Whats it really like living alon

I was widowed in 1982 so have lived alone for more than 30 yrs. My husband died very suddenly, it was a great shock and life was difficult. I worked for the first 10 yrs. hated Friday afternoons and longed for Monday mornings. I found I could just about cope if I kept very busy. Used to clean windows and clean out the garage at weekends. things I rarely do now. Life was very difficult, I thought I would never feel happiness again. My elder daughter was recently married and living abroad and the younger was in her second year at university. I couldn't shield them from the sadness of losing their father but I was determined that they should carry on with their lives normally.When I retired I knew that I must have regular groups or meetings to attend. I didn't want to wake on a Monday morning with an empty week stretching ahead of me. I joined the U3A, two classes and a walking group and made some new friends. I still see friends that I have known since schooldays too. I know now that although I love to see friends I am very happy to be living alone. My daughters now live not too far away and we are in close contact , and I have 6 delightful grandchildren that give me great joy.

No, you can be alone, and you can be lonely. By that I mean how invidious it is of TV to portray everybody having a Dickensian Christmas meal/over-catered party/the perfect family Sunday lunch/ gaggle of middle class 30-somethings in the (new) kitchen? That is nothing like reality and peddled as such, can only serve to increase the loneliness, depression and isolation of anybody who believes it. even

You are never alone with TV and a computer!

As others have said, alone must not be confused with lonely. You can be perfectly comfortable with your own company (OK a dog or a cat can help) but equally, you can be very lonely in an unforgiving or unloving relationship, if you are isolated because of caring for a dependent partner or parent, or if you do not relate easily to the people around you.
My MIL said after she was widowed that the winters were very long.I think that despite having many friends and being very hospitable, she was talking about being at home on the long dark evenings. I can understand that. I suppose it also comes down to personality. So, to anybody who is lonely - and .

I've lived on my own since my daughters left home many years ago. I really don't mind be on my own as I can do what I want and not have to consider anyone else. I still work so, to be honest, I welcome the peace and quiet at home. One daughter lives about 10 minutes from me so I see her and the grandchildren at least once a week and could do more if I wasn't working.

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I don't live alone but I really dislike coming into a dark empty house. I fitted some timer switches so that when I drive into my street my house looks alive and welcoming.

Flickety; I so understand what you mean. My ex worked abroad a lot and we functioned, in the main as a single parent family. But then he seemed to want us all to need him when he was around, and you can't have it both ways. These days the S.O. just doesn't understand that, much as I enjoy his company a lot of the time I want to enjoy time in my house on my own when it suits me; I work really hard to keep it going and don't always want someone sitting around watching telly at weekends.

I miss my dear departed DH but I don't feel lonely living alone. I walk with a friend most days and I am an active member of my french village. However, I spend most evenings on my own and I don't mind it, don't feel isolated and coming home after an active day I don't feel lonely.

Being able to be quiet and get on with my latest book or listen to music or watch the telly, why should I feel in need of another person here.

I do like to have periods of just sitting and thinking of when DH and I were here together and remembering when it all started and the difficult times and getting through them. It doesn't make me feel lonely. Just lucky to have found him after 1st ghastly mistake!

I get the impression that men don't need solitude as much as women. Most women I know say they would like more time alone but their OH always wants to be with them. Of course, there are always the men who spend most of their free time in the shed.
MY daughter and I are both adamant that neither of us wants us to live together, just near enough to see each other more often - 12,000 miles is a bit far to drop in for a coffee!

I felt the same, Maniac, when my son floated the idea of a granny flat. I didn't think I was quite ready for that, though when I look at my jungle...

I divorced in 1985 -my choice.2 of my children had already flown the nest -last one 2 yrs later.
I rarely feel lonely.worked until 2005.have lots of interests and a few close friends. Had a few brief relationships- but never wished to share my home.Coming home at night I'm so grateful to get back to my cosy ,warm little house with good neighbours.
Had a mild panic recently when DD and her OH(no children) mentioned the idea of buying a house to share.I would need to have a completely separate annexe and my own kitchen.!!

I suspect that everyone falls into one category or the other, we enjoy our own company and can live alone or we prefer to have company.

DD decided very early that she preferred to live alone, and has done so very happily for over 15 years. She is not lonely, has plenty of friends and has just returned from several days away with one of them. On her own in the house she is always busy doing diy, gardening or craft work.

I am very like daughter and could live very happily on my own and keep similarly occupied. DH's career involved a lot of world wide travel, occasionally he was a way for several months at a time and I lived life quite happily on my own when he was away. Now he has (more or less) retired I am finding it really difficult having somebody around all the time. He has various interests he follows that take him out of the house for an afternoon or evening, several times a week and has plenty of things he enjoys doing on his own at home but there are times when I long desperately for him to go away for a week or two, not because we are not happy together and enjoy each othrs company but because I really need longish periods of solitude.

Oh crimson that's a bit of a sad story but you have children, thats a good thing right, and the fact that your x husband said that he had no time to help his son tells me that maybe, just maybe he wasn't as kind and caring as he could have been, you say the relationship you have now does not give you the time you need, please value yourself crimson and get the relationship that you deserve and settle for nothing less x

I always thought I'd be fine on my own until my marriage ended, but that coincided with the children leaving home as well so I went from one extreme to the other. Always an occasional smoker [by that I mean not smoking for months sometimes] I found myself smoking in the evening; the cigarettes were my friends. What brought it home to me one night was when my son had a problem at uni and phoned me; I phoned his dad who said he couldn't do anything because 'they' were just about to go out. The word 'they' compounded my solitude in a way that nothing else had. I'd always gone places and done things on my own as we didn't have shared interests, but somehow I did that with the knowledge that I wasn't completely on my own; when I was I felt that everyone around me seemed to be with other people. It was quite a learning curve. Now I'm in a relationship that doesn't give me the 'me time' that I need, and that's causing problems. It's all about balance, I guess. However, since I had the internet I never feel really alone; a few years ago I had a hoax phone call that really upset me, but someone on a racing forum I go on was still awake and they talked me through it. I now often leave the computer on at night when I'm on my own.

dorsetpennt the fact that you chose not to confuse your children further warms my heart it truly does It is a decision that I would take and have never met a person that shares that opinion with me.... Greatnan I know what you mean because I had a bad time with my husband at one point and did feel that I would rather be alone, we did weather the storm and are still together but I have totally been there and sometimes it has to be done for the sake of everyone's sanity. You were un happy and did something about it!!! Not everyone has the guts so well done to you.

To close,, just watched a programme on TV, a lady had recently lost her husband and did not want to get rid of all the stuff that they had together but eventually she was persuaded to do that and when she was asked how she finally got the courage to do it ,she said something very powerful, she said
I let go... letting go is really good I think, because not letting go is miserable.

There is, of course, a big difference between choosing to live alone and those of us who have lost much loved husbands. I had over 40 years of very happy marriage, we each had our own interests and in the evenings would chatter away over dinner discussing what we had done during the day - I do miss those talks.

I did find it difficult initially getting out and about and if it hadn't been for two of my sister in laws I can see I could have become something of a hermit, but they just wouldn't let me sit and mope, friends too were a great support.

I have since widened my circle of friends and, as I said previously, like to keep busy. Living alone isn't something I chose or expected but, although I still miss my DH very much I now have to look on my life as entering a new phase.

When I got out of my boring marriage, I found the reaction from women friends was quite often envy! They said 'It's all right for you, you have a good career, but I wouldn't know what to do'.
I can't think of many things that are worse than coming home to somebody with whom you no longer have anything in common - my little flat seems to welcome me!

I've been divorced since 1986 so brought my children up alone from when they were still very young. I chose not to add to their confusion by having another partner/husband. Now at 68 years old that bird has flown.
However, I don't mind being on my own. I have a loving family and good friends and plenty of interests, also I'm still working. So I'm alone but not lonely. I have a dear little cat who is great company. Did have dogs. When my darling black lab died in 2005 I found it so devastating that I will never have another dog. I also have 2 little GDs and go up to stay with them every other month, it's easy to get someone to feed your cat but it is quite another thing to expect them to feed your dog.
I know someone who feels very sorry for me - but she is so unhappy with her marriage I feel sorry for the both of them.

Well that was quite educational I have learn't a lot. Basically, obviously it makes a difference if it has been of your own making--so if you have managed to get away from a nasty husband then living alone is APPRECIATED but if it was sprung on you then its a different story.

Whenim64 yours is the attitude that I hope that I could have, happy with what I had-- GALLY your reasoning was brilliant, play it by ear and then get a life for yourself.

Regarding coming home at the end of an evening and it feeling horrible,,, we could think how lucky that we have a warm and cosy house to come back to, because lets face it there are many people especially in London that live on the street in the freezing weather, alot of young people that have been forced out of their home for one reason or another,

The thing here to win this battle of being alone, I think could be is to appreciate all the good things that we have and not dwell on the bad. Thank you for all your comments x x

I still after almost 10 years hate coming home to a dark empty house.
I've tried leaving lights on, but my energy conscious cleaner switches them off again!

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When.....I was very lonely when I was married because I could not share my real interests with my husband. If I wanted to listen to a lecture on the radio, I was told I was being 'pretentious'.
Those of you who have been widowed after years of happy marriage will naturally find it difficult to adjust and will miss your OH for the rest of your life. It is different for those of us who have chosen to remain single.
I used to take care of all the travel/holiday arrangements and all the family finance anyway and I am used to organising things for my sister, so I don't feel the need of a partner in any way.
I usually go several days without speaking to anybody and then it it usually in a phone call to my daughter in NZ, my sister in England, and my oldest grand-daughter. I do chat in French to people I meet casually here, the ladies in the Mairie or Post Office, the caretaker of the flats, and so on. I don't know any English-speaking people in the area. It doesn't bother me - I can always go on one of my forums and have a good discussion, share a joke or two, offer some sympathy where needed - with the added bonus that I can just log off when my favourite TV/radio programmes are due!

I have an elderly exmil who I care for at a distance, she lives alone and only has me as her friend in the world but I don't live close so 95% of her time is spent totally alone, she only speaks to others if she manages to toddle over the road to get some milk from the shop. She tells me sometimes she spends whole weeks without speaking to anyone but me or my daughter on the phone. She copes and is much better in the Summer when she can potter in her garden but the Winter she gets terribly depressed and down, she is very stubborn and won't entertain anything that might get her out such as local clubs or such.. I feel sad for her and she has told me she wishes she didn't wake up some mornings... her husband died 9yrs ago her son(my ex) this year and she has been estranged from her only daughter for 6yrs.. a terribly sad end to her life is how she sees it..