Whats it really like living alon

I've lived alone for 13 years - fled London after l-t relationship broke up. Now back in London on a Narrowboat on the Regents Canal on my own and love it. I can do 13 hr bar crawls - wear my Louboutins - wear my best high vintage leopard - go to gigs and walk home without panicking about the last tube and a 20 min drive through the lanes.

Learning to live on my own (ok various passing men have been involved and I'm a long term mistress but no one lives with me) is a skill. There are times when the balance between being alone and being lonely tipped the wrong way. A lot of the time it was about being isolated in the country and not being able to get into London where all my cultural and social life was and is. Everything escalated this year when stone cold sober & in flats I fell outside Selfridges on my birthday and broke my ankle. No driving for 3 months and two weeks after the accident my brother in the States died & I couldn't fly to his funeral. My cottage and my country living became a prison and I stared and stared at the walls till they talked back. Then put the place on the market - sold it in 6 days and escaped.

Ironically having spent years wanting me back in town - my son, daughter in law and the gorgeous toddler (I've spent every Friday since he was born with them) are days away to relocating to Suffolk...so I will do monthly visits.

Having had 3 accidents this year -all unrelated and no underlying problems - just v bad luck (cracked ribs/broken ankle in fall; twisted pelvis doing a mid mooring vessel to transfer from a rib to a barge; damaged coccyx last week getting on the boat and loosing my footing when a gale force gust of wind knocked the barge and me sideways) I'm getting a bit wary of things I can do on my own and boat living is very physical. Luckily men in my life seem to want to help - 25kg sacks of coal need to get on board somehow .....

Living alone through choice or circumstance is an art form and I always figured if I couldn't live with myself I sure as hell couldn't live with anyone else on whatever basis.

I have been married 47 years and over the past 5 have longed to be alone. I don't love him anymore in fact he irritates the life out of me. Since retiring he has turned into a nosy, moaning old grump who finds fault with everything. I have thought of leaving but at my age can't face the upheaval and the distress it would cause in the family. I feel sorry for him at times because he can't be happy but he never takes the blame for anything be it arguments, forgetting things etc., it's always someone else's fault. So being alone can't be worse than this, it's the fallout that would be.

I have lived most of my life alone for various reasons...mostly because I make poor choices in men!...When I was a child I wanted nothing else but to be married and have a happy family but that was not to be...despite my best efforts. I am now in my mid 60's and live alone 6 years after my lovely second husband died.
I live in a very quiet rural location with few neighbours. I am fit, healthy and active and drive myself out to ...somewhere most days.
I also got myself a dog a couple of years ago which had made a great difference. But my real fear, what really worries me...is that I die alone and no one finds me for some time....Or that I am taken ill and unable to get myself help and die alone and slowly.....other than that, living alone is just great!! xx

I have always loved my own company, and actually living alone has not changed that. It is wonderful to be my "own master", being able to decide when to get up, what or what not to watch on TV and to top it all I can do my house work when I want to and not spend every Saturday morning working to get the house clean. I learnt very quickly that the ironing does not run away, neither does the dust - and we have got plenty of that living near vineyards.

If on occason I do feel a bit lonely I grab my dog, open the garden gate and start walking and chatting to people. Ok, sometimes I'd like to be a bit closer to my children and grandchildren but thanks to Ryanair we do see each other at least every two months.

dj If you can no longer see your photos or videos, it probably means that in the course of the upgrading you have lost the programme that shows them. You can download (free) an application called Irfanview which displays files of all kinds, and is easy to use.

duramjen the photos on your memory sticks /cards etc do you put them on the computer? not sure what you mean when you can't see them when you upgrade, you can transfer them....(unless I am reading the msg wrong) which I prob am dohhh........if I can be of any help !

Love York and remember when dh and myself went to the Train museum and left my camera there, some very kind person handed it in, strange that I don't have them photos anywhere now! come to think of it! maybe I deleted them by mistake as it was many years ago when digi cameras were first on the scene. We have relatives that live in E Yorks (Beverly)and we often took our little touring caravan to Bielby Caravan site.

About 7 mnths ago I managed to actualy look at a bit of video with dh on, it sort of made me feel better at the time, as he was walking about without his stick and looking back now he seemed quite fit (although he wasn't) I can't seem to put any photos of dh up still, I had a lovely one from our dd wedding 2 yrs ago, I had it printed out for my 60th last month and put it on display, but I had to put it away. Good luck with the videoing Sounds like your having fun

Done both

When I was on my own the biggest problem was not having anyone to go on holiday with.

The biggest advantage was my house stayed cleaner and was more tidy.... and there was less washing/ironing. Suppose he's worth it :-)

We have some videos as well, biker.
We can sit and get quite upset sometimes, but we watch those as a family and we quite often end up laughing until we cry. There are good memories in them.
Four years ago he was having radiotherapy which did not work. We have videos of him then because we had his mother's ninetieth birthday party in our house, but we do not look at those videos very often.
I have lots of photos in frames that my husband took, many of York. When we had the guest house we had photos in all the rooms, and brought many of them with us when we moved. So if I am not looking at photos of him, I am looking at photos that he took.
Like you say, it's good that his grandson likes photography, too. The problem is when you upgrade your equipment and can no longer see the photos on the cards or memory sticks.

good your both interested in photography durhamjen can be painful looking at photos but also when the time is right to look back and try and remember the better times.

I take my grandson out to take photos. We go to where the trees are or the seat that we bought in his grandad's name.
We posted one of his on the Woodland Trust website.

I hate Sunday 22nd. My husband died at ten to midnight on Sunday 22nd January, 2012.

durhamjen the course I am doing is an evening class, the good things is I am with other people chatting etc, also yesterday we (three of us) went out to a nature reserve,(my picsy were rubbish) but never mind it got me out.We have our class on a Tues 6-8 Level 1 Photography N.C.F.C it's been interesting talking about Ethics in photography, hoping to move onto Level 2 strafe Christmas if I pass Level 1.(trying to get GS to sit still long enough to practice my portraites lol) good luck with the camera just keep practising and playing about with it .

Ladybird I totally empathise with your situation, and find myself in a similar situation, that I just don't seem able to adjust to, despite the best efforts of my family.

People are right it doesn't get easier.... just different.

It's insulting to ask someone our age to go on a cleaning course, I would have thought, to get a certificate to say you know how to clean.
I have done lots of cleaning myself, but never had to go on a course, just tell people how often you do it, and what with. Hygiene courses, yes, for catering, but not cleaning.
Interesting to know who's going to train you to suck eggs, biker.

Thanks for the camera info as well. I have just discovered I am expecting my camera to use a card that is not suited to it. It only takes SD, not SDHC and only 2GB, not 8GB. My son looked it up. Does make me feel an idiot, not realising that.
It's the camera that my husband used, so I did not want there to be anything wrong with it. I have a Nikon Coolpix S3000 which I bought for my husband for his 64th birthday, as he was getting shaky and it had the best reviews for anti shake. It didn't work very well, as his photos of our son's wedding were quite shaky. Then we lost the camera. I found it again after he had died and they were the only photos on it. I now have it permanently on me as it's easy to put in my pocket.
It's not suitable for a photography course, though. My son bought me one last year, an online one.

durhamjem I have a Nikon3100 it was what my dd bought me.Some memory cards are out dated now or you may need to reformat it.

I don't really mind cleaning, it's being forced into something, that is prob 10 hours at minimum wage, then have to pay bus fares to get there and back or else walk home through lonely streets, I would be worse off than being on JS.

We shall see.

Why is it insulting? There's nothing wrong with a cleaning job.

How insulting.
How about going in with a cigarette in your hand and dropping fag ash all over the place, just to show you are not suited to being a cleaner.

I need a new camera, I think. What sort have you got for this course?
I have two just small digitals, but I need to replace my Panasonic Lumix, which has decided it does not like the HD cards any more and keeps telling me it will not use them.

Hi durhamjen no I ended up going on Jobseekers (although the stupid man at the jobcenter told me to apply for UC and just say I didn't own my own home)!! think UC is being swept in slowly, causing even more confusion and no idea what the idea behind it it.

Yes keeping busy, but still very difficult as my mind is elseware still. What is really annoying me is..the JC are sort of forcing me to look at jobs they they think they can ease me into.."!! the latest being that my support worker (who is just doing her job) keeps asking have a been to this certain cleaning place ( they clean offices in an evening when all have gone home) I have sort of changed the subject each time, but now that she has asked me "have I been to see them" three times, I cannot avoid it no longer, so I am having! to go and see them,also the JC are going to send me on a "cleaning course"! hence once I achieve my certificate I then cannot say I am "not qualified" to apply for these jobs. (method behind their madness) Can't see me going on like this for the next 6/7 yrs......! have applied for around 10/12 jobs various hours/days but not been success , they all seem to want you either 6 am or late shifts.

Lovely day here in Lancashire,(but very cold) going to go to a nature reserve with a friend from the photography class with our cameras. ta ra

Sounds like you are keeping yourself busy, biker.

Are you actually on universal credit? I seem to recall you starting a thread about it a while ago. If so, did you have problems with it?
Some people are talking about taking the DWP to court for causing unnecessary suffering with it.

www.theguardian.com/society/2015/nov/18/flaws-universal-credit-system-vulnerable-people-penniless-citizens-advice-study

living alone in my opinion is that there are a few ups but so many more downs, for the past 8 years since I was bereaved of my husband the lonliness is unbearable. Constant reminders of our time together both good and bad continuously 'jump' into my thoughts. After more than 30 years together sharing and now he is no longer with me, "NOT NICE". I could write a book on this subject as know doubt all us widows could, life changes dramatically." DON'T LIKE IT " ......
Cooking a meal, then eating alone, watching a t.v programme..... he's not here to give his opinions, weekends come...... he's not here to share, most of all being in my bed alone without the comfort of his body next to mine..... the times that I complained about his snoring.... if only...... I would give anything to hear him snore again.... miss him so.
So being alone for me is absolutely HORRIBLE and I sympathise with the other widows or such like people in my position. God Bless You All

I love being on my own and have always liked my own company. I like the fact of being able to do exactly as I like after being in a very unhappy relationship for a long time. I'm so glad I finally got divorced. It think it's great if you've had a happy relationship and in that case you would find living alone harder. I have lots of friends and a supportive family I see often so feel very lucky and next year I am retiring and moving to the same place they are living in so will see my grandchildren every day and be able to watch them grow up

hi durhamjen annsixty yes of course I am doing what the DWP tell me.... they have me in their grips now.
Jobs...well...have applied for quite a few but now I have turned 60 I think they maybe overlook me, but I am keeping busy, studying my maths & English at college (jobcenter thought it would look good on my CV) ad I didn't take any at school, went straight to work instead. I work in the R.S.P.C.A charity shop and enjoying that,Done Food Safety Course courtesy of Jcenter and also taking Level 1 Photography at the college, hoping to move onto Level 2.
So been quite busy walking to and for to college/town etc feel like I am automated and get up and do what ever is needed without any thought, sort of programmed if you will.
Still miss my dh terribly 17 mnths on, but nothing I can do about it.
Good luck all, with your paths you have to travel

Hello, biker. How are you doing in the job stakes?
Are you still doing what the DWP tell you to?

Nice to hear from you bikergran I hope you are doing ok.

Was just looking at yahoo news and came across a video(sorry don't know how to post a link to it)
Channel 4 news "what does it feel like to be old and alone" it made me cry,the lady is 91 and her husband passed away 2yrs ago. I don't know what the solution is to help the older people who have lost loved ones and not to see or hear anyone for days and days,I know there are lots of befriending services but I think these are prob overwhelmed by the people needing them.It is suggested that the government takes a more serious view in making it a health issue.

I was obliged to live on my own after being with my husband for 40 years - it was his decision to call it a day (and I still don't really know why). However, with hindsight, it was a bit like living alone under the same roof. I've now been in my own house for nearly 18 months (with my 2 cats) and most of the time it's ok. At least I can do what I want, when I want instead of being in fear of not knowing if I've put a foot wrong. The weird thing is, having got over the bitterness of the split, I get on really well with my ex and he's always very willing to give a helping hand with diy etc. We haven't got on so well in about 30 years! I think it's a case of not being able to live with him, nor without him.