man) and am not sure how to do this. I don't have children, I am in my 30s so I am looking to find someone to help enrich their lives and give them company they quite probably crave a lot.

If anyone has any ideas on how to go about doing this please let me know. I am based in Bristol.

I have been reading this thread and wondered if there were any would be grandparents around in the Bolton area. My son is now 9 years old and gets ever so emotional about the fact that he does not have grandparents. He kisses the photos of his 'angels' every night. He does have a grand father (my father) who lives in Spain but we are not in contact and all other grand parents have sadly passed away before he was born. He feels, as do I that he is missing out in many ways, and gets very sad when other children at school talk about what they have been getting up to with their grans and granddads!

Thats great boheninan so are you going to go ahead and be an adopted 'Gran'?It's just finding people that are local to you all really, isn't it? I am already a Gran, so don't have time to be an adopted one though.
I will say, that when growing up my children did not have any Grandparents at all [all died] and I always felt they were missing out, but when I talked to them about this, it transpired that they were not at all bothered.They had myself and their Father at home and were surprised that I was worried by this.So I stopped worrying. However I can see that if the child/children are young enough to accept an older stranger in their life, that can be a real force for good.Children will be choosy though and if there is something they don't like or scares them about an older person that they are not used to they will say so! Good luck everyone.

I was brave enough to venture into Mumsnet and open a thread saying I am a potential gran/nana wondering if there are potential grandchildren/'big' children out there that may be interested in 'adopt(ing)-a-gran'. The response I have had has been overwhelming and positive. There's so many young mum's out there who are desperately missing mums/grans in their lives and want to connect.

I am hoping to reopen this thread again, as I have been searching high & low for people/ places to contact as we are looking to "adopt a grandchild"

Our circumstances are myself & my husband have not been lucky in having children, as we are both infertile. I am 45 & my husband is 53.
When we were told we could not have children we threw ourselves into travelling & doing exactly what we wanted when we wanted.
It is now we are finding it really difficult as our siblings & friends are grandparents, & we seem to be missing out on a great relationship grandparents have with their grandchildren, & we both have so much time & love we could give to a child or children.

We live in Worcestershire, & ideally would like to make contact with a local family.

I also have no grandchildren and I live in London if that is of any help to anybody? My closest family are in Eire so I never see them. My nephews and nieces by marriage live in Hastings so that is too far away now for me.