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Old girlfriends

(43 Posts)
Winefride Tue 30-Oct-12 08:08:04

Just picked up message from sons girlfriend of 15 yrs ago wanting to contact He has been married 10 yrs. Do I give him her no. Or conveniently forget???

whenim64 Tue 30-Oct-12 08:18:36

Oh dear! It depends on the reason she wants/needs to contact him.

NfkDumpling Tue 30-Oct-12 08:23:07

If it happened with my DS I would mention it him out of DiL's hearing and it would be his decision. There may be undercurrents you don't know about.

janeainsworth Tue 30-Oct-12 08:24:37

Ask your DS whether he wants to be contacted. If he doesn't, ring the OGF back and say so.
Or if as I suspect you think it would be a bad idea, make an executive decision to ignore her without saying anything to your DS smile

absentgrana Tue 30-Oct-12 08:31:44

Surely he's old enough to make up his own mind?

Winefride Tue 30-Oct-12 08:31:57

We were thinking of waiting to see if she leaves another message before doing anything. The thought of maybe a16 yr old child somewhere has been on my mind. Especially as son and dil unable to have children .

janeainsworth Tue 30-Oct-12 08:36:43

Yes you are right absent. The executive decision bit was an attempt at flippancy hence the smiley witch.
Winefride that does rather put a different complexion on things, and how potentially difficult for you all. But your son has a right to know I think.

janeainsworth Tue 30-Oct-12 08:37:40

And the child, if there is one.

Barrow Tue 30-Oct-12 08:39:41

I think you should mention it to your son and leave it to him whether he wants to get in touch

absentgrana Tue 30-Oct-12 08:39:56

The same thought crossed my mind Winefride but it could also be a simple case of drinking and dialling.

annodomini Tue 30-Oct-12 08:47:50

winefride, I think you need to tell your son and leave it up to him, but it's a horrid situation for you.

absentgrana Tue 30-Oct-12 08:54:38

I don't see that this is a particularly horrid situation. It's just a message from a son's former girlfriend. She may want to get in touch about something important or something unimportant or she may have busted up with her current partner and is viewing the past and her former boyfriend through rose coloured spectacles. Even if it is something important, it may be important just to her and not to him. He's a grown up and can call or not call. Why is this horrid? And if it did turn out to be a grandchild, I think that would fun, if a little strange, rather than horrid.

dorsetpennt Tue 30-Oct-12 09:14:15

Gosh I hope she doesn't have a 'surprise' for him grin just joking. I would just pass on her message to him on the quiet and let him deal with it. It could open up a whole can of worms if you got involved and your DIL may not be happy with this at all. I don't think mine would and she certainly wouldn't appreciate it if I got involved.

Barrow Tue 30-Oct-12 09:25:07

If your son's relationship with his wife is solid then I don't see the problem. If an ex-girlfriend of my husband had wanted to get in touch I would not have had a problem with it - as he wouldn't if an ex-boyfriend of mine had wanted to make contact. It could be that she is trying to arrange a get together of their old group of friends. Don't assume that she is looking to rekindle their relationship

Greatnan Tue 30-Oct-12 10:23:14

Could you ring her yourself and explain your misgivings? I think quite a lot of people get nostalgic after a few drinks and try to get back into contact with old friends, or even ex-partners. Friends Reunited used to be the chosen vehicle, but now it is Facebook.
I would be quite interested to know what had become of some of my ex boyfriends, although I expect quite a few of them are no longer with us.

Winefride Tue 30-Oct-12 13:56:01

What really helpful words of advice from all. Of course I must tell him a message left and offer her tel no. He has lived down south since leaving home so we have a v good but long distance relationship with him and wife. be much easier if lived down the road. He had many young ladies when at uni and I do remember this one was not my most favourite could be why I felt uneasy when message on phone. Xxx.

Just a thought would you mention to him that we have no issues with whatever comes from this . I still have a feeling it could possibly be a grandchild

Grannyeggs Tue 30-Oct-12 14:01:27

I think you just give him the number with no comment, he is old enough to deal with it. Interesting you have a feeling it could be a grandchild, our instincts are sometimes spot on.

kittylester Tue 30-Oct-12 15:18:37

Crikey Winefride possible can of worms or maybe as absent said, just drinking and dialling. Think you have to tell him.

Do let us know what happens.

Winefride Tue 30-Oct-12 17:39:39

He only got back from Afghanistan on Sat so will leave it for a week or so unless she calls again .I will let everyone know .thanks for interest

Nonu Tue 30-Oct-12 17:41:22

Winefride , glad your son is home safe and sound . smile

jO5 Tue 30-Oct-12 17:47:56

I would definitely ring her myself and find out what she wants have a friendly chat.

kittylester Tue 30-Oct-12 18:09:42

jingle that sounds as though you would also send the heavies round!! grin

nanaej Tue 30-Oct-12 18:09:54

oh winifride always a 50/50 call..could be perfectly fine and just an old friend catching up and nothing more or a potential can of worms... but think it needs to be your son's call not yours i think. He is an adult.. he may not want to make contact or he may tell his wife that his old g'friend is looking to catch up & should they both go and meet many possibilities but ultimately his choice.

celebgran Tue 30-Oct-12 18:18:21

gosh what a blast from the past!! 15 years is long while surely if grand child involved she would have made contact earlier??

Presume she knows hemarried?

So pleased your son home safe, my son was Officer in Army for about 15 years and went to Iraq twice, can still remember the stress of it.

Interstingly after 2nd deployment to Iraq he was found out contacting old flame his long term partner was not amused, they actually split last year nothing to do with that but wonder if she completely trusted him afterwards.

I can remember thinking on my feet and saying he probably wanted to talk over the difficult time he had there without upsetting her - seemed to help!!

let us know what happens!!

jO5 Tue 30-Oct-12 18:21:25

No, Kittylester! grin

I would simply be overcome with curiosity. And my protective instinct towards my little boy would also kick in. grin