Whats it really like living alon

I divorced in 1985 -my choice.2 of my children had already flown the nest -last one 2 yrs later.
I rarely feel lonely.worked until 2005.have lots of interests and a few close friends. Had a few brief relationships- but never wished to share my home.Coming home at night I'm so grateful to get back to my cosy ,warm little house with good neighbours.
Had a mild panic recently when DD and her OH(no children) mentioned the idea of buying a house to share.I would need to have a completely separate annexe and my own kitchen.!!

I felt the same, Maniac, when my son floated the idea of a granny flat. I didn't think I was quite ready for that, though when I look at my jungle...

I get the impression that men don't need solitude as much as women. Most women I know say they would like more time alone but their OH always wants to be with them. Of course, there are always the men who spend most of their free time in the shed.
MY daughter and I are both adamant that neither of us wants us to live together, just near enough to see each other more often - 12,000 miles is a bit far to drop in for a coffee!

I miss my dear departed DH but I don't feel lonely living alone. I walk with a friend most days and I am an active member of my french village. However, I spend most evenings on my own and I don't mind it, don't feel isolated and coming home after an active day I don't feel lonely.

Being able to be quiet and get on with my latest book or listen to music or watch the telly, why should I feel in need of another person here.

I do like to have periods of just sitting and thinking of when DH and I were here together and remembering when it all started and the difficult times and getting through them. It doesn't make me feel lonely. Just lucky to have found him after 1st ghastly mistake!

Flickety; I so understand what you mean. My ex worked abroad a lot and we functioned, in the main as a single parent family. But then he seemed to want us all to need him when he was around, and you can't have it both ways. These days the S.O. just doesn't understand that, much as I enjoy his company a lot of the time I want to enjoy time in my house on my own when it suits me; I work really hard to keep it going and don't always want someone sitting around watching telly at weekends.

I don't live alone but I really dislike coming into a dark empty house. I fitted some timer switches so that when I drive into my street my house looks alive and welcoming.

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I've lived on my own since my daughters left home many years ago. I really don't mind be on my own as I can do what I want and not have to consider anyone else. I still work so, to be honest, I welcome the peace and quiet at home. One daughter lives about 10 minutes from me so I see her and the grandchildren at least once a week and could do more if I wasn't working.

As others have said, alone must not be confused with lonely. You can be perfectly comfortable with your own company (OK a dog or a cat can help) but equally, you can be very lonely in an unforgiving or unloving relationship, if you are isolated because of caring for a dependent partner or parent, or if you do not relate easily to the people around you.
My MIL said after she was widowed that the winters were very long.I think that despite having many friends and being very hospitable, she was talking about being at home on the long dark evenings. I can understand that. I suppose it also comes down to personality. So, to anybody who is lonely - and .

You are never alone with TV and a computer!

No, you can be alone, and you can be lonely. By that I mean how invidious it is of TV to portray everybody having a Dickensian Christmas meal/over-catered party/the perfect family Sunday lunch/ gaggle of middle class 30-somethings in the (new) kitchen? That is nothing like reality and peddled as such, can only serve to increase the loneliness, depression and isolation of anybody who believes it. even

I was widowed in 1982 so have lived alone for more than 30 yrs. My husband died very suddenly, it was a great shock and life was difficult. I worked for the first 10 yrs. hated Friday afternoons and longed for Monday mornings. I found I could just about cope if I kept very busy. Used to clean windows and clean out the garage at weekends. things I rarely do now. Life was very difficult, I thought I would never feel happiness again. My elder daughter was recently married and living abroad and the younger was in her second year at university. I couldn't shield them from the sadness of losing their father but I was determined that they should carry on with their lives normally.When I retired I knew that I must have regular groups or meetings to attend. I didn't want to wake on a Monday morning with an empty week stretching ahead of me. I joined the U3A, two classes and a walking group and made some new friends. I still see friends that I have known since schooldays too. I know now that although I love to see friends I am very happy to be living alone. My daughters now live not too far away and we are in close contact , and I have 6 delightful grandchildren that give me great joy.

nutmeg Out of such a difficult time, it is good to read of your contentment now.
Like your name, by the way.

How different we all are - thank goodness. I have no commitments of any kind but I don't find the week stretching emptily ahead of me. I just revel in my freedom to decide each day whether I want to take a long walk in the mountains, go exploring other villages or historic towns in my car, spend the day reading or watching TV, listening to Radio 4, playing music tapes, doing sudoku, telephoning my daughter, sister or grand-daughter, or taking part in the multi-faceted Gransnet, or my other forums.
I spent many, many years working to somebody else's timetable, having to be in a certain place at a certain time - now I have freedom!

nutmeg .

read all the posts with great interest and felt I identified with so many of the views.
I brought up my son from 2 years old on my own but always worked (not always easy in the 70s) and the biggest wrench was when he left home for University and when he got married some years ago (he is now 38) so I have got used to being on my own (not lonely) and keep busy doing what I want to do. He lives fairly close with my dear Grandson and I see them regularly but we were never an 'in your pocket' family (or should I call it close knit) that most people seem to think is desirable.
the idea had been mooted about moving in together with a 'granny annexe' but I have no plans to go down that route! (unless it becomes essential)
I have a nice little house a lunatic lurcher dog and a garden to potter in and FREEDOM to do what I want when I want.
Dark days/evenings can be helped with a SAD lightbox - helps me a lot.

living alone can be hard on a day like today when the car won't start.- battery completely flat. It's in the drive on charger but I'm not optimistic.It's very cold and damp.Trouble is I only do short journeys.and I'm not on AA Homestart.
Fortunately I don't need to go out this week apart from concert in Bristol tomorrow to which I'm going on bus.
I do wonder how Greatnan keeps going in the ice and snow.

I have the smallest 4 x 4 - a Fiat Panda Climbing and I have a winter service every November to make sure all the fluids and the tyres are right for winter in the Alps. It has been a bit difficult to get out of the car parking here for a couple of weeks, as the snow plough sometimes forgets to clear it. Once I get onto the road to the village, I just drive slowly and carefully. Actually, the snow plough throws up a wall of snow about four feet high at the side of the road, so the steep drops on the bends are not scary! This is my third Winter in the Alps but I lived for several years high in the Pyrenees, so I am quite used to driving on snow and ice.
It is very beautiful here at the moment, like a picture post card - I just wish I could post my photos, which I have no trouble in posting on Facebook.
The severe weather has brought out the best in people, as it tends to do, and my neighbour, whom I have never met before, came out when I was digging out my car and said he was organising a team to help any resident who needed it. He gave me his phone number to send to my daughter in New Zealand as she worries that there is nobody nearby in case of emergency.
My daughter cannot stand cold, as she suffers from Rayneaud's Disease, and she was urging me to move to the Mediterranean coast again. I explained to her that I hate the arid scenery of Provence and I find the cold invigorating.
I wear several layers of clothes when I need to free the car, but I find shovelling snow soon gets me warm!

Perish the thought, Maniac. It's bad enough having to de-ice the car. When my ex was still around, he would have been as much use as a chocolate teapot when anything to do with the car cropped up. Being clueless suited him!

Being on my own I have home start, I think it's a must!

Breakdown cover is included with car insurance in France - it is very good, and even when I had a problem when visiting England, they sent out a local garage to get me going.

Sorry mollie65 - I know lightboxes are great for sufferers from SAD and glad it works for you, but try telling that to someone who has just been widowed after 45 years of happy marriage. My MIL was the least self-pitying person on this planet, even up to her 80's she was out doing meals on wheels, room guiding for the National Trust, always having people to lunch as she was such good company, but elderly people do not like going out as much in winter when it is dark and no lightbox was going to make the winter evenings shorter.

Tell more about your lurcher mollie; a few sighthound fans on here .

greatnan I do love reading about your life and the fabulous discriptions of your area it must be spectacular at the moment,as you know here I live in a supported housing development (I am the baby of the residents)and now this year for the first time I have taken all the telephone nos. of all the residents just to keep in touch in case anyone feels lonely mr.g. and I are only one of two couples here every one else is single so 14 people who live alone, some are not always home most days but there are the odd few that I worry about even though they have warden visits.So we will make sure everyone is OK not just during the winter months but all the time,to-morrow I have arranged a Christmas lunch for most of the neighbours and we start the knee's up about 1pm so if anyone is in New Brighton feel welcome to drop in for a tipple or three.

glammanana that sounds great ,pity i live in the north east or i would be poping in [smil]