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Missing my son

(84 Posts)
Happygran1964 Tue 15-Jan-13 23:48:59

My youngest son aged 21 met his first girlfriend three months ago and is head over heels, which is lovely but I hardly see him these days as he is always at her place, student digs.

I am very happy for him and she seems to be a lovely girl but I have only met her twice so far, I offer him the chance to stay over at ours and he knows that she is always welcome but they just seem to always want to be at hers.

I feel a bit hurt as he recently spent twelve days at her family home up in Cumbria yet they don't want to spend any times at ours.

I have always been really close to my son, the baby of the family, and am mourning the loss of that closeness.

Just feel really sad.

Anne58 Wed 16-Jan-13 00:01:11

Happygran1964 as parents part of our job is to enable our children to make their way in the world, to build relationships and become "complete" people in their own right.

Wc cannot keep them that close forever, such is the way of the world and the nature of parenthood.

cheelu Wed 16-Jan-13 00:08:09

Oh happygran know that feeling very well just experienced it myself--I used to have long chats with my son etc. I can tell you that you do get over it and it does get better...

Its a happy time for him and because you love him so you will come around, When things settle with him he will spend more time making back the effort with you.

Look at it this way, you have not lost a son, but gained a daughter, she is new now and unless she is some kind of monster, as time goes by you will get used to her and warm to her I promise.

Anne58 Wed 16-Jan-13 00:11:53

Just to add, I'm missing my son too, my youngest one, who hanged himself four years ago, December 12th 2008, at the age of 19.

grannyactivist Wed 16-Jan-13 00:16:50

phoenix sometimes there are no words. sad

Anne58 Wed 16-Jan-13 00:26:46

Thank you ga

I'm sorry to be so, oh, whatever, but the OP just got to me, yes, I can understand that a mother can be upset at a change in relationship, but surely she must take pride in the fact that she has raised a son that can form good relaitionships?

Sorry, it might just be me and the way I'm feeling tonight, but right now I can't see what she has to feel so upset about.

Sorry again, perhaps I'm just not seeing the whole picture.

cheelu Wed 16-Jan-13 00:27:43

phoenix I didnt know that, bless him and a kiss sent to him x

cheelu Wed 16-Jan-13 00:30:10

I will have a 2 minutes silence in his memory tomorrow at 2pm x x

cheelu Wed 16-Jan-13 00:32:15

I can see were you are coming from phoenix and I have to make you right 100% x

Hope you feel better tomorrow x x

Anne58 Wed 16-Jan-13 01:08:21

cheelu much as I appreciate your good wishes, I think that your post of 00.32 is a bit over ambitious. No one, even with all the will in the world, would be able to "make me right, 100%" , but I do appreciate your kindness.

nightowl Wed 16-Jan-13 01:08:26

phoenix I'm so sorry.

I do understand how Happygran is feeling because I went through a similar phase at Christmas when DS3 came home from uni only very briefly. On a rational level I am proud of everything he has achieved in overcoming many difficulties to become a confident and outgoing young man. On an emotional level I think it can be hard to accept that they no longer need us in the same way. I have posted about my son before and phoenix you amongst others posted lovely supportive messages which I have never forgotten. In the face of what you and others have gone through I am ashamed of myself and can only send you very sincere warm thoughts and (((hugs)))

Anne58 Wed 16-Jan-13 01:28:19

nightowl please NEVER EVER [shouty phoenix) be ashamed of youurself, as mentioned in your post up there ^^ ! We all have things to contend with, no one's is really any greater than anyone else's, it just IS how it is, and we go on.

(But hopefully without Celine Dion singing in the background!)

Anne58 Wed 16-Jan-13 01:35:08

Oh heck, just seen the awful punctuation up there! Please forgive me, got a bit carried away!

Faye Wed 16-Jan-13 01:35:19

I think it is a normal Happyran to feel the way you do. Feeling sad that your son is spending time at his girlfriend's home and not at yours. Things will probably change as she gets used to your family and she will want to stay, but at the moment she doesn't know you very well.

phoenix I wish each of us could all take a bit of your pain to make it easier for you. flowers

I do like cheelu's kind heart though and wish more people were like her.

Anne58 Wed 16-Jan-13 02:07:23

Don't really know why I'm posting this, but I have always wished that we had the Michael Ball version of the theme from "Titanic" (my heart will go on) at Jack's funeral service, unfortunately it was all taken out of my hands.

Although the song was written about lovers, I eel that the words in the version I refer to are appropriate.

Anne58 Wed 16-Jan-13 02:15:05

Here are the words:

Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you
That is how I know you go on

Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're gone

Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

You're here, there's nothing I fear
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Faye Wed 16-Jan-13 02:25:59

It is a beautiful song phoenix. Michael Ball's song does seem to me to be talking about life and love going on even after death more so than a romantic song about lovers.

Anne58 Wed 16-Jan-13 02:33:13

I much prefer his version to the one by Celine Dion, but it's almost impossible to find on the internet! (apart from a truncated version)

Faye Wed 16-Jan-13 03:05:34

I actually love Celine Dion's voice and this version.

Anne58 Wed 16-Jan-13 03:12:25

Each to their own, Faye , and did you mean to put a link in your post?

baubles Wed 16-Jan-13 06:37:19

phoenix I'm so very sorry for yor loss.

JessM Wed 16-Jan-13 06:59:27

phoenix I hope you are feeling a little less sad this morning. I know it is very hard when they grow up.
Your son is in that first flush of love, and at that stage young people are not focussed on their parents are they. Also sometimes they have a few hang ups about having passionate sex under their parents roof.

Faye Wed 16-Jan-13 07:04:48

No I didn't phoenix and I looked for Michael Ball's version and couldn't find it. I haven't heard his version that I can think of and would like to. I really like the song.

NfkDumpling Wed 16-Jan-13 07:46:41

Oh, Phoenix you're usually so buoyant and positive. You cover up so much, don't you? I know it would devestate me if anything happened to my DS. He suffers from periodic bouts of depression which were particularly bad when he was 19. He came so close.....

I'll be joining Cheelu in 2 minutes silence at 2 pm. XX

Grannyknot Wed 16-Jan-13 07:57:09

happygran1964 I read your post as simply expressing transition. Your son sounds lovely, so full of life and love. I was dazzled by my inlaws when I first met my husband, they seemed so sophisticated compared to my family. In time (and didn't take too long) I saw their human flaws and 'came back' to earth and to my family, if that makes sense.

phoenix I had no idea. Love and hugs.

I wouldn't usually comment on conversations between 2 others posters, but I read Cheelu's comment to you as "I am with you 100%" or "I agree with you 100%" rather than "I (will) make (you) right".

There is so much kindness and empathy on these forums.